I.Am.Invisible.

Seriously. I am the incredible invisible mom slash super wife. I do not exist. My wit, my wisdom — my excruciatingly insightful parenting advice that I’m so eager to pass on to my offspring — poof! Passes out of my mouth into the air and disappears, like dandelion fluff along with the brilliant ideas I come up with to share with my husband.

Case in point. Well actually two but we'll start with this one. I blogged a few days ago about how A2 decided it was more appealing to chow down on his fruit loops if they came out of the potty chair bowl. Weeeellll, for about a week or so prior to that I told hubby and A1 to go in the bathroom, take A2 with them and take a leak in the bowl so he would know what to do with it. Did they listen? Nope of course not they are guys and they didn't think it up themselves.

At least not yet.

Keep all that in mind. Because here's the build up. During the day A2 and I have our routine worked out to where we are pretty well happy with the goings on. We sleep in, we get up and eat breakfast (sometimes), we watch some Backyardigans, play, clean house, eat again (sometimes), call hubby 10+ times to see what he's doing, and anything else that may come up. I haven't been looking forward to this whole potty training thing so I haven't been in too big of a rush to scuttle A2 off to the potty chair. I silently decided that I'm going to let his daddy field that one. He's a hell of a lot more anxious than I am to get him into underroos.

Anyway, last night I'm strolling through the living room wondering where A2 and his daddy have disappeared to because I couldn't hear them. Turns out they were in the bathroom. With the door locked. I knocked to see what was going on and I heard from the other side, "men's private time go away mom". Well kiss my grits. I kinda chuckled to myself because I knew what was going on in there and could just picture it.

After about five minutes the door flies open, A2 runs out with just his t-shirt on and hubby is rinsing the potty bowl out in the sink with this smug grin on his face. He proceeded to tell me that contact had been made. I asked what happened and he told me that HE, yes, I am trying to enforce the fact that he said HE, decided to show A2 how to use the pot by taking a whiz in it in front of him. Are you freaking kidding me!! This assclown (don't tell him I called him that) is trying to take the credit for MY idea. What am I, not here!! I let him have his moment because A2 came back a couple of seconds later and wanted to do it again. He was actually straining to try to pee in the pot. Yay A2!! I'm so blessed with the most creative husband ever. Who else but him would have come up with an idea like that. ***Grumble, Grumble, Grumble***

Next example and it involves A1. His computer was on the fritz for about a month with the screen being broken and all so he was freaking out. He couldn't get his computer games to load up on the one he had because they required a large amount of space and the game card wasn't compatible for some of the games he plays. Well, we found someone who had an extra computer and was willing to sell it for pretty cheap and it would be perfect for his gaming. He asked me what he should do with his old computer since it has now been fixed and works perfectly otherwise. I told him that he should do his iTunes on the old one because I was going to put my account on there as well and we could share anything we wanted to without having to make CD's. Plus he could surf the net on the old one and store any documents or photos he wants without worrying about space. This would allow him to use the new computer just for gaming. He didn't really like that idea because he didn't want to have to switch back and forth and was thinking about selling the old computer. I told him that if he did that then the likelihood of me or dad using his new computer went up and he'd have to monitor his space usage pretty closely. This conversation went on about two weeks ago. Two (2) weeks ago.

This past weekend he finally got the new computer in his hands. At first it didn't work but luckily hubby is a computer nerd and was able to fix it although it took him several hours. That naturally made him some sort of freaking hero and his ideas for the old computer were sage ass wisdom. I asked A1 a couple of days ago what his dad told him he needed to do and he (meaning Dad) said that it would make more sense to use the old computer to play on the Internet and upload songs to his iPod and just play video games on the new one to alleviate taking up too much space with all his other junk. He then explained to me how that was a good idea because he wanted to load up all the games he could on the new computer. Where in the t-total hell had I heard that before??!!!

I opened my mouth. I wanted to say, “Excuse me???? DAD said????? Are you all INSANE?????? DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME AT ALL???? HELLO, HELLO…..DOES ANYBODY PAY ANY ATTENTION TO ME????”

But I didn’t. I just shut my mouth, nodded thoughtfully, as if I was hearing this for the first time, and said, “Sure. That makes sense to me."

GAAAH, I stress therefore I blog. It allows me to grumble about the people who live in my house and complain about how hard it is to be so smart, so insightful, yet... so... ignored….

Now I know what causes normally rational, intelligent people to start walking around, muttering to themselves.

They are married with children.

iPodders Anonymous Anyone?

I'm addicted to my iPod. I have literally spent hours listening to, trying to figure out how to work, or uploading music to this thing and it's driving my husband crazy!

I have one earbud in my ear seemingly all day now and if I really want to block out the zoo crew I slip in the other one. Right now. Both earbuds firmly planted inside ears. I can hear what they say but pretend I can't. **That's our secret, don't tell them**

Ever had one of those days where you'd scream if it would help, punch a hole in the wall if you could, or just felt like crying? I did today. I have worked my ass off around here for four days and can you tell it? Nope not one bit. I think I feel like ass right now because I didn't get to work out last night, haven't been able to sleep for the past two nights, and there is an entire bucket of toys spilled out on the playroom floor for me to pick up for the umpteenth time this week. Hubby decided once we got downstairs last night that he wanted to use the Bowflex and that left me with running on the treadmill which would have been perfect except for the fact that A2 wanted to see just how close he could get to the belt before I lost my mind. I had to stop after about three minutes. Worked up a real sweat there! A2 was driving me nuts. Much like he is right now. He's now trying to dump a second bucket of toys into the floor. I could really care less about the toys being on the floor but he has undoubtably found some old plastic Easter eggs from last year, or hell maybe even a couple of years ago, that have malted mini eggs inside them. He's busting them open and cramming them in his mouth faster than we can get them away from him to throw them in the trash. I'm looking to blame A1 for this. He is notorious for stuffing candy in places it doesn't belong and leave it to A2 the super sleuth to sniff it out.

Add to that the fact that I am currently balancing my laptop in my lap against the side of the twin bed in the playroom. Why am I doing that you ask? Because the hinge on one side is completely broken off and the other is hanging on by a thread, literally. A2 somehow got a hold of it again today and I'm really surprised he didn't come into the living room wagging my screen with him. Now I have to figure out how to get my iTunes from this computer to one of A1's. Yes he has two. Mom has a ghetto computer but A1 was two. Don't ask.

Don't know what's going on around here but hubby came home from work with the delightful news that his stomach has been tore up since about lunch time and seemingly right on cue A2 stunk the whole back end of the house up. **Please don't let the squidgies get passed around this house again dear God** The whole house is starting to smell like putrid mustard. Don't ask me how I deduced that but it's just plain ol nasty around here right about now. Great.

Best part of the whole day = A1 is the sweetest thing ever. He didn't eat all of his Ben and Jerry's from yesterday and asked me if I wanted to share with him today. I told him no thanks and he said he felt bad for eating it in front of me since I was trying to lose weight. That was just too sweet. I told him to go ahead but you know, I don't think he ever ate any. **May cry a little over that one** Only because I know how bad he wanted it. He only bugged the t-total crap out of me for over a month to go and get it.

I was hoping to dish on American Idol today but can you believe I haven't watched last night's episode yet. I know. Me either. Hubby decided he wanted to watch his Battlestar Galactica from Sunday night last night. I.Hate.That.Show. In fact I could pretty much live without the entire Sci-Fi channel's line up of shows. But it keeps the guys happy and out of my hair for at least a good hour sometimes. Guess I can't complain too much except for when it cuts into my television time.

Gotta go work out. Maybe I'll feel better. If nothing else it has to at least smell better down there and I can sing out loud to I will Survive on my iPod. Believe me that's not something you would want to witness!

What's this taste like mom?

Last post date was February 6th! Oh my goodness. How did I let that happen? I guess my fast paced, jam packed life just wouldn't allow time for me to come here and blog. Or it could be that I'm lying right now and don't want to really admit that I've just been too lazy to blog. Take your pick. I'll go along with either choice.

New resolution: Try to blog at least ten minutes a day even if it's about nothing at all.

Plus, I've spent the past few days in front of the television watching the three ring circus that is/was Anna Nicole Smith's life unfold. Everyday I think to myself, "self, this really couldn't get any more screwed up" and what happens? It gets more and more complex every day. I really feel sorry for the baby and just hope they get the paternity thing cleared up soon. My money is riding on Birkhead. He seems genuine albeit a media whore at the same time.

Ok, what's new with me: Went to the doctor last week and that wasn't fun. How can anyone really enjoy having some stranger poking and prodding around where they don't belong. What's worse is that there is another person in the room with them doing nothing but just standing there watching. By the time I was finished I was sure I was owed at least a little something for the peep show.

What else: I got me an iPod over the weekend. I whined and cried about it enough that I was certain hubby was going to give in and get me one. No.can.do. He's a tough bird. It takes me longer to break him down these days. So the coolest person in the whole wide world got one for me. They know who they are and they rock! I've spent the past two days doing nothing else but loading it up with songs. I have anything from Mariah Carey to Madonna to George Strait to the Bee Gees on it and I LOVE it with a capital L! Now A1 doesn't have to worry about me jamming out to his or looking for an excuse to ground him just for that purpose.

A1 won his battle with me over taking him to get Ben and Jerry's. He's only been begging for it for the past month. I did a bad bad thing and introduced it to him a few months ago and he's hooked. They have to lace that stuff with crack or something because once you start you just can't stop. I'm so proud of myself though because when I took him today I just got him some and didn't get one for myself. The last time we went he got one, I got one, we brought them home and ate the entire contents of our containers while watching the night before's Desperate Housewives. And I wondered why I was getting fat! That's our Monday ritual. He comes home from school. We stop what is going on and watch that show. We're addicted. He'd crap if he knew I was calling him out on watching it but oh well.

Speaking of fat. I'm woo hoo proud of myself for still working out on a regular schedule on the Bowflex of Doom. I do it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I'll have to testify that their claim of a better body in six weeks is a little bit of a stretch but I can actually see some good results. I'm not quite at the point where I'd like to be but getting there little by little. I'm fitting into my jeans better and each week when I try on a different pair that maybe didn't fit a couple weeks ago they button. I'm a jeans whore, I literally have about 40 pair of jeans and the more I fit into the happier I get. I've also been running on Tuesdays and Thursdays every chance I get. I don't beat myself up about it though if I don't get around to it.

A2 is still getting into things he shouldn't. Right now he's sitting beside me eating a Valentine's Day card that his Granddaddy and Nana mailed to him. Yes, I said eating. It's really quite gross and I should probably stop him but hell, I can't get him to eat anything else so I'm guessing paper won't hurt him. Besides I'm blogging right now and it feels GOOD.

While I'm on the subject of him eating, here's something a little funny he did today. He and I jumped in the bathtub this afternoon for our long overdue bath. It'd been since Monday since we had one. Again, gross I know but who has time!! Anyway, it was so cute because he grabbed the bar of soap that was on the ledge and of course it slipped out of his hands but he didn't care. He had some soap on his hands and started rubbing my back. I was putty in his hands. He tried to get the soap again but of course it slipped out every time. We continued on with our bath and since he insisted on sliding the door open and shut about a thousand times I was freezing to death and ready to get out. I started to let the water out and he stayed in to play as it drained. Well, as I was drying off I heard and awful racket coming from him and a clunking noise. He had picked up the soap and apparently wondered what it would taste like. I'm guessing he didn't like it because the racket was him spitting soap out of his mouth and the clunking was the soap being slung across the tub. I picked it up and put it on the counter for a picture. I about peed myself from laughing so hard at him. I'll add a picture so you can see just how big of a chunk he tried to bite out of it.



It looks like that on the other side as well. He was going to make it a good ole' bite. My money is on the notion that he won't be trying it again anytime soon.

Well, I'm off to scoff at the new American Idol. So far I'm not too impressed this season but I'll give my two cents on it tomorrow. Enjoy your Valentine's Day. I'm enjoying mine. I heart my guys, especially hubby since he came home at lunch today with a dozen roses, taco bell and a radio adapter for my iPod as my Valentine's Day present. Now I can jam out to the radio through my iPod. Coolest.Thing.Ever. A1 is so green over it. I told him we could share though since I'm a cool mom like that.

XOXO