Thursday, January 31, 2008

On Cognitive Dissonance and Cat Puke

(Pardon me while I go off on a tangent here!) Want to know what's more fun than cleaning up vomit after a sick two year old all the while as he keeps digging little gems out of his crusty little nose and then holding them out on the tip of his chubby little thumb while screaming "MOM, BUGS" at the top of his phlegm filled lungs......give about stepping in the middle of a cold chunky stream of orange projectile cat chuck.

Let's see you top that one. Oh and it's an (unnecessary!!) Snow-Day here so both children are home fighting with each other and screaming and chasing each other like maniacs because this is SO out of their routine.

But back to the initial topic, I'm putting my cat on official notice. She has been freaking out like some crazed lunatic for the past week and it's driving me insane. Normally this is a pretty chilled out cat. She eats, sleeps, shits, looks for the occasional sunbeam to soak up in the front room and hides from the baby. That's it. She hates when we have people over and hides until her eyeballs are about to bulge out of her tiny skull from holding off going to the shitter for fear of being seen by anyone.

She isn't one of those cats that like to be picked up or really for you to touch her at all unless SHE initiates it or it's storming outside and then you can't shake her off of you. But for the last week or so ALL she wants to do is rub up against either me or hubby and walk as slow as she possibly can directly in front of me in back and forth motions. I swear if she makes me fall one more effing time she's getting the boot outside - or at least downstairs to the basement. Not only is she doing this but for some reason she has been walking around the house half hunched up with her tail fluffed out like she's ready to kick some major ass or she's scared shitless about something.

If I didn't know any better I'd swear she was hitting the chronic cuz sister girl is showing the signs! Also, I'd blame it on A2 but he hasn't been feeling up to torturing her much this past week or so because he's been so sick. Come to think of it maybe that's what's wrong with her. She's freaking out because she isn't use to someone not chasing after her or rubbing her in a backwards motion so that her hair stands completely on end.

If I hadn't had her fixed soon after we got her I'd almost think she was in heat or something. For the past couple of nights she has actually freaked out A1 because she takes off running and making this weird noise with no warning. I almost crapped my pants from laughing so hard at him last night though when she did it. She was walking around in her hunched up stance and about the time A1 stepped into the kitchen to come into the living room she took off in a mad dash in front of him to get somewhere other than where she was. It sounded like somebody was choking her with the throaty noise she was making and on top of that she was scrambling to get traction on the hardwood so her claws and feet were thumping the ground SO FREAKING LOUD for a small cat! It scared the shit out of A1 because it was a pretty loud commotion and he started jumping around, waving his hands and screaming like a little girl.

I would have paid top dollar to have a video of his reaction just to be able to show it to his future wife and children or just to be able to watch it over and over again for a good chuckle myself. Seriously, if she doesn't snap out of this phase soon I may have to check into getting some kitty Valium and then maybe something for her as well.

Moving on - I'm ashamed to admit that before I went to bed last night I weighed and it said 143.3. Can you believe that shit?! Oh wait, you can because I already admitted to my little Oreo mishap...and the cake. I haven't weighed yet today. Just not feeling it. I told myself all day yesterday that I was finally going to go downstairs and get back on the treadmill and dust off the Bowflex-o'doom but that never happened. I'm trying to talk myself into hauling myself down there today and making this be my fresh start but do you realize just how lazy I truly am?

I figure that if I do actually get started today since it's still January that it still counts as keeping my New Year's Resolution as long as I keep it up from now on!! We'll just have to over look all the junk I've shoved into my cake hole and that nasty cookie incident. In fact, let's never speak of it again. Sigmund Freud would be so proud of my rationalization skills, or rolling over because of them.

So it got the best of me. I couldn't hit the publish button without doing it so I went to weigh - 142.3 yeesh - how depressing after seeing 137 even if it was for a brief second. Meh, NOBODY but myself (and somehow Nabisco) to blame.

Note to self: Quit just bitching about it and take your lazy ass downstairs and run already. You'll feel better. Fin.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


I was watching Curious George for like the gajillionth time today and it hit me that there is a slight resemblance between George and A2.


Maybe I just need a nap. It's just funny to me that I watch that movie now thinking, "that is sooo my child!" the entire time.

And yep, I'm aware the poor thing has my chin.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

If You Sit Very Still

It's no secret that I'm struggling with my fat girl issues. Granted I no longer look in the mirror and cringe since I have managed to lose at least a little bit of the weight but I still see some jiggle that I'd love nothing more for it to just leave my fucking thighs and ass and stomach get the picture, already!

For the past month or so I've tried to be good and cut out all forms of Coca-Cola and other sugary drinks and be more aware of how much I put into my mouth. But, it's days like today that the skinny girl trapped inside my fat girl body struggling to come back out wants to reach out and kick that fat bitch in the crotch and ask her what in the hell are you doing??!!

Let me 'splain.

If you read my recent post then you know that A2 has been sick as a dog for well over a week. He's finally feeling better and back to his mischievous, bazillion question asking old self. He actually went to preschool yesterday, had a great time, and was begging me to take him back today as we drove by it to run some errands.

Anyway, the other night the doctor called in some medicine for him to our local Sam's club and the hubby drove by there to pick it up. My guess is that they didn't have it ready by the time he got there so he had time to browse a few aisles that he SHOULD NOT HAVE.

Not only did he bring the baby his medicine but he also brought home this:

What the hell? Is he begging for a divorce??!!

Notice that there are 10 (ten (english), diez (spanish), dix (french), zehn (german) you get the damn message!!) sleeves, each containing 14 cookies, inside this box. I didn't question it when he came in and in hindsight I'm pretty sure it's because I was in a state of delirium and it never fully registered until today.....five days later.

Now out of those 10 sleeves there are six left. That's not too bad, three sleeves divided between four people in six days, since we opened one that night and have munched on them a little at a time. More so over the weekend. I did very good because I wouldn't eat over two at a time until yesterday when the boys and I each shared three a piece while playing us some Wii. The serving size is actually three cookies so I felt like I was doing pretty damn good by not overdoing it. I mean come on, it's freaking Oreos!

It is here dear reader that I'd like for you to pause and go back up to the previous paragraph and do the math. I'll wait......(humming Jeopardy theme song in my head).

That's correct ten minus four equals six and I said that THREE sleeves had been divided between the four of us. What happened to that one rogue sleeve you ask?

I ate that fucker all by myself within the time span of 15 minutes. And it was gooouuuoood!!!

So that faint sound you hear off in the distance if you sit very still is the sound of my ass cheeks expanding and the massive gas bubble that's brewing inside my tummy.

Don't be alarmed when you hear the loud boom'll be me finally farting or my stomach exploding.

By the way, don't tell the husband that I ate that sleeve all by myself or I'll totally deny it and A1 will be forced to take the fall. I'm not above blaming him again one bit.

Gotta run, the Mom-Of-The-Year committee is calling me....or is it the toilet??

Friday, January 25, 2008

Dear Charmin,

I've been a loyal customer of yours for quite some time now but it seems as if we may need to part ways if something doesn't change. For the past six months or so it seems that I have been having more and more trouble having your tissue stay on the roll. For some odd reason it seems to all fall off and land in a pile under the tissue holder. I'd appreciate it if you would run this by your quality control people and see if they can come up with a solution to the problem. I know something can be done about it because you seemed to have had the same problem about 11 years ago but it suddenly stopped. I really don't want to switch to the competition since that would be the equivalent of running sandpaper up the crack of my ass on a daily basis and I'm just not into that. Your prompt attention to this matter would be greatly appreciated.

I've enclosed a photo that should give you a clear idea of the problem I am having.

Have a squeezably soft day!!


(Un)Comfortably Numb

What the voices inside my head are singing screaming today:

Hello.Hello. Hello.

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

Is there anyone home?

(Any attempt at making this post coherent are purely coincidental and should be read with the knowledge that I've had about two hours sleep in two days and that wasn't all at once but in 15-30 minute bursts!)

I always knew I wouldn't make it as an every or even every other day blog poster. Just too much shit going on that sucks up my spare time. (Damn you TMZ!) I should really go back and revise that resolution of mine that said I wouldn't let more than a couple of days go by without updating to say something along the lines of not letting more than about 11 days go by. That I can probably keep up with.

This has been one crazy week and I'm not even exaggerating. A2 started coughing sometime around Sunday when we were home visiting the parental units and by the time we got home late Monday night it was all over for me/him/us in general. Tuesday he spent the day being quiet (so not like him) and not playing as much as he usually does. Still just coughing though. By Wednesday it hadn't gotten any better but it wasn't horrible. I didn't take him to preschool because I'm not one of THOSE moms that take their kids to school with the snotty noses and hacking coughs and swear that it's not contagious. Whatthehellever ladies that do that, keep their little butts at home!

Anyway it wasn't until Wednesday night that ultra clingy, miserably uncomfortable, coughing up a lung, low grade fever hell broke out. It's been determined that I suck at keeping my resolutions so of course A2 is still sleeping in the bed with me and his daddy. Needless to say by the time the crud kicked into overdrive that night we were all up playing musical side of the bed. A2 could not get comfortable all night. He wanted to waller all over the bed but the worst part was that he wanted to be right up against me or his daddy with our faces pressed against his own. Normally that would be considered a sweet gesture but since he was hacking up both lungs and sneezing every five seconds right into our faces it wasn't pretty. I must admit that I whispered into his ear to go lay near daddy at least 10 times. I'm probably going to catch it anyway, so why not spread the mucus love!

All joking aside I felt so sorry for the little guy. He has never ever been this sick before and it broke my heart to see his little eyes so droopy and weak. Thursday morning I decided to call the doctor to see if he could squeeze him in for a quick visit or at least call him something into the pharmacy. You have to understand the doctors office I deal with to appreciate my frustration yesterday. (Picture an office full of incompetent hyenas with a raging case PMS and dumbshititis to boot.) I was running on about 15 minutes of total sleep and my child was laying around sick as crap so I was in no mood for bullshit.

I called up there and naturally they couldn't see him. That's fine because I know it's cold and flu season and they were probably covered up. The receptionist said I would need to leave a message and someone would get back to me. Normally that too would be fine but these people are notorious for NEVER returning phone calls and using the lame ass excuse that they never got the message. It's happened to me at least three times. It wouldn't be so bad but on the machine you have to leave name, date of birth, weight, symptoms, mother's maiden name, phone numbers to be reached at, last bowel movement and the name of the guy who sang that song in that movie about blowing up stuff. It's ridiculous. All this information has to go somewhere but they claim to never get it.

I called the first time at 12 and waited until 3 to try it again since I hadn't heard a thing, they close at 4, and the clingyness had kicked into high gear. I swear I was sitting on the toilet with him in my lap at one point. If he wasn't sleeping he wanted me to pack him everywhere I went - everywhere. I couldn't let him go on feeling this bad so the next time when I called I used my Jedi mind tricks on the receptionist and at the end of our four minute conversation she and I were best friends, she could practially see how cute A2 was over the phone, and I'm pretty sure she would have been willing to drive some meds to my house on her own time. She told me she would personally take down all of his information and give the message directly to the doctor. I can be very charming. Shocking I know.

After a little while the nurse did call me back and we got some meds called in for him. Just to check I asked her if she got all my information off the answering machine, because I'm not one to let things go, and, get this, she said she didn't have a record of me calling into the answering machine but that the doctor gave her my number and information. WTF??!! I was pretty sure she was lying and had she not been willing to call something in for us at the time I swear I could have reached through the phone and punched her in the throat for it. These jackasses need to seriously check into a new answering system or at least get nuts enough about them to admit that they didn't want to or aren't competent enough to deal with all their calls and if you aren't willing to put in more than one call then sorry bout your damn luck. I'd much rather hear that if it's the truth other than some bullshit story about the message never getting there. Oh sorry, I digress.

Last night was a much better night compared to Wednesday night. A2 was a trooper and took his Tylenol for fever and later he took some of the medicine that we picked up for him to help with the coughing and congestion. I'm pretty sure he would have slept for pretty much the entire night but some time around 3 in the morning we checked his temperature and it was back up to around 103. As much as we hated to do it, we woke him up to get some more Tylenol in him. His dad and I sat up with him checking his and our temperature with about four different thermometers at least a thousand times until A2's finally went down to 100 point something. That was hubby's cue to give up and try to get some sleep. Naturally A2 was wide awake so he and I turned on the TV and watched some Spongebob until about 4:15 when he finally decided to call it a night himself. I finally fell asleep about 20 or 30 minutes later but kept waking up to feel his back and head.

I'm happy to say he hasn't had any more fever and slept until he woke up on his own at around 10:30 this morning and it's well after noon right now. He even woke up in better spirits but our new problem is the never ending glob of yellowish snot that is now occupying his entire left nostril. I tried to squeeze it out with a tissue once but he decided he wanted to fight me on it and scrubbed his face along the entire length of my pillow smearing about a six inch line of slime all over it. Guess I'll be changing sheets later or switching pillows with hubby, we'll see how the day goes and what I have time for. I'm thinking a bath for both me and A2 will take priority over a lot of stuff since we both smell and look like crap.

Other than dealing with a sick baby there really hasn't been much going on around here. A1 has been a perfect angel and I feel bad that he's been left to hang out on his own for most of the week. He has offered to watch the baby while I take a shower or cook a few times. Too bad the baby wouldn't let him though.

In between episodes of Spongebob I've watched a little bit of TV. I'm hooked on this new show on VH1 called Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. It's crazy and you should watch it sometime. I think it actually comes on Thursday nights but I just catch the repeats. I'm looking forward to Big Brother starting again in February. I actually saw the first promo for it over the weekend. I love love love this show. I just hope they don't do an all star cast like they did the time before last. I like it when they start will all new people.

I've been watching American Idol as well. I can't wait for all the bogus auditions to be over though and they get down to the Hollywood shows. I'd much rather see that than the stupid asses dressed in funky clothes that just want their 15 seconds of fame on television. It's really not that funny anymore. More like lame.

I discovered a new show that now takes up about 25% of my DVR because I haven't watched it since that one time I caught it in the morning and that is Charmed. Why is it I jump on all these shows after they've wrapped up? I've finally seen every single episode of The Sopranos and I'm starting to work my way through Will and Grace since I got some of those for Christmas.

There is a couple of things one thing on my resolution list that I'm putting in pretty good effort towards and that is getting A2 to use the potty. He's actually asking on his own to go and I'm pretty stoked about that. I knew if I just waited him out he'd pretty much break himself.

I jumped on the scale yesterday and guess what it said? 137.9 for a split second before going back to 138 w00T!! Hold on and I'll go weigh right now.....138 exactly. Oh well it's better than the 141 that wouldn't budge a week ago. I'm actually surprised it went down instead of up since my daddy thought he'd sabotage my efforts by sending me home with a plate full of cake that my grandmother made! She makes about five or six, or maybe even more than that, cakes each year around Christmas and freezes them until she finished with them all at once. Then she takes them out and cuts them all and everybody gets huge chunks of each kind. It's pretty freaking awesome if you think about it. Homemade cake, come on!! It has to be illegal or something to make so many cakes and send them home for people like me who stood in the kitchen yesterday eating the entire chunk of red velvet and carrot and a little bit of the jam cake right off the plate.....for breakfast.

I'm off to give A2 a bath now before my entire house starts to smell like sour baby. I'm hoping it prompts him to take a nap because I'm sleepy as crap right now if you couldn't tell from the mindless rambling. I'm not use to running on two hours sleep for two least not without some vodka and jello shooters.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Never A Dull Moment

I thought I'd share with you a rather LONG post tonight but instead of making you sit here and read about my fun filled evening, I thought why not share it with you in pictures. (You can click on the pictures to make them larger. I encourage you to do that for a few of them, especially the third one down, so you can appreciate the FULL effect.)

To add insult to injury Hubby dear is out of town until Thursday so it's just me and the boys. I'm seriously thinking about leaving this mess until then. In case you can't figure out what the hell is going on here, A2 climbed up on the dresser and got the baby powder (AGAIN!! He did this yesterday but not quite as bad) and had himself a grand ol' time. I guess this is what I get for wanting to have 10 minutes to myself to read my emails and catch up on who's doing who on TMZ. Besides, all this powder covers up the cat shit and makes my house smell rather pleasant.

If you need me I'll be the one curled up in the fetal position trying to catch my breath and see through Johnson's and Johnson's cloud that is my ENTIRE house!!

Saturday, January 12, 2008


If this video thing doesn't work be patient I'm working on it and if it does work then just consider this picture I threw in as a bonus!

This is A2 riding his four wheeler through a mud hole in the side yard. Of course this is the first time we've ever used this camera to record anything so the quality is less than stellar. He did it for at least an hour today while his daddy was outside trying to build some sort of contraption for the dogs out of pallets. A2 had such a blast being outside today! It was so fun to watch him on that thing. He reminded me of myself when I use to love to do nothing else but ride my own 4-wheeler with my cousin.

I'm loving the fact that it was so pretty and we could spend some time outside today because all that fresh air has A2 snoozing like a lump on the couch right now. It was such a nice day today even though major changes in the weather all week have had us all scratching our heads and wondering when Jesus was going to show up. It's gone from below freezing and clear to near 70 degrees with hail and tornado warnings and watches all around us to today's mild 50 something. And get this, I'm pretty sure A1 said he heard we were suppose to have flurries tomorrow. What is going on with all this crazy weather? Is the weather anything like this where you are?

I'm glad we got this video because I haven't had much to post up here this week even though it's been a busy busy week. I do have one announcement to make and that is that I've decided it was time to NEVER take a bath with A2 again. It's a sad time for me because I hate letting little things like this go. They grow up so fast. Here's where you cue up the theme to Jaws in your head and I tell you my reason(s) why.

The other day I told hubby that I could see funk rolling off the baby and that if he wasn't doing anything (and he wasn't) that he should go and take a bath with the baby. After about 20 minutes of saying it over and over again hubby finally said, "FINE, will you just shut up and leave me alone already!!". (I love it when I get my way!) They get in there and they are having a fun time when all of a sudden I hear hubby screaming like a girl at the top of his lungs. I dash in there to see A2, who is at the head of the tub near the faucet with a cup in his hand, doubled over in laughter.

It didn't take much encouraging from me to see what had happened. A2 had taken that cup and filled it up with the coldest of cold water and gushed his daddy with it. I swear I bout peed my pants, 1. because A2 thought this little gem up all by himself and 2. hearing hubby scream like a bitch is just funny, I don't care who you are, it's good stuff. After all that, hubby said he was pretty sure A2 was whizzing in the water. That alone should have deterred me from ever taking a bath with him, needless to say it didn't, but that's just reason number one.

Reason number two came last weekend when hubby put A2 in the bathtub, this time alone, and I went to the kitchen to clean up our lunch mess. Somehow hubby got distracted watching television in our room, which is right outside of the bathroom where A2 was, and wasn't really paying too much attention to what A2 was actually doing. I went into the bedroom after about 15 minutes and asked hubby if he was watching the baby. He "claims" he was listening to him the whole time and could hear him splashing and playing cars. Next thing I know A2 has gotten out of the tub and with one of his notorious scowls on his face babbled something along the lines of, "hey jackasses get in here and look at what I've left for you. Top that suckas, booyah!". Now keep in mind he didn't really say that (he's only 2) but after I stepped into the bathroom to find a turd and a half sitting there in the bottom of my tub, that's what I interpreted it as.

Now I will say that after he decided to drop a deuce in my tub he was at least kind enough to let the water out so I (yes I not his stupid daddy) wouldn't have to fish around for them or stand there in utter disgust waiting for the water to drain so I could pluck them out. After I got the tissue and deposited the turds to the proper receptacle I had to scrub the tub and then put A2 back in and give him a real bath all the while cursing hubby dearest under my breath. 1. because he wasn't watching the baby the first time and 2. because why in the hell do I always get shit detail??

You'd a thought THAT was enough to keep me out of the tub with him right there wouldn't you? Well, I'm a glutton and here it is, reason number three. I decided to take a bath with him just the other day and THAT bath there will be the last. I was trying to save time because I needed to pick up A1 at school and I figured taking a bath together would make things go a lot smoother. Well, I was wrong. We get in and all he wants to do is crank the cold cold cold water into the tub and gush me in the face with it. I couldn't take it so I snatched the cups away from him and threw them outside of the tub. Luckily he's just like his daddy and easily distracted. He started playing with some green foamy stuff that you squirt on yourself and rub in. It's apparently got some sort of cleaning properties to it but I'm not convinced. It kinda smells like ass to me but oh well he was enjoying it.

After a little bit I'm trying to get the shampoo out of my hair when he decides he wants to come over and punch me in the left boob while I've got my head down in the water and my eyes closed! What the hell!? He calls them boo boos and for some reason has become obsessed with them over the past couple of weeks and nope, he's a bottle baby not a titty baby. I'm convinced it's inbred into all boys, it just hit him early. Anyway, after wincing in pain from both the boob shot and the shampoo in my eyes, I look over to see him with his tiny ass hovered just above the water with this weird look on his face. "OH NO YOU DON'T!!" I yelled and that if he so much as THOUGHT about going potty in the tub I was going to dunk his little ass under.

Oh but he wasn't planning on doing that at all. All he was planning on doing was just farting and falling over into the water from laughing at himself and the bubbles that were splashing up on his butt. He did this not once but twice. Needless to say I wasn't still in the tub for his encore presentation. I'd had all I could stand and got out. It was at that moment I knew in my heart I could never again bathe with my tubturding fartmeister precious little baby again.

Can you really blame me though? Didn't think so! Happy weekend out there in blog land. I'm off to scare up some grub and kick back on the couch for a fun filled night of doing nothing but watching TV. Only three days left until American Idol!!

Come on say it with me, "W0hoo0T!!!"

Monday, January 7, 2008

Doo Wah Diddy Diddy...

Monday! Monday! Monday! I had such big plans for you today dear Monday but you've managed to bend me over and kick me square in the ass! What is up with that?? I was so looking forward to you today so I could get some much needed house cleaning done before the health department comes in and shuts me down all together. The husband went back to work today and the kids were both gone, A2 only from 9:30 to 12 though. Perfect time for me to start on the massive list of shit I need to get done right?


Want to know how I managed to spend my time alone this morning while the crew was gone and I was here alone? I spent it NOT cleaning my kitchen or bathroom or utility room or living room or bedrooms. I spent it NOT taking out the garbage or vacuuming and mopping the floors or even taking a shower. I spent it sitting on my duff eating Raisin Bran and watching The Tyra Show. Yep, I said it, The Tyra Show. How.Embarrassing!

I've only watched her show a handful of times and for the most part she's pretty silly. I felt sorry for her last year when the media was calling HER fat. AS IF! Anyway, I don't know how it happened but when I turned on the TV she was on and I never changed it. Funny thing is, she wasn't even talking about anything of importance and it wasn't even all that interesting but I sat there and watched every single minute of that show. Live. I never watch live TV.

Before I knew it, by the time I'd finished watching Tyra, went to the bathroom in peace, ALONE, and then put up my cereal and milk it was time to go get A2. So much for getting anything done while he was at preschool.

We got back at a little after 12 and I had three hours before I have to leave again and go get A1 from practice. Loads of time to get some cleaning done, right?


Here it is 2ish and I still haven't cleaned the kitchen or utility room or living room or bedrooms. Still haven't vacuumed or mopped the floors, taken out the garbage, or taken a shower. what have I been doing?

I've been chatting on the phone for 30 minutes with Friend 1 since I haven't talked to her since before the holidays. I chased A2 around the house after getting off the phone with her because he himself smelled like garbage after dropping a huge load in his diaper and thinking I wouldn't notice by running and hiding. (Yeah, that resolution about having him crap in the toilet isn't going quite as planned!) I've tried to bribe said A2 into eating something besides the massive amounts of sugar he usually ingests on a daily basis but failed miserably at it. I've gone back to the bathroom at least twice now, both times with my usual audience, because that earlier Raisin Bran is playing havoc with my digestive system and it isn't pretty.

What else? I've started and stopped A2's Spongebob DVD in my bedroom about three times now because, again said A2, has discovered that if he drags the chair that is at the foot of my bed over to the armour he can push buttons on the TV and DVD player causing said mother (me) to flail my arms and screech for him to "nnnnnoooot doooo thhhaaaat" which in turn causes him to laugh his little baby ass off and wait for me to leave the room so he can do it "wun maw tiime iz awwl". Good times, I swear!

So needless to say I've decided that since there is no real point in getting all involved in cleaning up right now (warning LAME justification ahead!) since I have to leave in just a little bit anyway, that I will just put it off until after I pick up A1. Plus this way I can bride him into helping me since I let him use his computer yesterday when he was totally banned from it the night before for being a smart ass. I'm so weak sometimes. Plus I understand the teenage mind and guess I could see where he was coming from when he was being all mouthy. He totally gets it from me anyway so I let him slide on occasion. This time will just cost him. How else am I going to make it look like I've busted my ass all day cleaning by the time the husband gets home without help at this point?!

Once I get started I'll get into the swing of things and will actually get a lot accomplished it's just the getting started that kills me. Speaking of getting started and into the swing of things, TONIGHT Fo SHO is the night I'm going to get back into my workout routine. Bullshit you say. We'll see. I weighed myself yesterday because I was feeling a little lot puffy all day and sure enough I'm up three (3!!) to 141. That just sucks ass! What more motivation do I need after that? Here I was feeling all good about myself because the big girl made it into the 130's and I went and blew it somehow.

I know one thing, it sure as hell wasn't from drinking anything that tastes like something worth drinking. FYI, Sam's Choice Diet Coke.....NOT GOOD!! Going to try Diet 7-Up and Sprite Zero tonight or tomorrow. Even though it tastes like ass I'm still going to finish the other off before I crack open another one. It has be to the oatmeal raisin cookies and pasta and other random junk I've been shoveling into my face like there's no tomorrow. Bletch.

So here it is 20 minutes before I have to go get A1 and I've only managed to get one thing done and that one thing is to post this, yip, yip, yippee! Man, who can keep up with me!! Now that it's time to acutally go get A1, I have to go roust A2 who has now fallen asleep (Murphy's Law) and THAT will be like kicking a damned ol' hornets nest to wake him up to put his clothes on (he stripped down as soon as he hit the door) and load him into the car. More Good Times!

Would I be considered a bad mom if I just put him in the car as is with maybe a blanket over him since it's friggin' 69 degrees here today? I'm leaning towards that idea. If I don't wake him up I can spend that five minutes or so spell checking. I'll just let you guess my decision. Here's a hint though, no spelling mistakes = baby in car nekkid (<--that word doesn't count, spelled it that way on purpose). Spelling mistakes = I'm super Mom and tangled with the tiger.

Here's to a much more productive afternoon. Don't overwork yourselves out there. You're making me look bad.

Oh, one more thing, the post title has absolutely NOTHING to do with the post. It's just the stupid ear worm that's stuck in my head at the moment. Do you know how hard it is to come up with titles for this stuff? Pretty hard. So my gift for you is to pass my ear worm on to you because I'm cool like dat!

All together now,

There she was just a-walkin' down the street,
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
snappin' her fingers and shufflin' her feet,
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
She looked good, LOOKED GOOD
she looked fine, LOOKED FINE
she looked good, she looked fine
and I nearly lost my mind.

Before I knew it she was walkin' next to me.
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
Holdin' my hand just as natural as can be,
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
We walked on, WALKED ON
to my door, MY DOOR
we walked on to my door,
then we kissed a little more.

Wo-o-o-oh, I knew we were falling in love,
yes I did, and so I told her all the things
that I'd been dreamin' of.

Now we're toget her nearly every single day,
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
We're so happy and that how we're gonna stay,
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
I'm hers, I'M HERS
she's mine, SHE'S MINE
I'm hers, she's mine,
wedding bells are gonna chime.

Wo-o-o-oh, I knew we were falling in love,
yes I did, and so I told her all the things
that I'd been dreamin' of.

Now we're togther nearly every single day
singin ' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
We're so happy and that how we're gonna stay
singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.
I'm hers, I'M HERS
she's mine, SHE'S MINE
I'm hers, she's mine,
wedding bells are gonna chime.

Singin' do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do,
do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do,
do-wah diddy-diddy down diddy-do.

You're welcome!

Friday, January 4, 2008

TV Junkie

Is it January 15th yet? American Idol comes back on that date and I can't wait because I'm such a TV addict. I'm going through a little bit of withdrawals right now though because for no apparent reason! my stupid DVR decided to flip out today and reset itself therefore wiping out everything we had on tape as well as our whole recording schedule. WTF!!?? I feel like I've lost part of my soul or something. Sad I know.

I've spent the last hour trying to remember what time and channel all the shows come on that we usually watch because I've gotten so spoiled to just hitting the menu button and them being there. It's kind of like having your cell phone wiped out and you need to call somebody but damned if you know their phone number because you're so use to just hitting their name or speed dial number to call them. I picked up a land line the other day to call my husband and, no lie, hit "4" and just stood there. I'm not going to admit to how long I stood there though. (Don't tell anybody that or I'll deny it.) Anyway, I never watch live TV anymore. I didn't even know Supernanny was back on until I saw that I had two of them in my DVR this morning. I didn't get to see either of them because of our little glitcharoo though. If I miss something else that I really wanted to see I'm calling Comcast and somebody's getting a cussin'.

It's hard to find something good to watch these days as it is because of the writer's strike and all. I'm not sure what those guys want but I say give them whateverthehell they want and give it to them like yesterday!! I need some good TV dammit!! I did see that there was just one, ONE, episode of Desperate Housewives left and that there were going to be a lot of loose ends. Give me an effing break! They leave enough loose ends as it is for the season finales I'm not sure I can handle loose ends indefinitely!

The best thing to come out of the writer's strike is that I get a little more of my reality TV that I'm freaking addicted to and that drives my husband crazy and I'm a little ashamed of. The Biggest Loser started New Year's Day all over again right after they wrapped the last group the other day. They never start another group that fast. I've only watched two seasons of that show but I'm going to be watching it again this time because it helps me get my fat ass downstairs to work out. (By the way, I haven't worked out yet this new year! Sad sad sad.) Another good show to come out of the strike, a fall season of Big Brother that's set to start in February! Woofreakinghoo! Only my most favorite show evah!!!

Switching gears here to something that has taken the place of my TV watching when I find a spare minute and that is (I'm blushing from embarrassment here) reading a couple of gossip websites (see Time Well Wasted over there <--------) about which celebrity is pregnant today or heading into rehab or flashing their crotch for all the world to see and they have been bombarded with nothing but Britney today, well more than usual today.

I was reading some of my favorite blawgs tonight and one of them really summed up what I too was thinking about the whole Britney situation. You can read it yourself here. I'm going to copy and paste his post within this one. Keep in mind that this is NOT my writing but I agree 100% with him. If you've never checked out the Blogs Better Than Mine list over there <------ you really should. They write some pretty good stuff.

Post below written by Dad Gone Mad on his blog.

I’m sitting here this morning wondering when our senses of compassion and respect deteriorated to this point.

When did we become so callous and heartless that we started to view a young mother struggling with a mental illness as entertainment?

When did we stop trying to empathize?

When did we find ourselves so miserable with our own existences that we started to distract ourselves by watching someone else fall apart live on TMZ?

I hear the feeble attempts at logic.

When she decided to become an entertainer, she gave up her right to privacy.

Oh, I see. So because she's makes her living in a spotlight, she can never leave it. Even when that light irrefutably reveals that she's unwell, that she needs help, that the decent and humane thing to do would be to turn the light off and leave her alone, we refuse.

And let's not stop at simply broadcasting her breakdown; let's taunt her on her way down. Let's call her "Unfitney" and repost pictures of her crotch and act as though we have been personally effected by someone else's breakdown.

If it bleeds, it leads.

Better her than me.

I’m sitting here this morning wondering if anyone else sees more than one tragedy here.

Britney obviously needs help and everyone, including myself, that keeps refreshing the pages of these sites are only feeding into her downfall. Sure she's chosen to live her life in the spotlight but the last time I checked she was just a simple girl with two boys and no real support system to help her out. I'm embarrassed to admit to reading every single article that comes out about the girl like it's the most important thing in the world but tonight I think I'll say a prayer for her. She really needs it, that or maybe just some good TV to keep her occupied.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Resolutions I'll Probably Never Keep

Happy New Year out there. Anybody out there as glad as I am that the holidays are FINALLY over? So much hustle and bustle leading up to the minutes in which the paper is ripped off the packages, the gifts tossed to the side, the food scarfed down, the new year rang in and now what?? The holiday break is awesome with the guys being home and I love the hell out of them but I'm counting the minutes in which the kids go back to school and the husband goes back to work and I can get a freaking minutes peace around here to be able to complete a thought without interruption!

Don't get me wrong, it's been a lot of fun hanging out with the guys and making different types of goodies and gorging ourselves on them but I'm kind of a routine girl and when the routine gets out of whack for this amount of time I start to get a little crazy (read: cranky).

So what better way to kick off the new year than with a few resolutions I'd like to keep but will probably fail miserably at since it's the same list I've had for a few years now.

So in no particular order here are my resolutions for Ott 8.

Number 1 - I resolve to try and not let more than two days pass without posting here on my blawg. I started this thing to be able to vent about things that are going on and to also share things that my jumbled up mind will forget in a matter of weeks if not days or hours. I'd like to document more of what we all do as a family and things that my guys say that crack me up and that I'd like to have a record of to use against them when they get a little older. (FYI: Being Super Mom will NOT be on this list since I blew that five minutes into the new year. Why set myself up for a sure fired failure? I'm not stupid!)

Number 2 - Since I've been bitching and moaning for at least a good year about wanting to lose some weight I'm really really planning on finishing what I started with this one. My heaviest weight after A2 was born was 160lbs. I managed to lose 10lbs of that by just general movement and by moving from one state to another. For a very long while I was at 150lbs and not happy with how I looked AT ALL. All last year I kept telling myself I was going to do something about it and hit my goal weight of 125-130lbs. I managed to get down to 140 with a whole lot of struggle. For the past couple of weeks I've staggered between 138 and 140lbs. I rang in the new year at 138.6 so that is where I am starting. I resolve to drop those last 13 pounds and finally be happy with what the scale says. Plus I still have that standing bet with my dad for that $25 iTunes card. (I haven't forgotten about that!)

Number 3 - I resolve to cut out sugary drinks such as my beloved Dr. Pepper. This one hurts! I've been drinking nothing but diet drinks for the past month or so and it's not the greatest thing in the world but I'm getting use to it. I must stick to it though in order to reach resolution Number 2. I'm not saying I won't indulge on occasion but no more than one every couple of weeks if not longer. (An insider tip for you if you like Rootbeer: Diet A&W Rootbeer is actually pretty darn good. You can't hardly tell at all it's diet. But Diet Mug Rootbeer sucks ass. I think I'd rather drink piss. Same with Diet RC. Jus' sayin'.)

Number 4 - I resolve to work out at least five times a week if not six. I know you're thinking this goes along with Number 2 and you're right to an extent. I need to work out to lose weight but I also need to work out to clear my mind and to make my body stronger. I could lose weight by dieting alone (probably) but I'm thinking that taking the time for myself to work out and get away for at least an hour and a half to two hours will drastically cut down my stress level and make me feel a lot better. I can definitely tell a difference when I'm working out on a regular basis. I have more energy and just feel better about myself in general whether or not the jeans I want to zip up actually do it. I not only want to so this to stick to Number 2 but I want to be stronger physically.

Number 5 - I resolve to spend more time with A1 doing the things he wants to do even if I have to force him! Over the past year he's gotten to where it's harder and harder to hang out with him because he's so into his own world now. He's either reading, watching TV or playing on his computer and while there's nothing wrong with any of that, I want to have more personal interaction with him this year before he goes off into high school and it's a total lost cause. We have always had a tight bond and I would die if we ever lost that. I remember how it was when I was his age and how I knew it all and everybody else was an idiot. I want him to know that I'm there for him and he can talk to me about anything, still. (Please don't let this mean I am going to have to play Risk with him over twice though! I.Hate.That.Stupid.Game. That alone could be the downfall of this one.)

Number 6 - I resolve to have A2 sleeping in his own bed on a regular two year olds sleeping schedule (No more going to bed at 1 a.m. and getting up at 11 a.m. except on school days when he gets up at 9) and to have him crapping in the toilet by the time he turns three in July. This one will be a toughie. I have ALWAYS been a night owl and so has he. He goes to preschool two days a week and I manage to get him up and there by 9:30 but it's not pretty some mornings. Hubby fusses at me all the time to make him go to bed at a decent hour and to get him up no later than 9 in the morning pretty much every single day. I just smile and nod (then roll my eyes when he turns around). As far as the crapping goes, he'll crap in the toilet for his daddy but for some reason he doesn't like it when I'm in there. Probably because I make faces and grunt at him with my face all scrumched up to "drop the lunks already!!". Come on, how long can I be expected to sit there on that cold tiled floor while he spins all the toilet paper off the roll into the floor? Kudos to his daddy for making him "doo doo" in the pot more than me. I'll work on it though. So far this year - Hubby 2 Me 0.

Number 7 - I resolve to work on my relationship with my husband. We have a good marriage but there are times in which you could say I take it all for granted. I mean come on, I'm a stay at home mom and my job is to take care of my husband and children. I have to admit I put about 89% of my focus on the children and the house and leave him out sometimes without meaning to do it. In all seriousness I need to work on this one. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't live the life that I do. I come and go as I please, meaning if Friend 1 or Friend 2 calls me up and wants to go shopping at any given time during the week I'm there. If I mention wanting something either for myself or the boys my husband will get it if not then, then after I've whined about it enough. He's always thinking about us and our needs and carries the weight of our financial needs all by himself. I guess I should have put this one at the top of the list but they aren't really in any sort of order.

Number 8 - I resolve to take the time necessary to rekindle relationships with family and friends that have slipped away over the years. It took the passing of my great-grandmother the week before Christmas for me to realize that I have so many members of my family that I no longer have any contact with for no reason other than sheer laziness. If I can't communicate with them via email or telephone what's to stop me from sending them a card in the mail just to say hello? Umm, nothing. This one will take effort because I'm such a lazy ass. Which leads me to....

Number 9 - I resolve to not be such a lazy ass. I won't elaborate on this one too much because I'll for sure be eating this one. Lazy is as lazy does. For one, I'd like to take more pictures of the places we go and of just things my guys do in general. I was doing really good there for a while, actually a little obsessive and then I just quit. I'd like to find that happy medium in which I take pictures of both A1 and A2 as well as pictures of me with them. Every since I've felt like the Goodyear Blimp I haven't taken hardly any pictures with either of them and that's stupid on my part. I want to change that this year and post them up for my friends and family to see but most importantly for them to have later in life. Who cares if I look a little fluffy in them? (Ok, I do. That's why the final 13 MUST COME OFF!!)

Number 10 - This one is crazy but I resolve to start watching Days of Our Lives every single day again this year. I've watched Days since I was about 11 or 12 years old with my cousin Banana. She was about two years older than me and wouldn't ever play with me or do anything until after that show went off so I had to sit there with her and be quit while she watched it. I managed to get hooked and I've watched it every since until this past year. I got so fed up with the stupid ass story lines and the jackass characters (did I say I wasn't going to swear as much? Shit, may as well scratch that one off the list if I did or make sure not to add it if I haven't already.) that I stopped watching it and would only read the weekly summary on my favorite Days site here on the Innernet. I've watched it for so long that the characters feel like members of my family and I miss them. (Maybe getting mental help should have proceeded this one but I'll save that one for next year's list.)

Number 11 - I resolve to not be so dependent on my iPod and to stop stealing downloading any as much music from Limewire. You know how if you wear a watch every day but forget it one day how you feel naked? Well I feel like that if I don't have my iPod. I may not listen to it all the time but I've got to have it within arms reach at all times. I have a new addiction now anyway, my husband got me a Wii for Christmas and it's the shiz right now!

Ok, I could go on but I'm not. I'll save the rest for next year or maybe even the year after that. I'm not in any real rush. Besides if I keep adding stuff to this list it'll only make me feel bad thinking about all the shit I need to change in my life. So lets just see how long I make it with the stuff I've got up right now.
Here's to the new year and to making a real effort and to snagging that $25 iTunes sooner rather than later from my daddy or I'll be breaking Number 11 in no time.

Recap of the weight as of today - 138.8!

What about you? Any resolutions you'd like to share? You can leave comments you know. I promise not to bite or make fun!