Hiatus

I haven't quit blogging I've been a combination of things, lazy being the frontrunner. I've been enjoying the last couple of weeks before A1 has to go back to school, chasing after A2 and laughing at his new catch phrases (I'll explain more later) and reading Harry Potter (yep, I'm a closet Pottergeek).

I had to wait for A1 to finish the book and most importantly be able to grab time to sit quietly to read and absorb what is going on and not just skim. That's next to impossible in this house. I'm almost finished with it and plan to blog your brains out as soon as I'm done!

Hang in there and don't give up on me. I'll return as soon as possible! I really want to finish it by tonight or tomorrow.

It's All About You A1

Dear A1,

13, wow how can that be!, years ago today, you were born and my life has been beyond blessed since. If you could have chosen a mommy to be born to, I’m guessing the 19-year-old emotionally unstable Me would not have been your first choice, but because I became a Mom on that day, I left many parts of that person behind, making me a much better mother for you, and now for your brother. I’m sorry that we weren't the “perfect” family for all those years but I’m so proud of how you adapted. I'm also sorry for you that there is a part of you that has been missing for all these years. You and I share a special bond that nothing or no one can ever break. The day you were born, the life I was destined to live began.

At every point in your life, I've had people - friends, family, even strangers - make a point to tell me how fantastic of a kid you are, and I always say the same thing: I can't take full credit for it, he was born that way. Because you truly were. You were a laid-back baby who rarely fussed, you never really went through the terrible twos, and you’ve always been respectful and polite. I know a lot of people think that makes me a good Mom, but I always feel like that takes a lot of the credit away from you. You are simply an amazing person. For what it's worth, I think I’m a decent Mom, but that is not why you are amazing. You simply are. You are mature way beyond your 13 years and have always been that way.

You have always been the one who feels bad for the kids that get picked on. You want to protect those who can’t protect themselves, especially your brother. You are kind. You are sensitive. And you are really damn funny. Everyone is amazed by how good you are with A2. Where I am happy with it - it doesn’t amaze me - because I expected nothing less. You’ve always been good with kids smaller than you, they always seem to like you, and the love you have for your brother shows with every second you spend with him.

The fact that you two will be close means so much to me because I never had a brother or sister of my own to turn to for support and that was tough because while growing up, I really could have used one. The fact that you and he will have that resource in each other forever, makes me beyond happy. He looks up to you and you have so much to teach him. I feel bad that there is such an age gap between the two of you sometimes but on the other hand I think that is what makes your relationship so special.

Honey- as you get older - we argue over more and more....and more things. You want a cell phone, I want you to hang up your towel. You want to stay up all hours of the night, I want you to go to sleep already! You want to play endless amounts of board games, I have to clean the house and can’t always do it with you. I am glad to see you developing your own taste in books, movies, and especially music. Where I’m totally thrilled is when they overlap mine (Desperate Housewives, Big Brother, The Beatles) and am also happy when they don’t (Akon, Stargate, Avril Lavigne) because it’s proof you are developing into a unique person, away from me.

When I have to tell you “no” to something you want, it breaks my heart because I want nothing more than to make you happy. I hope you don’t spend too much time sulking over not getting those things, but more importantly, I hope someday you’ll understand and maybe even thank me for it.

Thank you for still being someone I can hang out with. I know it gets harder for you as you get older and I get less cool, but it means so much to me to hear you say I'm the coolest mom ever on some rare occasions. I love sitting around and watching TV together, I love dancing to music with you, I love playing with your brother with you. I hope we continue to do those kind of things together even as you get older, but I understand if they fade away. I mean, I think I’m totally awesome, but some day, I’m sure you won’t see that. Just promise me that when I call you, you'll actually pick up and not let me roll to voice mail on purpose. (If you do, I'll have to spill the beans about your affection for Max and Ruby, I'll totally do it too!)

But until then - I’ll savor every moment we have as friends. You are amazing and I hope I never make you doubt that. You have given me gifts in my life I’ll never know how to thank you for. So, I just try to be the best mother I can. I owe you at least that.

Happy Happy Birthday, A1. I love you more than I could ever really say. Heck, I'd give up Dr. Pepper for you and you alone!

Love,
Mom

Mr. Sandman, Bring Me a Friggin' Dream

No I haven't been up on an all night drinking binge, I gave that up about 13 years ago. My eyes are this hideous shade of red because I managed to eek out about 2.2 hours of sleep last night. Oh that's right you can't see them. Well, take my word for it, it looks like I have a raging case of pink eye minus the disgusting ooze, thank goodness. Last night's 2.2 brings my grand total for the week up to about 12.2 hours. Excuse me while I yawn uncontrollably. I hate when this happens and it's gotten to where it happens more often than not. I really don't have anything to blame it on other than my circadian rhythm being stuck in disco mode. Yippee, for me.

The best thing that comes out of me not being able to sleep at night is that while everybody else is asleep, I can watch as much junk on television that I want without listening to any bitching and moaning about how "stupid" (insert name of show here) is. I've managed to watch seasons three through six of Sex and the City this week with a few episodes of season three of Seinfeld thrown in. I caught up on Big Brother and even managed to read a little bit about what's going on with the live feeds. Right now it's not that interesting because there are too many of them in the house. I like it after four or five have left and the "oh, shit I could be next" factor kicks in. That's some good watchin' right there!

I've almost caught up on Days of our Lives, which is getting a lot better I'm happy to say and I even watched the first four episodes of Real World Reunited on Demand last night. Hey, what can I say, I like to watch junk that doesn't require a lot of thought. Sure there's much better things I could be doing with my time but hey, at three in the morning I'm thinking it's better that I sit quietly in the other room and watch television as opposed to running the vacuum so that everyone else can sleep. I'm thoughtful like that.

I think part of my problem last night was that I had a major case of menstrual cramps (sorry Daddy, you may want to skip this part), my second of the week. Big fun there! I swear, every since I had A2 I've had some crazy cramps. I haven't hurt like this since I first started. Luckily it's not every month but maybe every third month is pure hell on earth. Monday it felt like somebody had sucker punched me in the gut for the better part of the day and last night I felt like I was about to give birth all over again. No amount of Tylenol could even touch it. I considered rummaging through the back of the cabinet where the good stuff like the percocet is kept but decided to forgo the junkie route. It finally subsided at around 3:30 when I decided to wag A2 into bed with me.

Yep, I got him out of his bed, in which he was sound asleep, and schlepped him across the house to my bedroom. I figured I was saving him the trip and plus I felt sorry for him. Since I was watching On Demand last night I stayed in his room watching television instead of going into the playroom across the hall from him where the DVD players are at. I was kicked back in my comfy chair all into my Real World when all of a sudden he started to move around. Since I've slept with this child for the past several months now, I knew what was about to happen. He shifted once and that was fine, but about 10 minutes later the big move came and !SPLAT! right out into the middle of the floor he landed. Naturally it woke him up and he started to cry and had I not been in there to scoop him up immediately, it would have been then that he would have made the journey himself into my room. I hugged him and kissed him and put him back in his bed where he promptly fell back asleep but I still couldn't help feel sorry for him.

I hate the fact that his bed doesn't have a safety rail on it. You'd think it would at least come with a little piece of wood or something that would prevent the inevitable !SPLAT!. I tried to call the company that makes the bed today but their telephone number no longer works and they handle all of their customer service stuff online or through the retailers. In other words, "sorry about your damn luck" as far as getting in touch with someone goes. So now I'm left to my own creative wonderment to come up with a way to rig up a safety rail that will either 1) prevent him from falling out of the bed in the first place or 2) at least make it less harsh when he does take a tumble. Last night when he fell, it wasn't straight down it was more like fall and roll. He landed a good foot and a half away from the bed.

I've been searching for a body pillow that I like to go with his Spongebob theme but haven't had any luck so far. I saw the most awesome Elmo one at K-mart but I don't want to get it because it doesn't really match anything except the Elmo he got for Christmas (yes, he got one of THOSE Elmos). Hubs said I should just make him a body pillow and I'm thinking about doing that and somehow making it to where I can attach it to both sides of the bed with maybe straps that loop around to give him something to roll up against. I'm grasping for straws here. I've posted pictures of his bed before so if you've seen it and have any ideas for me let me know, I'd appreciate it.

Only six more days til my baby turns 13. Man, I'm getting old. Not really, I had him when I was 19, too young to be having one but oh, well! He hasn't been here this week and I've really missed him. I talked to him on the phone a few minutes ago and it just kills me how different he sounds on the phone these days. I miss his little boy voice!

I've definitely sat here too long, I have to get up and go make up beds and do some spot cleaning before the parents come up this weekend to bring my baby home. Plus A2 is watching some silly show that is driving me batty. It's some Big Music Show and they are running through the different types of music right now. Most of it was pretty cute but this zydeco crap is grating my nerves. Lisa Loeb was just on singing this catchy little tune that I'm convinced will be stuck with me for the better part of two days now. Ever heard the song Jenny Jenkins? Well, that's what she was singing and now it's penetrated my brain like some sort of evil earworm. I tried to find her singing it on Youtube but didn't have any luck. I did fine these two singing it though. Some of you may have heard it before, but I haven't until I saw it on this show.



Good luck getting that one out of your head! No wonder I can't sleep at night my brain is too full of useless stuff like this on a continuous loop. Watch the whole thing if you can. It's actually kind of cute.

Roll Jenny Jenkins Roll.

I'm too bleary eyed to check grammar so feel free to point and laugh at any blatant mistakes.