Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Closer You Get....

So, during my time off I thought it might be fun to go back and do some reflecting on what I had written here over the past couple of years to see how much has changed in my life. There were a few posts that I thought were pretty funny, a few that I wonder what in the hell I was thinking when I wrote that, and a few that make me feel really good standing here right now as I write this entry.

If you've followed me at all or even know me then you'll know that I have struggled with my weight every since I had A2 (he was born in July of 2005). Just to be very clear, I've never been overweight and even after the baby I wasn't what some would classify as overweight but for my own personal preference I was carrying around more weight than I was happy to be lugging around on my size 5.5 feet.

After giving birth I weighed 160lbs. I stand 5'4 on a good day so that wasn't horrible considering. The problem with that number though is that one year went by and it hadn't changed. Two years went by and my ass is still large for me and the number has only come down by about 10lbs. The only reason I lost that 10 was because we moved and all that unpacking and keeping up with a tiny baby gave me a good work out. I didn't even realize I had lost it until I stepped on the scale one day.

When I started blogging I think I weighed in at around 150. I read a post the other day that literally made me tear up. I had been struggling and struggling and weighed myself and was so very excited that the scale read....148. I was happy. I weighed in at 148. I had tried on a pair of white jeans I'd bought that barely slid up my thighs but the fact that they came all the way up thrilled me. I didn't even care that they didn't button, they came up past the freakin' thighs!!

As time went on I kept blogging about how I wanted to weigh less yet it was such a struggle to stick to any sort of workout or to just get motivated to do much of anything. If it didn't involve the damn TV remote or plugging in my laptop before the battery died I wasn't that interested. Seriously.

I've never felt comfortable looking into a mirror at my body. I could point out a billion things that is wrong and never truly liked what I saw. My thighs rubbed, my boobs were two different sizes, my belly had extra grips on the side, I've got a freakishly long second toe on my right foot and the list goes on.

Well, somewhere between my very last post towards the end of last year and today I've come to terms with what I see when I stand in front of the mirror. I know I'm never going to have the "perfect" body and I'm never going to feel like I look better than anyone but I stand here today and I'm finally comfortable in my own skin.

I weighed in at 130.2 this morning and that means I am five pounds away from my goal weight that I set for myself a few years ago. A goal that I didn't think I was ever going to reach. I feel stronger than I have in years and I don't cringe when I look in the mirror.

I've started a new workout plan that really seems to be working for me. I bought myself a set of Zumba DVDs off of eBay and I set a goal of wanting to run a mile and a half in 12 minutes. I actually look forward to working out and feel like a slob or at least a sloth if I don't do at least a little something.

I have friends on Facebook that cheer me on and I cheer them on to get up and work out. Yes, I still have cellulite. If you know how to get rid of that shit I'll give you a direct number how to reach me but you know what...I'm willing to bet just about every single woman out there over the age of 20 does too so who gives a flying shit if I do!!

I'm never going to weigh the buck 10 that I did when I was in my twenties but that's ok, my boobs are bigger now then they were back then so I'll take the trade.

I guess my point to all of this is that I'm glad I wrote about how unhappy I was with my weight and how I kept trying to take it off and fit into my clothes because now I feel good and I have a better sense of accomplishment not only because I can now fit into that pair of white jeans and actually have to have a belt to keep them from falling off!

Go me! Tooting of my own horn over now. It's good to be back.


Jo said...

Wow - congratulations! Fantastic to you for sticking at it - isn't it great when the clothes start fitting? :-)

mumma boo said...

Congratulations! That's great! :)

DeeDee said...

Thanks guys! I never thought I would get this close. It has been so hard to lose just 10 pounds and keep it off over about a year that I don't see how some people are able to drop like 10-15 pounds in a week or two. You watch it'll take me forever to lose these last five! But I'm determined.

Heather said...

Good for you! I've missed you, and hoped you'd eventually come back. I'd love to say I only have 5 pounds to go. Maybe soon.

Loth said...

Great post. You couldn't come over here and be my personal trainer/cheerleader could you?