Easing Back In

Since it's been about four months or so that I just up and dropped off the face of my blog how's about we play a game of quick catch up with my favorite thing....bullet points! I'll give a little on each one and elaborate more later.

• I no longer live in my perfect dream house that was located only two hours away from my entire family and was in an area where I actually knew people and could get to the mall without having to pack a light snack for the journey.
• I'm now living in a house that is nice and new and pretty but will NOT hold all of our stuff without having to do some cleaver combining of things. I'm thinking about storing my extra dishes in my closet now since it is seriously bigger than my kitchen. I can turn cartwheels in my closet but have to turn my fat ass sideways to get my baking stone out of the oven because there is a stand alone island smack dab in the middle of the kitchen. Same goes for the dishwasher which is on the opposite side of the island.
• Directions to my house include: If you are coming from the north side of town you want to turn when you get to the cow on the pole OR if you are coming from the south side of town you want to turn when you get to the silo that is painted up as a GIANT Budweiser can. Shit. You. Not. If you pass either of these glorious landmarks on your way out here then you've gone too far. I'll post pictures soon.
• We only brought about 15% of our stuff out here with us because we still have the other house listed on the market and didn't want to leave it empty for insurance and showing purposes. A2 is sleeping on a futon, we are sleeping on A2's mattress set (which is only a full size set) and I'm using boxes lined along a wall in my bedroom as a makeshift dresser for the hubby. He has a box for black socks, white socks, white undies, colored undies and one for wife beaters since he now has to wear a suit to work every day. I've got two boxes in the closet for myself as well. One for underwear and one for socks. We are living the glamorous life I tell ya. Went to make muffins the other day for breakfast but by the time I was ready to pour in the batter I realized my damn muffin pans are at the other house. Moving sucks balls. Big. Donkey. Balls.
• A1 is adjusting well to school but not so much to his raging hormones. Is it just me or are ALL teenagers assholes? I'm trying to find something for him to do to burn off some his pent up frustrations. Unfortunately the only thing to do around these parts involve either shooting helpless woodland creatures or gigging frogs. I wish I was kidding about that. Can't wait to relive the morning he took a swing at me by writing that story. It's not quite as bad as it sounds but still not so good.
• A2 LOVES the new house and has claimed it as his very own. I'm pretty sure it's because he can ride his tricycle all over the place with no obstacles right now. There is literally nothing in the living room and only a treadmill in the dining room that will probably have to stay there because I don't know what else to do with it once we do finally get our stuff moved out here.
• A2 has expanded his vocabulary to include a couple of colorful phrases. We got Wii Mario Kart for him and if you listen closely you'll catch a "dammit" or a "shit" every now and again whenever he falls into a pit. I've pretty much got him broken from saying it but the worst part about it is that he will randomly come up to me to inform me that he "won't say shit anymore because it's not nice!" I can be on the phone or cooking or watching television or better yet standing in line at Old Navy when he decides to let me know he isn't going to say shit anymore. He's thoughtful like that.
• I have no idea how much I weigh at the moment. Our scale is on the fritz and I've decided that is a good thing. I can happily say that I can fit into everything that is hanging in my closet right now and that some of my 8's are actually a little loose - just a little mind you. I've got one pair of Joe Jeans that I'm still working on getting my butt into and when that day comes I'll be pretty stoked. They button right now but the sight isn't too easy on they eyes and an oxygen tank wouldn't be one of the main accessories I'd want to carry around just to wear them. You'd think after all this time MIA I'd be a little skinny Minnie but nope that's not the case. I'm getting closer to my goal but still not quite there. My birthday is in December and I'd like to have reached it by then. If I had to guess I'd say I'm only about 5 or 6 pounds away.
• I met John Walsh after only being out here four days. He said I was beautiful. I think he was overly exhausted from all that horse riding he did for the show.
• The closest Gap is an hour away in another town. That's just utter bullshit if you ask me. The saving grace to that situation is that they just moved a gigantic brand new Old Navy into a new shopping pavilion that has a Target, Books a Million, Bed, Bath and Beyond and a Shoe Carnival in it just one exit down from mine. Never mind that it takes me a frigging half hour just to get to the Interstate though from my house. I'm been spoiled to everything being close to my house.
• After giving up on Days of our Lives over the past year or so I've fallen right back into the story and haven't missed a day in two weeks now or fast forwarded through any of it. It's like catching up with family you haven't seen in a long time. I've followed that show every since I was around 8 or 9 because my cousin Banana, who is like three years older than me, wouldn't play with me until it was over and I had to be quite while she watched. Since my birthday is coming up pretty freaking fast and I'm honing in on the 34 mark that would mean I've kept up with that show for nearly 25 years.
• Can't wait to see Corinne shit her boy brief boxers and Charlie burst into tears when they find out that their beloved Marcus got the boot from Survivor Gabon.
• I'm SOO happy all of the election crap is over. I'm not sure what I think about our new President Elect but I'm willing to be open minded. We live in a very very red state so we are surrounded by a lot of people who are none too happy about the turnout and voice it loudly. A1 is pretty excited about the turnout. He called the winner months ago even before the candidates were set in stone. My husband is the conservative type and would have liked the vote to have gone the other way. Being in law enforcement, he tends to disagree with some of the democratic views. I'm like a purple dot in the middle of the state. I'm not for one side over the other. I believe both parties bring something to the table and even though I can't claim to be "part of history" by electing our new President I'm really anxious to see what he can accomplish.
• I jumped on the tweener bandwagon and read the entire Twilight series. Quick comments on that include: 1. Renesmee is the stupidest damn name I've ever heard in my life and if there are any fantards out there planning on naming their baby girls after that shit then they have serious issues. 2. Along about book two I was ready to scrub my eyeballs out with lye soap or hunt up Mrs. Meyers and kick her in the cooch if she wrote one more fucking time about "Edwards impossible beauty"....excuse me while I swallow the vomit that just came up into my throat. 3. The ending was anticlimactic for me and left me wishing I had the hours of my life I'd spent reading them back to waste on something better like the ending of the Road Rules/Real World Challenge and the reunion show.
• I'm currently taking the lazy way out and got The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath on CD from the library the other day. It's read by Maggie Gyllenhaal and actually quite entertaining. It's pretty relaxing to put my headphones in at night to drown out the sound of my husband's snoring and listen to the story. Downside is that I fall asleep and have to go back and listen to parts I've already heard once to find my place.
• I'm fascinated with crime story shows right now. Shows like American Justice, Snapped, Forensic Files and the First 48 are sucking up unusually large amounts of my time. I think I'm starting to catch the work bug and stuff like that has always interested me. My dream job would be to become a Forensic Psychologist but that's not really an option right now. Last time I checked they didn't let broke ass people back into college. I've been looking though and have tried to play the angle of being an asset since I friggin' graduated with honors when I got my Bachelor's in Psychology. It's not working. Something about tuition being a NECESSARY part of being admitted back into college keeps tripping me up.
• Can't wait to tell the story of how I have a massive bruise right above my knee and how it was given to me by a bottle of hair conditioner.

This is all I've got for now. I'm sure there is a lot more I need to purge from my brain but I can smell the smoke coming from my ears from blogger overload right now. It's good to be back.