Oh yeah, I use to blog and stuff...

Tink, tink, tink...is this thing on??? Why in the world did I ever stop blogging? Maybe it was because life got crazy or maybe it was because freakin' facebook took over my entire universe. I'm willing to compromise and say it was a lot of both with at least two moves and the building of a house thrown in for good measure. Ahhh, just typing those few little sentences felt so good. I think I'm back. I think this time I'm not going to censor what I have to say because it might not be what somebody wants to hear. I think it's on like Donkey Kong!! First I've got to figure out all of the changes that have been made in my three+ year absence and see if I can't get into my account without having to go through a default link because I forgot my password!

On sand and snot

No I haven't dropped off the earth again, I'm back from vacation but I'm sick...and so is A2. Don'tcha just love those summer colds?! The runny nose, sore throat, the ringing in the ears, and the changing of bed sheets because A2 horked up some purple shit I have no idea what it could have been all over them. Ahh, so much fun.

We had a fantastic time on vacation though despite the fact that we drive all the way from point A, which is at least 13 hours away from Panama City Beach, only for me to strip down A2 to put his swimming trunks on him and his bag is NO FREAKIN' WHERE TO BE FOUND!! That's right, his bag was all the way back at point effin' A! I had NOTHING for him except the one outfit he had on his back and the other dirty one from the night before when we stopped over to spend the night at a hotel.

I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw up. The only thing I could do was load up with the husband and hit up Wal-mart for some cheap shorts and underwear and a pack of plain white t-shirts. From there we hit up Old Navy for a couple outfits to get him through and went back to the condo. The thing that pissed me off about it all was that he had tons of cute clothes, most still with the tags on them, packed along with at least 6 pair of flip flops. Hell, you know I'd have to pack him several pair if I brought a bucket o'flops down with me.

From that point on it was smooth sailing. The condo was right on the beach and the view was awesome. Friend 2 and her family have stayed here for at least three years or so and knew all the ins and outs of getting around. There were eight of us total in this condo but surprisingly we were all able to spread out and do our own thing and got along very well.

We spent our days mostly at the pool or the beach and our nights we would go out to eat and then come back and either go back to the beach or pool for a night swim. Usually we would have to whole giant pool to ourselves except for one or two others that never stayed as long as we did. One night the husband went down to the beach with his flashlight and discovered that there were tons of stingrays swimming up close to the shore. We all rushed down there and spotted tons of them. That was pretty fun.

While there we ate at Sharkey's, Pineapple Willy's, Margaritaville, Angelo's Steak Pit, and Five Guys. My crew stayed in and ordered Papa John's one night while the other two adults and two kids went out for seafood. We aren't huge fans. About the most seafood we get is Captain D's, seriously, not big seafood fans!

We rode go-carts a couple nights and some of the kids did the bungee trampoline thing. I took our Wii with us and we all had laptops so there really wasn't any time or way we could have gotten bored. A2 smoked the entire house at Mario Kart and it was ha-larious. Friend 2's husband is very competitive and he was breaking a sweat trying to beat the three year old at racing....he couldn't do it. We got more entertainment out of that than anything. One night we played a round of Scattergories which is always fun until someone takes it to the ditch with the dirty answers.

Time to pack up and head home rolled around way too soon and we were out of there come Saturday morning around 9 or so. We took a different route home than we took going down so we hit a certain point and the husband said we were only a couple hours away from our family and asked if I wanted to go there or keep chugging away to our house....family won out and we took a detour. I was pretty excited to get to visit with everybody since it'd been a while. The hubby ended up taking Monday off so we just made an extra long weekend out of it.

Monday morning we loaded up and hit the road for the house. I think we got home close to 6 or so that afternoon. Even though it's still a long ass ride, it seems to pass a lot quicker than it did when we first started making it. Thankfully all the animals were fine and nothing had gone wrong while we were gone.

Tuesday I could tell that the baby and I were starting to feel a little off and here it is Friday and I'm propped up on the couch struggling to even hold this stupid computer in my lap and can only breathe out of one side of my nose and it's through an opening the size of a pin hole. My head feels like an elephant as planted it's big ol ass right square on top of it and I'm sure the husband will be home soon crying about how he's sick too. That means I'm going to have to suck it up and cater to him since he can get the freakin' sniffles and you'd think he was on his fucking death bed.

Will share more later when I can hold a coherent thought in my head without a ton of mucus sloshing around in there with it.

I think I'm going to go throw the sheets in the dryer, carry my laptop back to the bedroom with me so I can check on my Farm Town crops in a little while, and try to finish reading this book I'm having a hard time getting through called, "The Shack." Have you heard of it? I heard some good things about it but to me I'm not connecting with it. I'll give a full review when, or if, I manage to finish it.

so the story goes

there is absolutely noting going on that i can write about right now. i'm seriously racking my brain trying to come up with something of importance and the same things keeps coming up...a big fat zilch, zero, nada.

i'm trying to soak up as much sun as possible before we leave for florida. thankfully the weather has been cooperating and i've gotten in three good days and after just checking the forecast it looks like i'm going to get two more. pretty stoked about that since i wasn't wanting to be the girl who emitted a soft glow when i stepped out onto the beach.

i washed up every stitch of clothes in this house and dared my family to not even think about throwing something in the hamper unless it absolutely reeked and they pretty much took it to heart.

i've been working out pretty hard with my wii active and i'm considering writing the company and demanding i be put on their payroll as a marketing rep. i swear through facebook and my little blog here i'm pretty sure i've gotten about a dozen or so people to go out and buy their own copy! it's seriously that awesome. i've weighed 128 for the past two days and i'm hoping by the end of the week to have reached my long long long ago set goal of 125!!!

my youngest child, A2, has picked up a new saying and it's hilarious. my husband and A1 swear that he got it right from me but i didn't realize i said such a thing. here's what he does, whenever he wants something, like the blanket that is a mear 2 inches from his head on the back of the couch, he will say, "hey guys, what about some covers?" or he'll want some milk he won't ask out right for it he'll say, "what about some milk?" he cracks me up.

thought i was going to have to take him to the doctor yesterday though. i'd noticed about three little red bumps on his cheek a couple of days ago. they didn't look bad and they were about the size of a tiny pin prick. yesterday morning he woke up and they were about the size of a pin head and redder and he was covered in them all over his back and butt and arms and there were a few more on his face. all of the new ones were tiny and looked like the original three did at first. turns out we called in insurance and nurse nancy happened to answer the phone and talked us out of taking him saying it was something like fifth disease. i'd already been online and saw that and it didn't look anything like it.

i texted one of my nurse friends and she said the same thing and that it wasn't that big of a deal. i wasn't convinced, being i don't have a nursing degree or anything like that but still, so i just watched it and thought i'd take him today if he woke up and it was worse. i was thinking it looked more like heat or an allergic reaction to something. he looks 10 times better this morning. all the bumps on his trunk, arms and butt are gone and he only has the ones that got real red left on his face. don't know for certain what it was but if i had to guess i'd say it had something to do with some new toast i'd given to him. he only about 5 things so it wasn't hard to narrow down anything new that had been added to his diet.

other than that it's been pretty quiet around here. i'm very tired today for some reason. i think it's because it was close to midnight last night when i was working out and i had some stupid dreams last night that kept me tossing and turning all night. i'm thinking i hear my big soft bed calling my name right about now. maybe a good nap will zap me with a burst of energy so i can get my workout on here in a little while. as you can see i clearly need it since i don't even have the energy to freakin' use proper capitalization!

Eleven !! 11 !!

Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
Had to get away

Yippee! We DO get to go on vacation and we get to go in 11 days. I couldn't be more excited about this. This has been such a hard few months with moving out to the middle of nothing and nowhere and trying to get adjusted and my dad going through and recovering from surgery and our house still sitting on the market after many many long months that I'm ready to get away and enjoy a little stress free down time.

Because we still have our other house and our current house, things had to tighten up around here on the financial front. I've been trying to watch my spending and when I slip my husband has been right there with his reminders of how much it costs to keep up two homes and the amount of money it costs us each time we go in to check on that house and to visit family.

I was feeling a little restless the other day and just out of the blue asked him what the likelihood of a vacation would be this summer with all the crap we have on our plate. Naturally the answer wasn't what I was hoping for because he said we probably wouldn't get to go anywhere unless we count going home to visit the family as our vacation. Free room and board and a few meals scattered around here and there. That's about the best we were going to be able to hope for this summer. I could live with that since I love going home but time seems to fly by and we never have enough time to visit everybody for as long as we'd like before we have to pack it all in and get back on the road to make the long ass journey back here. So a few extra days spent down there would suffice as a vacation as long as I didn't have to scrub any toilets or mop any floors.

I'd given up hope of going to the beach and soaking up as much sun and sand as I could...that is until Friend 2 called me out of the blue one day last week.

She called to tell me that she and her husband and their daughter were planning on going to Panama City Beach for the week of June 7th. She said that they had an awesome deal on a two bedroom condo at the Edgewater Beach Resort. They came across this deal because someone else was originally going to go that week but now wasn't going to be able to make it. They had paid for the room and wasn't going to be able to get their money back so they offered it up to them at a cut rate. The original price was some outrageous amount but she had it given to her for $700 for the whole week. Well, since it's a two bedroom and she knew I've been wanting to go she said if we split that and go in $350 we can have the other bedroom and only be out gas, and whatever we decide to do and eat.

WE JUMPED ON THAT LIKE A FAT KID ON CAKE!!

I'm super excited to say the least and can not wait until we leave! The last time we went down to Panama was with my brother in law and we only stayed like two days...hardly enough to count as a vacation. This time we are staying an entire week!! I'm also super excited to get to hang out with Friend 2 some more. I haven't seen her since we moved. Our kids get along and our husbands are in the same field of work so they will have tons to talk about and they've hung out before so this is hopefully going to work out perfectly.

My goal for the next 11 days is to clean my house from top to bottom for the next two days since it's suppose to be cloudy with a chance of rain and frankly my house stinks like ass right now for some reason. After that I want to get some sun so I'm not emitting a neon glow from being so pale when I step out on the beach and I'm going to hit my 30-day Active challenge and any extra workout I can manage with full force every day!!

I will have pictures from this trip dammit! I'm not going to be ashamed of my body any longer!

Ok, got to get up now because those damn dishes aren't going to wash themselves and I'm pretty sure that ass smell is coming from the million piles of laundry sitting in the laundry room screaming out my name. I've waited on them to take care of their selves for long enough and they refuse to budge..assholes!

30-Day Challenge

My newest obsession: EA SPORTS Active for my Wii. I was sitting on my butt the other day not really wanting to get up and workout and I saw a commercial for this new game coming out for Wii. I was immediately drawn in and had to have one.

It's claim was that it was like having a personal trainer in a box and that it would give an actual workout and not the illusion of one like other games (pretty sure that was a slam at the Wii Fit).

I called my hubby and told him about it. I must have been pretty convincing because he brought it home for me that night.

What you get in the box is a leg strap that you use to put on your right leg. You use is during exercises that require you to put the nunchuck in the pouch on top. You also get a flimsy red stretchy band with handles. This is the one thing I'm a little disappointed about. To me it gives no resistance and I can see where after a few workouts it will more than likely snap. And then there is the game.

I popped it in and it asked me to set up a profile. I was already loving it more than my Wii Fit because I didn't have to step on anything only to hear it groan before it gave a reading. Who needs that bull?!

Anyway, I set up my profile and decided to do the 30-day challenge it offers. I'll be working out two days and then resting one, working two then resting one and so on. I think out of the 30 days there are actually 20 workout days. I was able to pick the level of intensity I wanted which I set at medium. You can pick whether or not you want a male or female trainer. Once your workout is ready it will give you the option to uncheck anything that you feel you may not want to do or aren't ready to do. I went ahead and did the full workout. It consisted of 18 exercises (some repeats) and my projected goal was to burn 94 calories. It gives a projected calorie burn before each workout and at the end lets you know if you met the goal or not.

My first workout contained some walking/running, lunges, arm curls, inline skating, punching, and jumping. I LOVED it!! There is a picture in picture window that shows your trainer and you follow their moves. They tell you whether or not you are doing the moves correctly and offer positive support throughout. There are also instructional videos that you can watch that shows an actual person doing the moves if you aren't sure how to do them. You really only need to watch them once and then you've got it.

By the end of my first workout I was sweating like crazy and out of breath! I couldn't wait until the next day to do my next workout. On day two the workout was different from the first adding in new moves and kicking up the intensity a bit. By the end of that workout my legs felt like jello and the next morning the backs of my thighs and my butt was definitely feeling the burn. I was so sore!!

Day three focused more or upper body but was still a pretty intense workout that included some cardio and lunges to keep those legs working. Last night I did workout number four with my husband (he bought the accessory pack that included an extra leg strap and band) and this morning my butt and legs are sore and I even feel a little twinge in my bicep!

I am loving this game/workout! It's so much fun. If you're like me and just wasn't feeling much from the Wii Fit then you have got to get this game. It's compatible with the balance board so you can use it in some exercises if you want but it isn't required at all.

Right now the hardest part for me is the inline skating. You put the nunchuck in the leg strap and hold the other remote in your hand. When she says go you have to crouch down as low as you can to gain the most speed. When you come up to a ramp you have to jump. The ramps get closer so you have to get back into the crouch position and jump again. If you don't have enough speed your person will falter a little. The better you are at it the more "tricks" your person will do. My girl has only managed to do about two!

The game is a little expensive but it's not much more than any other new release game. We happened to find a deal at Best Buy and was able to receive a $10 gift card with purchase. I think that deal is over now but it wouldn't hurt to ask. We used the gift card towards the accessory pack. I think it was around $19. The game runs $59.99 at most stores. I saw it at Sam's for $58. But again, if you are looking for a fun workout with a personal trainer then this is for you!!

I entered my weight in as 130 on day one. I'm anxious to see what it reads by the end of this 30-day challenge! If you are still unsure then I'd suggest you Google EA SPORTS Active. You'll find some pretty awesome reviews and also a video of someone doing it with Ellen on her show. This is definitely worth the money and blows Wii Fit out of the water!!

Let me know if you get it or have it and if you are doing the challenge. I'd love to hear what you think about it.

Pwned....by a freakin' three year old

No, I didn't misspell anything in the title. Google it.

Back last year we bought Mario Kart for our Wii. We thought it looked like a lot of fun and that it would be something we could all play. Well, for a time, it was all the rage when we first got it. We all sat around and played it and the baby especially loved it. At first he wasn't any good but he would sit and play and play and play until he was actually winning some races.

I'm pretty sure I posted how he blew away the electronics guy at Wal-Mart with his mad skills one day while we were there letting him play. He'd gotten so good at the time that there was no way I could beat him (shaking my head in disbelief here), it was killing his brother that he couldn't beat him every time and his daddy really had to try hard to be able to beat him. He was seriously that good.

As with anything else, once the new wears off we tend to shove it in a corner or just lay it down and pick it up every now and again when the notion strikes. We hadn't played Mario Kart in a long while but A2 (who, let me remind you, is 3!!) decided the other day that he wanted to play it again.

Like a desperate good mom, I jumped on the chance to turn on a video game for him because it meant I'd have time to myself for a little while to either work out, wash dishes, or hell, just go take a crap without this little three foot person standing right in front of me holding his nose asking what I'm doing in there for so long. When he first started playing I could tell he was out of practice because he was falling off of the roads and coming in last or closer to the last place. I thought it was a good learning experience to teach him that the more you practice the better you get and if you stop then it's harder to still be as good.

Who knew video games could be such a good learning tool?!

Anyway, he sat there a little while and I went about my business. I could hear him in there yelling at Yoshi, his favorite character, to come on already and various other screamings to that effect. It kinda made me chuckle because I could see my gift of "talking smack" flourishing from my very own little person.

After a while the inevitable happened and he asked me to play with him. I was thinking sure I'll play you (since you suck at it for the moment). Surely I can school his little butt for once because he's so out of practice and I'm the super awesome mom who doesn't need any stinkin' practice, right?

I couldn't have been more freakin' wrong if I tried! I sat down, he set it up, the race began and that little turkey zoomed off and left me in the dirt. That wasn't the worst part though.

Here's a little word of advice to all you parents out there: If you're like me and you like to play around and talk smack all the time from time to time you better be careful because little ears soak it all up and little mouths spit it right back out at'cha when you least expect it.

As the race went on A2 would say to me, "eat my dust mom!" or "are you racing or what?" or my favorite one of all "you drive like a girl!" I shit you not.

What the hell!!??!! I AM a girl you freak!! Needless to say I wasn't able to stay on the road because he picked one where it was floating out in damn outer space and I came in dead last with 0 points. He didn't come in first place but more like 5th but still he beat me. I had to go about the rest of my day knowing a three year old beat me and talked pure smack to me the whole time.

What's up with that? I'd like to see him try to beat me at Guitar Hero (the one and only video game I'm any good at besides Dance Dance Revolution and I kinda suck at that one). Better yet, I'll just stick to my farming in Farm Town on Facebook. That's more my speed.





Excuse me while I get him fresh batteries for his steering wheel.

The Closer You Get....

So, during my time off I thought it might be fun to go back and do some reflecting on what I had written here over the past couple of years to see how much has changed in my life. There were a few posts that I thought were pretty funny, a few that I wonder what in the hell I was thinking when I wrote that, and a few that make me feel really good standing here right now as I write this entry.

If you've followed me at all or even know me then you'll know that I have struggled with my weight every since I had A2 (he was born in July of 2005). Just to be very clear, I've never been overweight and even after the baby I wasn't what some would classify as overweight but for my own personal preference I was carrying around more weight than I was happy to be lugging around on my size 5.5 feet.

After giving birth I weighed 160lbs. I stand 5'4 on a good day so that wasn't horrible considering. The problem with that number though is that one year went by and it hadn't changed. Two years went by and my ass is still large for me and the number has only come down by about 10lbs. The only reason I lost that 10 was because we moved and all that unpacking and keeping up with a tiny baby gave me a good work out. I didn't even realize I had lost it until I stepped on the scale one day.

When I started blogging I think I weighed in at around 150. I read a post the other day that literally made me tear up. I had been struggling and struggling and weighed myself and was so very excited that the scale read....148. I was happy. I weighed in at 148. I had tried on a pair of white jeans I'd bought that barely slid up my thighs but the fact that they came all the way up thrilled me. I didn't even care that they didn't button, they came up past the freakin' thighs!!

As time went on I kept blogging about how I wanted to weigh less yet it was such a struggle to stick to any sort of workout or to just get motivated to do much of anything. If it didn't involve the damn TV remote or plugging in my laptop before the battery died I wasn't that interested. Seriously.

I've never felt comfortable looking into a mirror at my body. I could point out a billion things that is wrong and never truly liked what I saw. My thighs rubbed, my boobs were two different sizes, my belly had extra grips on the side, I've got a freakishly long second toe on my right foot and the list goes on.

Well, somewhere between my very last post towards the end of last year and today I've come to terms with what I see when I stand in front of the mirror. I know I'm never going to have the "perfect" body and I'm never going to feel like I look better than anyone but I stand here today and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.

I weighed in at 130.2 this morning and that means I am five pounds away from my goal weight that I set for myself a few years ago. A goal that I didn't think I was ever going to reach. I feel stronger than I have in years and I don't cringe when I look in the mirror.

I've started a new workout plan that really seems to be working for me. I bought myself a set of Zumba DVDs off of eBay and I set a goal of wanting to run a mile and a half in 12 minutes. I actually look forward to working out and feel like a slob or at least a sloth if I don't do at least a little something.

I have friends on Facebook that cheer me on and I cheer them on to get up and work out. Yes, I still have cellulite. If you know how to get rid of that shit I'll give you a direct number how to reach me but you know what...I'm willing to bet just about every single woman out there over the age of 20 does too so who gives a flying shit if I do!!

I'm never going to weigh the buck 10 that I did when I was in my twenties but that's ok, my boobs are bigger now then they were back then so I'll take the trade.

I guess my point to all of this is that I'm glad I wrote about how unhappy I was with my weight and how I kept trying to take it off and fit into my clothes because now I feel good and I have a better sense of accomplishment not only because I can now fit into that pair of white jeans and actually have to have a belt to keep them from falling off!

Go me! Tooting of my own horn over now. It's good to be back.

Long Lost Friend

Oh, how I've missed you my own little piece of the web. It's been months since I've been able to sit down and write but I think I'm almost ready to let everything I've been hanging on to inside my head and heart out.

The past few months have definitely been filled with lots of ups and downs, funny sayings from the three year old and teenage issues that I'm not sure I can handle on my own. Thankfully I've got a good hold on my emotions and think I'm going to be able to pull through just fine.

So if you're reading this it means you're probably here by mistake so I'll wait as you sneak out the side door. If you're here because you really want to know what's been going on with me then welcome to/back to my world. I'm happy to have you!

I'm going to take this weekend to jot down a few of the things I want to share and will see you soon! Right now I'm going to sit back and enjoy my Mother's Day weekend.....and my new addiction, farming on Facebook! Hey, I never said I'd been doing amazing things with my time off from blogging.

Christmas Wishes

So I'm a little behind on posting...what's new. It's been a crazy few days but it's been worth the hassle. We did a little Christmas shopping in the land of nowhere and nothing and actually found a few good things. We loaded up the car on Friday afternoon and headed back to our old house and spent the weekend there shopping and sleeping like kings in our normal bedrooms.

We've been at my parent's house since Sunday. We've finally finished up our shopping and now it's time to sit back and relax and let the festivities begin.

I hope the boys enjoy their gifts this year. They may not get everything they wanted but hopefully they will grasp the true meaning of Christmas and be happy spending their time with family. I know A2 is beyond happy being here with his grandparents. He couldn't wait to get to their house to see them.

My Daddy is doing wonderful after his surgery and it's the best present I could have asked for. When I saw him for the first time after leaving his house after the surgery he looked like a different man altogether. He's over at the kitchen counter now making pigs in a blanket with my husband and the boys and it's such a beautiful sight.

The weather stinks here. It's raining cats and dogs and I truly feel sorry for those out doing their shopping around here today. It's nothing but nasty outside.

I really don't have much more to say other than that I wish everyone out there reading this a blessed holiday season. I know it can get hectic with all of the hustle and bustle and that sometimes family can get annoying but don't let it get you worked up. Enjoy the time you have and make the most of it!

Happy Christmas!

Whatever

My Day in Pictures

Woke up this morning with a sever case of



Nothing really out of the ordinary when it comes to me and PMS. It gives me something I can put my finger on when people look at me like I have two heads. I mean come on it's not a secret that



It's just that PMS amps it up a notch or 10. Surely by now everyone around me knows that

I'm pretty good at it. I've had years of practice.

Some months are worse than others. I should have felt this particular case of PMS coming on since I've devoured everything loaded with carbs or covered in chocolate and/or sugar in this house for the past three days and truly believe right now that

Not to mention the copious amounts of Reese's peanut butter cups I hid from my family from Halloween all for myself.

Everytime I get one they all flock to me like vultures wanting to know how they can get their hands on one.

The husband knows better to push the issue and openly beg but those pesky children are a different story.

Too bad

I'm going to be writing a nasty little letter to the people at Safety 1st for not having properly working locks and latches in their stupid "childproofing" set. Sure they keep them from getting out but not from getting IN.

Obviously a concept flaw.

Don't get me wrong

I've single handedly turned them into the little monsters they are today.

On most days I wouldn't trade them for a dime...maybe a shot of tequila, but not a dime.

The husband was out of town all day yesterday and spent the night away from home. He called this morning to let me know he would be home tonight for dinner.

I guess this means I have to get up off my lazy ass and do something today. No more lounging around watching hours and hours of Gilmore girls in my pajamas.

Sure

I bust my ass most of the time cooking and cleaning and nobody ever seems to notice the difference around here when I do make special efforts to do something nice, so my new philosophy is

I'm thinking that as long as nothing is morphing into it's own entity out of the laundry pile and we can actually find the remote control then all is good.

Yes, I'm aware that there are those who will visit me with their white kid gloves on and look down on my new way of thinking but to them I gently say

I'll wait over here out of the way.

It's funny what a good case of PMS will do to the attitude. It can take a sweet, ok sometimes sweet, natured girl like myself and give her the gumption to say

to all the mundane little things floating around out there.

The other thing about PMS is that most people have learned that it isn't wise to challenge someone in the throws of an extremely nasty case.

I mean come on

We could bury your body deep in the woods without so much as breaking a nail or even a good sweat......and get away with it.

I haven't exactly figured out the best cure for days like this.

I've tried the buckets and buckets of Haagen Das but that just doesn't seem to do it for me. It just makes me feel that much worse about not being able to button the crumpled up pair of jeans laying in the middle of my bedroom floor that I had on just eight damn days ago.

It's been said that money can't buy happiness but I'm thinking whoever the hell said that was some broke asshole that never tried it.

I say never underestimate the power of retail therapy. I should make buttons and pass them out. I'll take retail therapy over a good romp any day.

Too bad when I got married I was never informed about the importance of

Oh, my husband has one with a little bit of green in it but it's mostly in the form of $1 and $5 and he rather enjoys sitting on them. That high pitch squeaking noise you hear is probably my husband walking around with his "bank."

Lucky for me I have my credit cards that he hasn't managed to wrestle from me yet.

He should notice by now the monthly surge that occurs around the same time every month. If he hasn't then let's just keep that little tidbit between me and you.

The way I look at it, it's a win win because hell who can argue with the logic of

Ah, I feel a little better already just getting that all off my chest. Freud couldn't hold a candle to my Old Navy card.

I'll feel even better when I'm back from the land of 50% off fleece pullovers in a little while. I just need to make a quick stop over at MooOMooO'sRUs for something to wear.

Bloat sucks balls!

And just so you know

Thank you very much.

Toxic Friends

Have you ever heard your phone ringing and knew in the pit of your stomach you didn't want to answer it even before you looked at the screen to see who was calling? If so you must be like me and have what I like to refer to as toxic friends.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that everyone has at least one and if you can't think of one then maybe you need to step back and ask yourself if YOU are the toxic one.

Some toxic friends are generally hard to spot and can start out as really great but once the honeymoon phase of the friendship is over that's when they shed their mask and their true colors shine through. Other toxic friends stick out like a sore thumb and it's pretty apparent they are chronically miserable and will stop at nothing to suck everyone around them into their black hole of misery.

Why am I talking about this?

My phone rang the other day and ONE of my toxic friends was on the line. I saw the name pop up on the screen and against my better judgment I hit answer instead of ignore. I haven't heard from her in a couple of years and thought it would be nice to catch up with her a little bit. I now realize I would have been better off had I dropped the phone in the toilet and punched myself in the face repeatedly for about 10 minutes.

This particular toxic friend (TF from here on out) as a rule never calls to see how things are going with me or to ask how the boys are doing. She usually starts right in on her woe is me routine and her never ending string of ailments that apparently have no cure. Most new diseases and mental illnesses get their origin with this chick if you actually buy into everything she says. I was hoping this conversation wouldn't go down that road since it had been a while since we talked and when she's in good spirits is fun to talk to.

It did.

TF started the conversation with a snarky "so you DO actually know how to answer the phone, usually I get your voicemail."

Inside my head: What a great start. Moron.

TF: "Well I just got off the phone with my boss and I now have to quit my job because my feet are so messed up and he won't let me have the days off I want." "I had this thing come up on the side of my toe and it hurt so bad I couldn't stand for all that many hours without being in so much pain."

Inside my head: I'm sure it's just a corn or a callus but by the time you went online and followed one of those self diagnosis flow charts it's morphed into plantar fasciitis. Just another excuse for you to quit job number 346,678,112 and have everyone feel sorry for you because deep down you just don't want to work.

TF: "Get this, boyfriend 1 found out three days ago about boyfriend 2 and he called the police on me to get out of the house." "I would go live with boyfriend 2 but he still hasn't kicked that dumb bitch of a girlfriend out yet. "I know she's cheating on him." "He deserves so much better than that."

Inside my head, still, because she hasn't stopped for air since I said hello: Are you serious? Can you hear yourself talking??!?

TF: "Oh, guess who's pregnant?"

Screaming inside my head: PLEASE GOD DON'T LET IT BE YOU. Two is enough!

TF: "My daughter.....again." "She met some boy (yes, boy) at the movies a few weeks ago and they hit it off so good." "He's a real sweetheart and he is so good with the baby."

Inside my head: Did she just say she met him a few weeks ago?

Ok, let me just add here that TF is talking about her 17 year old daughter who has a child already that was born premature and has real health issues. That baby should be about two years old now since that's around the last time I talked to her.

ME: "Wow, when you call with news you make it worth the effort." "Where does she live, how is the baby?" "Where do you live?" "Did you know that I no longer live in the same state as you?"

TF: "WHAT?" "Where are you?" "I was waiting to catch up a little bit more with you but I was hoping to come stay with you for a few days until boyfriend 2 can get that slut out of our house." "My mom said I couldn't stay with her, so what am I suppose to do now?"

Inside my head: She said "our" house. Wonder if she can spell delusional? Has she forgotten who I am married to or the fact that I can only take her in small doses? Didn't she just turn 38 in October?

TF: "Well, I guess I better go you wouldn't happen to have Friend 1 or Friend 2's phone numbers would you?"

ME: "No I sure don't, I guess I lost them in the move." (I lied.)

TF: "OK, well bye."

I never got the word bye out of my mouth before she hung up. Now I realize that my thoughts inside my head were not nice but I've known TF for about eight years now and all of our conversations pretty much go the same way. Only on a manic day will she actually ask about me or just talk about random things other than how the world had taken a big shit right on her head.

I met her when I met Friend 1 and Friend 2 years ago. The three of them knew each other long before I came along and none of them were very close. I was sort of the catalyst that brought our little group together. My first impression of TF was that she seemed like a pretty cool person but had this perpetual scowl. That should have been my first clue but I'm a sucker.

I'm going to let the cat out of the bag here and let you know that I'm really a softie at heart. Damn, there goes all my street cred, but I like to help people and I'm a magnet for people with issues. I went into the field of psychology for this reason. I like talking and listening and trying to help people when things look bleak. I'm a pretty good judge of character and can more often than not figure out the root and lay it out there in the open.

I draw the line with people who talk and talk and ask for help and when it's given or suggested they make NO efforts to change. They would rather wallow. TF is a wallower.

She didn't call me to see what was new or to talk about what's been going on with either of us she cut right to the chase. I knew what she wanted as soon as the second sentence was out of her mouth. It was pretty much cemented by the third. In summery, she quit her job, had no money, boyfriend was no longer going to foot the bill for her so she wants pity money from me.

She must have had a rare break in the synaptic misfiring and realized that I was the wrong person to ask flat out about money so she continued on with her story. It wasn't until I let her know that I no longer live near her that she needed to go so abruptly. I purposefully fed her that tidbit of information because the conversation needed to be over. I couldn't do anything for her and I could hear that she was mentally crossing me off the list.

Oh and that bit about wanting to stay with me was total bullshit on her part. She probably would have come over but only if she thought she could squeeze something out of me. My guess is she will be driving by boyfriend 1 and boyfriend 2's houses watching their every move until she gets bored with that and decides to drive by ex-husband 2's house to see if she can catch his new wife outside so she can scream profanities at her. She more or less just needed gas money. If she was hungry I would have fed her. If the baby needed food I would have gotten some. I don't hand out cash. She knows this and had to get off the phone.

Had she called and asked for advice or just needed to talk about things then it would have been different but when it was apparent I wasn't going to get a word in and that she wasn't even asking for me to talk that she just wanted a handout from me I cut it short. Besides I've talked to this girl so much that it's apparent that she doesn't want to change. She thrives on negative attention and will continue in this vicious circle until she decides enough is enough.

The conversation was over in 3 minutes and 44 seconds but it felt like 3 hours and 44 minutes.

The saddest thing that came from that conversation is the fact that it made me take stock of some of the people in my life and I can think of about three others who are just as toxic but in their own way. I'm serious when I say I'm a magnet to this crap.

It's no secret that I come straight out of toxicity. My own mother is the poster child for toxic. It's no wonder I was drawn to the field of psychology. I had to find a way to pick myself up from my own jacked up childhood and figure out a way to stop being a wallower myself and discover the wonders of self esteem. It's not and was not an easy task but I personally know it CAN be done. I have another toxic friend that is so sneaky in their toxic ways that she actually burned me a couple of times. I forget and say things to her that in the end have come back to bite me on the ass.

There is also one other female I have in my life that is so full of disdain for anyone who does not think the way she thinks or does things quite the way she wants them done that she will blast them without once thinking about their feelings. This person expects everyone around her to conform to her way of thinking and if they don't she personally diagnoses them with a mental illness. Regular Anna Freud that one. She is partial to no one either. She will lambaste her own children. To their face and to each other. I hope to never be filled with so much self loathing that I have to project it onto my friends and family.

Don't get me wrong. Nobody is perfect, we all grouse and complain. I've never known anyone so happy with their life that they have cheerful rainbows shooting out of their ass. If I did I would be wary of them. We all have bad days or months or hell, even bad years but when that turns into constant negativity and every thing that happens is interpreted as the worst possible situation ever it's toxic.

There are days where things rub me the wrong way and I'm in full on bitch mode but I've learned to recognize it and turn it off when I see it is starting to take a toll on those around me. I've had days where I've been on the verge of tears for no apparent reason but it doesn't make me feel any better to make the people around me feel as though I need to climb upon a soapbox and put on my doomsayer robe to drag them down as well. It takes effort.

Maybe it was good I answered the phone the other day. Since it's apparent I suck at keeping a whole list of resolutions, I will make just one to stay away from toxic people in the new year because whether you like it or not they get to you and bring you down.

My proof: This post. That phone call was at least five days ago and here I am still letting it get to me.

Do you have toxic friends/family? How do you deal with them? Do you cringe when you see certain names on your caller ID?

Remind me to send flowers to the genius who invented that little gem!

On Lack of Productivity and Unintentional Dirty Words

Talk about taking your birthday and stretching it out to make the most of it. I've managed to get away with doing as little as possible this week and there has been NO griping and complaining.

Things I've accomplished this week:

1. I mopped the floors. Some things can't be overlooked no matter how much effort I put in to ignoring them. Plus when you mop the floors it gives off the appearance that the whole house is clean and you worked your ass off all day accomplishing it when it actually only took about half an hour.
2. Loaded the dishwasher. Didn't bother to unload it though. I figure that since we only have a limited amount of things here that more than likely it will all come out a piece at a time by oh, say, Saturday.
3. Cooked dinner only three times and two of them held probably no nutritional value to my family whatsoever - frozen pizza on Monday and hot dogs on Tuesday.
4. I washed a load of towels since it was either that or have everyone drip dry or dry off on hand towels and I washed the comforter that has been piled up in a ball on my laundry room floor for at least two weeks. I only washed it because I switched detergent and fabric softener this week and the smell is like floating on a cloud.

If I weren't so lazy I'd take everything we own and run it through the wash just to have that smell wafting out of every corner of this house. This is also another way in which it would seem effort was expelled to clean my bedroom today. There is still crap all over the place in there but because the super awesome clean smell of that comforter smacks you in the face as soon as you walk in, you can't help but totally over look that junk and breathe in the freshness.

I could do that for A1 and A2's rooms but since I dipped out that extra helping of lazy this week it ain't happening. I'll wash their sheets tomorrow or Monday.

Sadly I'm sitting here trying to think if there was something else that I actually accomplished this week and I'm coming up blank. I rock at life this week! Good thing it was my birthday so I can at least give some sort of excuse other than just plain old lazy. (I'll save that one for another time. I'm not too proud.)

I did start watching the Gilmore Girls two nights ago, not productive but enjoyable for me, and after finishing the first two discs of season one I've determined that I want to live in Stars Hollow and totally be a Gilmore girl or at least hang out with them!! How could I have not known about this show?? No one I know has ever seen it so it's just a fluke that I decided I wanted to own it and watch it and I. Love. It. With. All. My. Heart!

The mom is a sassy smart ass and the daughter reminds me of my own child had he been a she and not a he. If you have never seen this show you should. Seriously. I saw the first four seasons at Sam's club on Tuesday for $13.88 each. You can't find them cheaper than that anywhere.

I tried out my new headphones the other night while watching my show on the computer in bed and let me tell you after wearing them for a couple of hours that night the next morning it felt like somebody punched me in the ear on the left side.

They work great as far as blocking out the sound (i.e. the husband and A2 snoring loudly beside me) but they are kind of big for my little ears. No matter how hard I tried to squish them to fit in there better it just wasn't happening. I wore them again last night and they didn't hurt as bad so I'm guessing they are just going to take getting use to. It probably doesn't help that I sat my computer on my makeshift upside down empty box nightstand and laid on my left side to watch one whole episode before falling asleep that first night. Notice I only watch at night after everyone else is asleep. That's the only time I get any peace.


Other things going on around here: We've all been working on our Christmas list for the past week or so. I tell you with everyone so broke this year I feel weird sending out a list this time. Is it just me or do you feel like you should be adding stuff like milk and beans and rice and bread to the list this year? Of course we are going to still shop like usual for our cast of characters but I'd rather not have people buy for me this year. (Wow. I know. Unselfishness kicking in. Maybe it just took a few days AFTER my birthday for it to kick in. Who'd a thunk it?) I still want those boots though but I've got birthday money that I can put towards them.

Even though it's a little weird I'm still sending ideas for all of us though because I don't need any more shower caps to add to my collection for those who will shop for me anyway. What's that you ask? Shower caps? Yes, I have been given shower caps as actual gifts. Wrapped up with my name on them. Handed to me with no shame with all eyes on me as I unwrap them. I'm talking the stupid plastic ones that you buy off the shelf and even ones that are given out free from hotels. I've gotten them both more than once. I shit you not. I also have a nice assortment of things that are gold and I'm not talking jewelery.

Side note: A2 has been watching Bob the Builder all week (try getting that damn song out of your head) and his new favorite character is Pilchard the cat. Well, when he's talking about him it comes out less like Pilchard and more like Pisser, or when he wants to elaborate, Piss on the cat. Got a couple of nasty looks on the DVD aisle at Sam's over that one. Not like I needed any help in that department stupid Bob with your stupid cat name.

I'm off to maybe clean the bathrooms or something. I can't in good conscience only have four things on my list of things I've done this week....or can I? It was my birthday dammit!

Birthday Loot

Case you were wondering the husband did come home with cake last night so all was good at our house and he had functioning kneecaps this morning for work. It was a yellow cake with pink butter cream frosting and sprinkles! Needless to say I had a big ol chunk last night and didn't feel guilty at all this morning when I was scarfing down me some cake for breakfast.

Is it just me or does cake taste better when eaten directly from the cake sheet? Just wondering.

By the way, next week when I'm complaining about my pants not fitting me anymore let's not bring this whole cake thing up....mmmmkay.

As for the loot:

A1 bought me these

that I've been crying for for a long time now since my iPod earbuds are all jacked up and won't stay in my ears when I'm trying to run on the treadmill. He is too sweet and bought them for me with his own money. That is saying a lot since he doesn't part easily with his cash.

The husband got me this

which will suck up hours and hours of my time now and I couldn't be happier for getting it!

I've only wanted this forever now even though I have never seen one single episode. I don't know what it is about me and TV shows but if it's good right now chances are I'm not watching it but let it go off the air or a few years go by then I'm all about it.

Shows I am not watching now but will more than likely be raving about in about three or four years:

Grey's Anatomy
The Office
Brothers and Sisters
30 Rock
Heros

I did the same thing with Charmed, Sex and the City, The Sopranos, and Will and Grace even though I did catch a few episodes here and there of Will and Grace when it was actually on the air. I'd rather own the series and watch it at my own pace and watch the ones I really like over and over.

I was thinking just the other day that I needed to stick in season one of Sex and the City and let that series run it's course again. I'm not one of those people that watches their DVDs once and never again. I get the ones that I'll watch again and again. I've got a lot of time to kill between my house and my parents house....about 8 to 10 hours to be exact depending on what we are hauling or how fast we need to get there.

A2 got me this.

I've got one of those all in one printer things right now but it sucks ass when it comes to printing pictures. Now I have no excuse. Plus it's portable and compatible with just about everything so I can take it home with me and print off pictures from other people's camera instead of having them email them to me. I'm pretty excited about that.

I got money that if I had my way will go towards these UGG boots, only I want them in the middle Chestnut color, but the husband would have to make up the difference and since I made out like a bandit from him already I'm guessing those boots will have to wait or go on the Christmas list. They are super awesome though and I want them so bad I can taste it. Too bad my shallowness doesn't decrease with age. If nothing it seems to increase.

I got a gift card to Gap which is pretty awesome and one to Cracker Barrel that I plan on using with my parents as soon as they can get out of the house since that is one of their favorite places to go and have fed us there Lord knows plenty of times.

I also got a bracelet from my mother that really surprised me. I was thinking at best I would get a phone call the day after or some cheese ball message left on my voicemail but she actually made it a point to get me a gift and give it to me in person. Could she be growing up?

To be determined later.

We didn't go out to eat because that's not a big deal for me. I made hot dogs and we ate those with chips and then CAKE!!

I got to sit on the couch and watch episode after episode of that stupid Bad Girls Club show and no one complained one bit. Matter of fact I caught them watching along with me and busted them out on it a couple of times. A1 was going back and forth from his room to behind the couch standing there watching and the husband was suppose to be reading something for his work but I looked over more than 10 times to see him looking up at the TV screen. They weren't fooling me. I fell asleep on the couch watching that junk and the husband came in here looking for me around 3 this morning.

The best thing about my birthday was that I turned 34 and that didn't bother me one bit. I'm happy. I'm healthy and I have family and friends that love me.

How'd I get so lucky?

On Daddy and My New Love

Going to type this fast so I can spill it out and catch up to where I can feel like I'm not running behind. I'm not going to edit so just overlook the mistakes.

Last week this time I was sitting at the hospital with my mom and we were both staring at my daddy as he slipped in and out of awareness. He had his surgery a week ago yesterday and by Tuesday morning of last week he was in his own room.

He was groggy from all of the meds but he looked a thousand times better than I could have hoped for. I hope if I ever have to undergo any type of major surgery like that in my lifetime that I can come through as nicely as he did.

It was a long week sitting there and wanting to help him in any way that I could without being more of a nuisance than a help but I'm so glad I was there and got to spend that time with him and my mom. She's such a trooper herself for staying strong and helping him through this whole ordeal. Is it any wonder her personalized ring tone for my phone is the Wonder Woman theme song?

Thanksgiving day was spent in the hospital but next year and many many more to come we will hopefully all look back on this and be thankful that he is in way better health and shape than he was the year before. I would gladly eat hospital turkey and dressing alone in the cafeteria again if it meant he was going to be healthy as a horse at the end of it all.

Friday I gave them a break from seeing me at the hospital and just hung around their house hoping he would get to come home. I washed and cleaned and just tried to keep myself busy waiting to hear from them. By about 3 or so that afternoon I got a message that said he should be discharged sometime around 4:30. I was too excited.

They have this love seat that sits in front of their big front windows and I perched myself up on the arm of that thing staring out the window much like I use to do when I was waiting to be picked up for a date back in the day. I saw the lights and my tummy did a little flip.

He was home.

Every day is a better day and for that I am so thankful. Nothing in life is guaranteed but to know that he was otherwise healthy enough to undergo this ordeal makes me feel so good. It's going to take a while for him to heal up completely but he'll get there and before you know it he will be back in the floor wrestling with A2 just like he use to. I'm not so sure he'll be able to handle that any better though because that child is a tiger!!

I was going to stay longer to help out but it was really just to hang out because I'm homesick but I decided not to wear out my welcome and come on back home with my boys on Sunday. It took us until 10 pm to get here and the ride sucked major dookey balls but whatchagonnado?

Yesterday A1 went back to school and the man went back to work. A2 and I slept in and didn't do much of anything else. I did a lot of reflecting on where I was a week ago and how it all turned out. Today is my birthday (34) and it's been a good day.

My daddy and mom called to wish me a happy one and it was great to hear their voices. A1 always treats me like a Queen on my birthday so of course I'm eating that up. A2 and I went out and did a little window shopping this afternoon. I want some UGG boots but don't want to pay that much for them. I treated the two of us to McDonald's because he loves to play on the playground. The husband isn't home yet but I'm banking on him to bring home cake. If he doesn't there WILL be hell to pay.

I've put my PJ's on and I'm off to finish my Bad Girls Club marathon. How could I have not known about this trash until today??!! Discovering this filth has been the best birthday present ever. I woke up this morning to it on my television and found myself instantly hooked. It's apparently a twisted take by the Oxygen channel on MTV's The Real World which throws seven strangers together in a house to tape their every move. The Bad Girls Club throws seven spoiled little rich bitches into a house and all hell breaks loose. I've seen clips on The Soup before but have never actually seen it listed on the guide until today. (Insert sound of the heavens parting)

LOVE.IT.

Today was a marathon of last season because tonight at 10/9 central the new season starts. Guess who has it set to tape? That would be me! I had to stop watching at around 11 this morning but taped the rest of them so I've got plenty to catch up on. Matter of fact that shit is STILL taping and runs til 10 tonight. I just hope for little A2's sake we have enough space on the DVR. Otherwise some of those Thomas Train episodes have to go.

I'm not even joking.

He only has about 20 Thomas DVDs so he can give up his space on the DVR for my new found trash fix. It's my birthday dammit. I'm warped. I know. Knowing is half the battle or so I hear.

Other people who share my birthday:
Britney Spears
Lucy Liu
Stone Phillips
Nelly Furtado
Monica Seles
Rick Savage and
Michael McDonald

Happy Birthday to me....and them, but mostly to me.

Update

Just a quick update to let those of you sending well wishes my way how super fabulous you all are! I am at my Dad's house now. Surgery was pushed to Monday at 1. I'm a nervous wreck about it but never let on to him about it. The man came with me so I have him to lean on and he will be keeping A1 and A2 occupied.

I will post more when I can. I'm actually testing out posting this from my blackberry. Hopefully the hospital will have some wifi I can steal!!

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers! Wish you all a great Thanksgiving!

Daddy

So, I'm going about my day today with the usual cleaning and calling to bug my husband at work and chilling with A2 when my phone rings and it's my mom telling me that they are going to be moving my Daddy from the hospital he is in right now to another one and that they will probably schedule him for open heart surgery tomorrow or the next day.

Hold on a sec while I FREAK.THE.HELL.OUT!!

I guess in a way it was to be expected because he told me last week that he had been going back to his doctor for tests because he was feeling short of breath whenever he did anything with his upper body. He did great on the treadmill test and said it was mostly the upper that was bothering him.

Back a few years ago they told him that surgery was inevitable but for the time being they would just monitor him and give him medication. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I was really hoping this day would never come. I mean come on every girl thinks her daddy is Superman and nothing can or will ever happen to them. At least I do. My daddy isn't very old at all unless you consider 51 old. He had me when he was just a pup. I'll be 34 two weeks from today.

I got off the phone with her and called my husband. He tried to relate a story about someone else's same situation but whenever something like that is going on I don't care to hear shit like that. I cut him off and told him that I was going to pack my bag and go home. It was 1:30 and if I had left by 2 I could have made it there somewhere around 10 p.m. I.HATE.HATE.HATE.BEING.THIS.FAR.FROM.HOME!!! I was going to take A2 with me and leave A1 here so that he and the man could continue their routines as normal.

I packed a giant suitcase for me and A2 and just as I was about to start loading them into the car she called back. He would not be going today over to the other hospital but they were going to allow him to go home and they would have to come back Friday to see the doctor again and at that point they would schedule his surgery.

Deep breath.

At least now it doesn't seem as dire and I'm not as panicked as I was before. I called my husband back and told him the updated status and decided to repack my bags and leave here Thursday morning with A2 to be able to go with him to the doctor on Friday just in case they decide to do anything then. If they don't then I'll just hang out with them for a little longer than planned since we were going to be going to their house next Wednesday anyway for the holiday.

As I was unpacking to repack I discovered that I had not packed any socks. My black shoes were shoved into my toiletries bag and that all of my hair care items were left neatly in the drawer in the bathroom. I had to remove a pair of Capri's and a tank top because something tells me the weather won't support that outfit this time of year.

I also redid A2's bag. He now has t-shirts to wear up under the hoodies I packed for him and he has enough diapers to last him for more than a day. I've put all of our stuff in the car. The only thing out right now are my toiletries - minus the shoes - and A2's travel snacks. I'm ready for Thursday morning or at least as ready as I can be. It's going to be a very long very emotional very stressful ride out there but I'm going to be there no matter what.

I don't know what to expect. All I can do is pray that the medical team performs the surgery to the best of their ability and that my daddy is as strong as I know he is and comes out of this even stronger than ever. He has to he's my hero.

Resilience

He's finally up. This is what sick looks like for A2. So much for him needing mommy while he nurses the funk today. Guess this means I have no excuse not to do laundry or change out of my pajamas now. Damn. I was really looking forward to cuddling up under a nice warm blanket and watching some TV all day.

Weekend Update....with a side of mucus

My weekend started early because the man took off this past Friday. We have this place that isn't too far from his office that we will have for a few more weeks and with it comes a free tanning bed. We have it because his work either pays for a house hunting trip when you relocate or they pay for temporary quarters for up to three months. Since we spent out our own money to come out and find a house we opted for the temporary quarters. We have yet to spend the night there but they pay a per diem and without that we'd be hurting right now. Two house payments sucks mushy turds.

Anyway back to the tanning bed, this place is set up sort of like apartments where you can actually live there indefinitely if you want or you can rent them out for however long you need them so of course they have the standard workout room and pool that naturally was closed by the time we got here. But tucked away on the other side of their little computer room is a tanning room. Yes I know it is bad for you to lay in them but once I get started it feels SO good and is hard to resist. I went once the week before last and then again on Friday. I don't go for the actual tanning I go for the heat and light therapy. I can lay down in that thing for 15 minutes and by the time it clicks off my mood is instantly better and I feel like a new person. It's like crack almost or at least what I would think crack would be like for me.

I use to pay for packages to go to tanning beds back a hundred years ago when I actually worked and Friend 2 and I would go on our lunch break. Now I wouldn't pay to go again because of all of the risks but I'll take a freebie in a heartbeat. Were only going to have this temporary place a few more weeks so I'll probably go at least a couple more times but after that be done. It's the only bed they have and it isn't in that great of shape. I noticed the other day when I got out that there was a streak running through it and it made it appear as if I had stripes along my left butt cheek. Sexay!

Saturday was freezing ass cold here. It hurt for me to even go outside. I don't do cold very well. A1 and the man worked on the spare room and A2 and I cleaned up the mans mess he made in the kitchen because he got up and decided he was going to cook breakfast and a ham. Nice gesture on his part but he is like a bull in a china shop whenever he decides to cook. It takes him at least 20 extra utensils and 15 extra bowls to do anything. Later that afternoon we ran out to run a few errands and came back from one of our stops with one of those gamer chairs.

Have you seen these? It's called the X Rocker Pro and what it is is a chair that has speakers built into it and sits directly on the ground. You plug it into your game systems or your television and it's like having your own surround sound right there under you. There are speakers on either side and one on the very back. There is even a port for your iPod and you can even plug in headphones. They had them on sale for half price so the husband grabbed one (at first). He'd been staring at them forever and couldn't see paying $150 for one. We got this one for $70. This was the high end one that actually has arms.

I'll have to concede they are pretty cool chairs because they rock like actual rocking chairs and have this pack that comes with them that will transmit sound wirelessly. We bring the first one home take it out of the box hook it to the Wii and click on Mario Kart. A2 loves it right off the bat. I know I've mentioned in the past about how my husband is a hoarder and tends to go overboard in his purchases. Well if I haven't mentioned that little fact before I'll just say we have three of these chairs in our den now and one in the garage that may be given as a Christmas gift to someone if and only if my husband decides we don't need it for our self since there are four of us and who wants to sit on the stupid couch now that we have these super rockin' chairs??!!

A1 and A2 kept their chairs hooked to the Wii and I had mine hooked to the television. Even though they had theirs blasting out the game I was sitting on the other side of the room and could turn up the Wizard of Oz on my chair and drown them out and the television wasn't even turned up at all. It was set to mute. The sound was coming just from the chair. Note to self: mark new couch and chair off of my list of things I'd like to have to actually make the house look nice. Who needs them when there are three perfectly good gamer chairs in there now!! (This should be read with a little bit of snarky sarcasm just in case you weren't sure.)

Oh, Saturday while we were out I forgot to mention the fact that A2 was showing off his mad Mario Kart skilz in Walmart. You know they have the game systems set up so that whenever you are in a hurry to get in and get out of there it is inevitable they will be unoccupied and either your husband or child will latch on to them to play and it'll take turning red in the face and telling them they are going to get left in the store through clenched teeth to make them walk away.

Naturally on this particular day they had a Wii set up between the toy aisle and the electronic section. A2 wanted me to push him over there so I did. He usually never gets to play in the store because of the older kids or his daddy hogging the games. So I thought what the heck. It was Mario Kart and he'd get a kick out of it. Keep in mind we have this game at home and he can pretty much smoke me at it. He sets it up and starts racing. People are walking by and smiling because they think it's cute a baby is playing the game. Some guy from the electronic section walks by and he smiles and then does a double take because he realizes that not only is this baby playing this game but he just came in 1st place. He starts freaking out and before A2 is finished with the second race this guy has gone to snag a friend to come watch.

They can't believe how good he is. They start talking about how they have watched adults stand there and not be able to come in 1st. It was pretty funny watching their reactions. I'm such a good mom. My child may not be able to count to 10 but he can pretty much drive circles around anyone in Mario Kart. Note from husband: Call preschool and get this child in so he can learn something useful.

Sunday we all decided to get up and go to church as a family. Yeah, I know that comes as a shock. I'm working on my potty mouth. Never claimed to be perfect dammit. This is the first time all four of us have gone together since we've been here. Usually it's a different combination from the group because I haven't felt like taking A2 up there yet and leaving him just because he cries and I hate doing the dump and run thing to him. I prepped him and told him he was going to have a lot of fun playing with kids and that we'd be right back to get him. Of course he cried for the first minute or two but after that he settled in and played with the rest of the kids. Somewhere in all of that I forgot to mention to him that he'd be picking up the freaking Ebola virus from somebody up there!

We come home branch off into our own little worlds and as the night wears on I notice he's got a little bit of a rattle to him. By the time we get ready to go to bed he's full out infectious. He isn't running a fever but he sounds pitiful. I was awake most of the night listening to him breathe because he kept getting choked on phlegm or something and waking up and freaking out. He isn't one to take medicine so as soon as he drifted off we slipped one of those cold strips in his mouth to dissolve. It seemed to help but we had to do it again four hours later. I'll just leave it up to your imagination as to how much fun we had this morning at around 4:30 when he woke up and busted us as we were trying to put another one in his mouth. I'll just say holding him and crying was involved....mine that is.

It's 11:30 right now and he's still sleeping. He's got crusty snot all over the side of his little cheek and sounds like a grown man over there snoring. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't catch it or heaven forbid the man since it will surely intensify from Ebola into the bubonic plague with a touch of cholera and/or raging diarrhea once he gets it.

Today will be spent nursing the little guy back to health. He pretty much wants his mommy within arms reach whenever he gets sick like this so I foresee a day filled with lots of Boomerang and/or Thomas and Friends DVDs underneath a cozy blanket. We may even watch Kung Fu Panda again since we picked it up while we were out on Saturday and it's actually pretty good. I was in the kitchen while they were all watching it and I could hear A1, A2, and the man all laughing out loud while watching it Saturday night.

By the way, thanks Heather for your Carnation Instant Breakfast idea. He loves it and I'm sure on days like today where he's not going to want to eat much of anything he will at least get some protein and that makes me feel better! You rock girl!

Cheeseburger in Hell

What do you get when you cross two strong willed or better yet down right stubborn people? You get a child that is off the charts stubborn as hell and will not budge for shit that's what.

A2 has always been a somewhat picky eater. By picky I mean he pretty much stopped eating anything at all by the time he was a little over a year and a half old. If it weren't for milk the child would have shriveled up and blown away. We tried to give him a variety of things but he wouldn't take a bite of anything. This is a child that ate very good when he was a baby and I can remember a time when he would eat green beans, macaroni, and several kinds of fruit. It went from that to zilch, nada.

I, of course, freaked out at first and asked the doctor what to do and scoured the Internet for ideas or insight into what was going on with this child. A1 never gave me this problem. I was happy to find that there were other parents out there that shared in my misery and dilemma of children that are sustained on milk alone. I figured I'd let it go and when he got hungry enough or moved past this phase he'd eat something.

Sure enough, time goes by and he starts to eat a couple of things here and there. His list seems to be growing slowly but it still disturbs me and the hubby that he refuses to try anything. I'm not going to force him to eat things he truly doesn't like but come the fuck on, how can I get him to at least try something??!! There is only so much nutritional value that can be gleamed out of fish sticks, toast, dry cereal, chicken nuggets and fries, and the occasional grilled cheese sandwiches. Those are pretty much the only things I can get in this child's gullet. Oh, cornbread is another thing. He loves it.

Sweets are another story. He's a sweet freak. I'm pretty sure he's going to grow up to be the guy that shows up to anything involving cake. You may not even know who he is but if you have cake at your event he'll be there. I truly believe you could roll shit in sugar and give it to him and he'd have his doubts but somehow manage to hoover the sugar off.

I've tried to be devious and sneak things to him that are "healthy" but he's not an idiot. He can tell I'm up to something before I even start. About the best thing I got him to do was drink a concoction I made up with my juicer that had carrots and oranges and apples and pears in it. I didn't want to give him too much at first because I was sure he'd break out in hives for having an actual vegetable in his system. He liked it but after about two tries with that he was done with it anyway.

I've tried not giving him anything at all and having him come to me and ask for something instead of automatically giving him milk when he wakes up. That doesn't do much good either. He can hold out a lot longer than I can and I feel bad once it starts getting on up in the morning and he hasn't had anything. We tried giving him one Pediasure (teddy bear milk) a day since it says on the bottle that it can be supplemented for a meal and has a lot of vitamins and nutrients in it and that had to be better than nothing but that was borderline crazy too. Do you know how expensive that crap is? You'd think it was damn liquid gold or something. Now they are just given as treats since even though they seem to stink like poo to me he likes the flavor.

All of this is very frustrating and it's gotten to the point of being downright ridiculous. I'm at a loss for what to really do. I can remember having to sit at the table for hours until I finished whatever was put on my plate. I can remember being stubborn and refusing to eat and opting to take an ass whipping at times to be able to get up. I don't recall ever being physically forced to eat anything but wouldn't put it past her if I had been. I'm a pro at repressing a lot of shit that went on when I was younger but I digress. I'm beginning to wonder if those type of tactics are what I'm going to be forced to try myself. I'll never make him eat something again if he at least tries it and THEN decides he doesn't like it. Right now he claims he doesn't like what we offer him before he even gets a look at it on the plate.

Yesterday the husband was off work for Veteran's Day and we decided to go out and pick up some supplies to finish out a room that the previous owners started above our garage. I made muffins before we left and thought that A2 would like them because he usually all about that and they had chocolate chips in them. He wouldn't try even one at the time so I did the typical mom thing and put two in a Ziploc for him for later and headed out the door.

We talked about going to lunch while we were out and that today was going to be the day we get him to eat, and by eat we mean at least take one freaking nibble of a cheeseburger from McDonald's. I mean come on, he eats plain hot dog buns and calls them hamburgers and he eats cheese sandwiches so it's really not that far of a stretch to move on to an actual hamburger bun with cheese and a paper thin hamburger patty on it. I even told them to leave it plain so the ketchup and stuff wouldn't freak him out.

That fucking cheeseburger was almost the death of me yesterday.

We went to McDonald's like any other time. We got our food and his happy meal and sat down. I talked it up and acted excited as I opened it up and sat it all out in front of him but he wouldn't try it at all. He spent his time driving one of his Thomas loaders on the top of it. He wouldn't even eat his fries which he usually likes. We stuck to it and didn't give in and let him have any of our drinks or his apple juice that came with the meal. When we were finished I packed his stuff back up in the box and told him that he could have it later but until he tried at least one bite he would get no drink, no candy and no Toys R Us. Didn't phase him.

A little time goes by and I know he's got to be getting hungry but he's still not budging when I ask if he wants a bite of burger. I was starting to feel bad but little did I realize the reason why he wasn't was because I forgot I had left those damn muffins back there with him and he'd chowed down on one of those while the husband and I were tying down the stuff in the back of the truck. Cleaver little boy. He now had the argument that he ate the muffins we were trying to get him to eat earlier. In his head he'd done a good thing. He ate. (Don't forget this child only turned 3 in July.)

Defeated a little we let that go and he got a little bit of drink to wash it down and was told that even though he got around it for now he still had to try some cheeseburger before he got anything else. He shrugged it off and said OK. We had several more things to do so we went about the day and by the time we were done and got back to the house it was close to 6 and since I was hungry by then I figured he had to be too.

I usually cook his grilled cheese sandwiches on our George Foreman grill. I had the bright idea that I would put that cheeseburger on the grill to heat it up and to make it resemble the cheese sandwiches a little more so that maybe he would eat it. At this point I knew he was hungry because he kept hovering around in the kitchen asking for a sandwich but he was nervous because he knew something was up and he hadn't forgotten about that cheeseburger. I took it off, cut it in half and put it on a plate.

Cue hell because it's about to break loose.

The husband put some chicken on the grill, A1 was hanging out in the kitchen with him, and I started putting up some things we had gotten while out that day. We just left A2 to look at his plate and decide what he was going to do. We didn't make a big deal out of it and would only glance over there at him out of the corner of our eyes. He would pick up a piece every now and then and then just drop it back on his plate. The rest of us went about dinner as usual. We ate our food and it was time for dessert.

Enter hell.

A2 was getting pretty happy at this point because he figured he'd skip the whole cheeseburger thing and just go ahead and have dessert too. Wrong. Husband and I told him that if he took one bite he could have whatever dessert he wanted. Just one bite. Seemed like a deal to me. Hell, one bite for a chunk of brownie seems like a win win to me. Then again I am a little further along in my reasoning than a 3 year old. He wasn't giving in. He was getting pissed though. He decided he was going to throw the cheeseburger and pitch a fit. That got him his first spanking.

He did it again. That got him taken to the corner in the hall away from everyone else to think about it. He was pissed beyond belief at that point and refused to stay in the corner and was screaming he wanted a brownie at this point. That got him his second spanking. Didn't phase him. He then tried to climb up on his daddy and grab something from his hand. It's safe to say he was loosing his damn mind and there was nothing we could do to chill him the fuck out.

We couldn't spank him anymore because at that point it would have just been pointless and wrong so I decided to go into the hallway with this child, sit down in the floor and physically block him from going back into the other room where his daddy and A1 were watching TV. That killed him. He tried to bulldoze his way past me but I wouldn't budge. I pinched off a piece of the cheeseburger and told him that all it took to get passed me was to eat that one bite. He threw it off of the plate and onto the floor. I told him that I didn't care if he threw it on the floor that he'd just have to eat it from there. He WAS NOT giving in. At this point I'm thinking "Who in the hell is this child and where is my sweet baby??" All of this over a fucking cheeseburger. Seriously!

This went on for at least two hours. Two. Long. Ass. Hours. He kept coming up with excuses like he doesn't like cheeseburger, he needed to go potty, he wanted to go night, he wanted to be saved by his daddy or he needed to check and see what Bub was doing. At this point it wasn't so much the fact that I wanted him to try something new it was the fucking principle of it all and he was NOT going to pitch a fit that massive and get away with it. Come hell or high water he was going to eat that bite little does he know I myself can be one stubborn bitch. Where in the hell does he think he gets it from??!!

I had resigned myself to the idea of sitting in the floor all night if I had to and if he fell asleep then we'd get up and go right back to that spot as soon as he woke up. Finally after my ass cheeks had both gone numb from sitting on the cold tile floor, sweat was all around his ears and his face was streamed with tears and was blotchy red from all the crying......he took that one bite.

I made him open his mouth so I could see, told him great job and let him by and that was the end of it. Of course his daddy was jumping and clapping like a monkey and after shooting daggers from my eyeballs into his skull I warned him not to praise what we just went through and stop all that nonsense. Yeah it was good that he took a bite and he could certainly be praised mildly for that but not to the extremes my goofball husband was doing.

At this point I'm stressed the fuck out and exhausted. I had to go dust bust the crumbs from the hallway where he pitched that damn cheeseburger all over the place and clean up the mess that he made from digging that gel shit that is inside a wet diaper out. I change him and he hugs me and tells me sorry for being ugly. I hug him back and he lays in the floor to watch his brother play Wii. Within about 20 minutes he was asleep. Around 20 minutes later I was asleep. He had worn the both of us out.

Today he's up and running around like nothing ever happened. I've decided that I'm going to put him food out for breakfast from now on and until he finishes that he gets nothing else. Today I gave him a cup of milk, two pieces of toast, and some dry cereal. He drank the milk and ate the cereal and one piece of toast but until that other piece of toast is gone he's out of luck. I told his dad on the phone just a little while ago that if that toast is still sitting there come supper time then that's what he will eat. Nothing new is going to be given out. I'm tired of throwing away perfectly good food because he refuses to eat and fills up on junk he cons out of everyone to open for him.

I'm considering taking him to get another cheeseburger tomorrow just to see what he will do. I'm hoping he'll realize that it wasn't so bad and that he might actually like it but if he truly doesn't then that's that and I'll try it again later down the road.

As of last night though I'm pretty sure it would be safe to say that if he could A2 would tell Jimmy Buffett to kiss his tiny little ass but for now can somebody pass me the daiquiris and don't be stingy with the frickin' rum.