Thursday, January 31, 2008

On Cognitive Dissonance and Cat Puke

(Pardon me while I go off on a tangent here!) Want to know what's more fun than cleaning up vomit after a sick two year old all the while as he keeps digging little gems out of his crusty little nose and then holding them out on the tip of his chubby little thumb while screaming "MOM, BUGS" at the top of his phlegm filled lungs......give about stepping in the middle of a cold chunky stream of orange projectile cat chuck.

Let's see you top that one. Oh and it's an (unnecessary!!) Snow-Day here so both children are home fighting with each other and screaming and chasing each other like maniacs because this is SO out of their routine.

But back to the initial topic, I'm putting my cat on official notice. She has been freaking out like some crazed lunatic for the past week and it's driving me insane. Normally this is a pretty chilled out cat. She eats, sleeps, shits, looks for the occasional sunbeam to soak up in the front room and hides from the baby. That's it. She hates when we have people over and hides until her eyeballs are about to bulge out of her tiny skull from holding off going to the shitter for fear of being seen by anyone.

She isn't one of those cats that like to be picked up or really for you to touch her at all unless SHE initiates it or it's storming outside and then you can't shake her off of you. But for the last week or so ALL she wants to do is rub up against either me or hubby and walk as slow as she possibly can directly in front of me in back and forth motions. I swear if she makes me fall one more effing time she's getting the boot outside - or at least downstairs to the basement. Not only is she doing this but for some reason she has been walking around the house half hunched up with her tail fluffed out like she's ready to kick some major ass or she's scared shitless about something.

If I didn't know any better I'd swear she was hitting the chronic cuz sister girl is showing the signs! Also, I'd blame it on A2 but he hasn't been feeling up to torturing her much this past week or so because he's been so sick. Come to think of it maybe that's what's wrong with her. She's freaking out because she isn't use to someone not chasing after her or rubbing her in a backwards motion so that her hair stands completely on end.

If I hadn't had her fixed soon after we got her I'd almost think she was in heat or something. For the past couple of nights she has actually freaked out A1 because she takes off running and making this weird noise with no warning. I almost crapped my pants from laughing so hard at him last night though when she did it. She was walking around in her hunched up stance and about the time A1 stepped into the kitchen to come into the living room she took off in a mad dash in front of him to get somewhere other than where she was. It sounded like somebody was choking her with the throaty noise she was making and on top of that she was scrambling to get traction on the hardwood so her claws and feet were thumping the ground SO FREAKING LOUD for a small cat! It scared the shit out of A1 because it was a pretty loud commotion and he started jumping around, waving his hands and screaming like a little girl.

I would have paid top dollar to have a video of his reaction just to be able to show it to his future wife and children or just to be able to watch it over and over again for a good chuckle myself. Seriously, if she doesn't snap out of this phase soon I may have to check into getting some kitty Valium and then maybe something for her as well.

Moving on - I'm ashamed to admit that before I went to bed last night I weighed and it said 143.3. Can you believe that shit?! Oh wait, you can because I already admitted to my little Oreo mishap...and the cake. I haven't weighed yet today. Just not feeling it. I told myself all day yesterday that I was finally going to go downstairs and get back on the treadmill and dust off the Bowflex-o'doom but that never happened. I'm trying to talk myself into hauling myself down there today and making this be my fresh start but do you realize just how lazy I truly am?

I figure that if I do actually get started today since it's still January that it still counts as keeping my New Year's Resolution as long as I keep it up from now on!! We'll just have to over look all the junk I've shoved into my cake hole and that nasty cookie incident. In fact, let's never speak of it again. Sigmund Freud would be so proud of my rationalization skills, or rolling over because of them.

So it got the best of me. I couldn't hit the publish button without doing it so I went to weigh - 142.3 yeesh - how depressing after seeing 137 even if it was for a brief second. Meh, NOBODY but myself (and somehow Nabisco) to blame.

Note to self: Quit just bitching about it and take your lazy ass downstairs and run already. You'll feel better. Fin.


Heather said...

Ewwwww! Believe me I HAVE stepped in a cold splotch of orange cat puke. In the dark. Not only that, the damn thing has puked ON ME, in my freaking bed while I was asleep!! I shit you not. She's been puking a lot lately, too. Blargh.