What does Victoria know anyway!!

Got up this morning, took a shower, got all primped up to spend the day with the zoo crew, picked out some rocking jeans I could fit into, a pair of comfy underoos and went to get a bra out and dammit dammit dammit.....the only one that fits me halfway decent was dirty! I have a colorful array of bras in my unmentionable drawer but there is this one that doesn't show any lumps or bumps, fits smoothly under a t-shirt, the straps don't cut into my shoulders or back, and most importantly doesn't ride up midway of the girls when I raise my arms. Since we were out of town just about the whole week for the holidays, I forgot that I wore it every single day and it was so dirty it was seriously standing by itself over in the corner of my bedroom!

What's a girl to do now? I could either put on one of the others that I would have to tug and jerk on all day, wear that stupid pink one that makes my girls spill out on the sides and plays peek a boo with the nips, or heaven forbid, one of the big ol nursing bras (yeah, I still have them two years later) that may as well be a damn straight jacket. Those things seriously wrap around my entire body from my chin to my lower rib cage. The only other option I could see was to brave one more day of the stinky dirty one.

So I stank all day, who cares! I could fit into a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in a long while and my hair looked cute. I broke the news to the hubby that it was that time again and he instinctively knew it was time to go bra shopping. He just didn't know how soon before he had to endure it. Needless to say that doesn't bring much joy to Muddville when he hears it. I use to love going bra shopping. That was back in the day when I bought the cute little matching sets and wore them no matter how much that rubbed and rode into places they so didn't belong.

Now I shop for comfort and movability. I mean come on, I have two boys and one of them keeps me bending, climbing, running, and stretching so much that I really don't have the time and patience to deal with my underwear and bras shifting on me every five seconds. The problem I have right now is finding a bra size that really fits.

There was a time when I could go in and just pick the cute little 34B right off the shelf. They came in lots of different colors and patterns and a lot of them even had pretty lace. I'm guessing at the time it was the most common size. For some strange reason I was a late late bloomer and had to start adjusting for that. I was cool with it because hey, we all secretly want big boobs right? I happily graduated to a 36C and me and Victoria turned into pretty good friends. Then it happened. I went in, bought the usual 36C, brought it home, put it on and something wasn't right.

There was no longer the full on comfy feeling. Had I just bought a bra that should have been in an outlet store? You know the irregular ones that still have the name brand tags but there is something slightly wrong. One boob fit perfectly, full on coverage, nice strap support but one boob had some spillage coming out from under my arm pit. What the hell is up with that? I adjusted the strap on that side and still spillage. I did the bend over, heft and drop maneuver and still freakin spillage on one side. Arrrrgh!!

It was no mistake, somehow unbeknownst to me, I became obviously asymmetrical boob girl. Where are the bras that accommodate for that Victoria?!!?? I see Hanes has come out with the half sizes that accommodate for the differences in circumferance like 36 and a half for the girls who are too big for a 36 and not quite a 38. Why not make a bra for cup differences? I mean if you really stop to think, who here, besides the ladies who had Dr. Rey help them out, have perfectly symmetrical boobs? Everyone has one boob slightly bigger than the other. (I'll wait while you feel or ask her if you're a guy) I'm just suggesting that someone come up with bras for that. Maybe one that has not only adjustable straps but cups as well. Don't get me wrong I'm not freakishly asymmetrical or anything like that but I'm guessing a 36C on one side and a 36C.5 on the other would suit me just fine.

But, since I don't see that happening anytime soon, I plan on spending my New Year's day at Victoria's Secret hoping to get lucky. That's where the one I had on all day came from. Hubby doesn't know it yet but he'll be there too. The icky bra I wore today is in the wash, I'm planning on wearing it and if I must I'm not above taking it off right there in the store to compare it to others so I can find one that I can get my hubby's money's worth from. Lord knows he's going to fuss enough when he has to buy it.

Hope you have a great New Year's Day. I'll keep you informed on how the Hooter Hut hunting goes! If any of you out there know where I can find a good bra let me know. (sorry you had to read this Daddy, I'll try to warn you next time!)

Five minutes til the ball drops and I get me some sugar from all the guys. ****squealing with delight****

So long, Farewell, Auf wiedersehn 2006

Well, the holidays are about to come to a close and a new year is upon us. Christmas was great this year. A1 was shocked as expected and his dad and I officially rock because he got what he wanted. A2 had fun handing out presents and playing with the new toys he got. I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't get a bunch of junk this year. He got some educational toys and movies, and an awesome tabletop train set. He also got some Spongebob DVDs. That's pretty cool. We love some Bob Bob around here! Also got some Backyardigans CD's to jam to in the car. Whoever came up with that little show is amazing. The family gatherings went rather well and all in all a good time was had by everyone.

Now comes the clean up. It looks like Wal-mart has exploded in various rooms of my house. The living room is covered with piles of gifts received, gift bags that I'm planning on recycling next year, and anything else that my zoo crew decides to just lay down in here for me to put away. I took down all the outside decorations yesterday so at least we don't look so ghetto from the road. I was planning on taking down the tree and other decorations on the inside today but here it is lunch time and it feels pretty darn good just sitting here on my rump doing a whole lot of nothing. I spent yesterday sorting through everyone's gifts looking for missing gift cards, iPod cords and the back end of a purple cow. We spend the holidays in another state and have to haul all the loot back home. It's not that bad but things get lost in transit and the only person in this household that can find anything is dear ol mom. Happy to say all was recovered except the cow tail. Gotta call Daddy about that one.

Oh well, I don't want to think about that right now, I'll think about it tomorrow. It's so hard to believe another year has come and gone. They sure seem to go by a lot quicker now that I'm in my 30's. What's the deal with that? I feel like I'm the only one aging around me. Somehow people I thought were a lot older than me before are only just a wee bit older. I have a cousin that I was convinced was at least five years older than me when we were growing up that told me just last week she was only 35. How in the hell did that happen? You mean she's actually just three years older. Where did my other two years go? My own dad seems to have stalled out in the aging process. For some reason it seems like he and I are getting a lot closer in age. I like to tell myself I'm just getting more mature minded in my older years, but who am I kidding!

I have a bit of exciting news on the weight loss front. I haven't worked out since the Friday before Christmas and just knew I would have put on a little tonage with all the holiday eats floating around. Surprisingly I am down to 148. Woo freaking hoo! I was going to work out last night but the hubby had A1's laptop computer in about a thousand pieces on the dining room table. I had money on whether or not it would all fit back together the way it came apart. All I have to say about that is I'm pretty sure we are the ones keeping Glad sandwich bags in business and not for storing sandwiches but instead all the extra parts and pieces that magically seem to appear around here. Too bad the hubby never pays up.

Well, so long 2006, you've been good to me. I'm pretty positive I'll look back on you fondly. To all you out there I wish you peace and prosperity for 2007. For myself, I wish to fit into those cute booty jeans sooner rather than later. I guess I have a date with the Bowflex tonight and every night for the next however long it takes. Wish me luck!

Current specs:
148 lbs
2 sizes away from my favorite jeans

Have a Happy What?

The person who came up with and approved the whole have a happy period campaign from Always maxi pads is obviously a friggin moron. Who in the hell ever heard of any female what was ecstatic she was having her period?? It's probably the single most hellish week out of the month yet this assbag is wanting us to relish in it and be happy. Seriously, do the makers of maxi pads really need to advertise their products let alone come up with some catchy ass slogan? This is one of those things that people are ALWAYS going to need and that is never going to change. It's like advertising frikking water or electricity. You can't live without certain things and feminine hygiene products fit that bill.

I can think of seven other emotional dwarfs that come along during period time and happy just isn't on the roster. First there's Bitchy - looking at me wrong sets me off and I can spit nails. Bloaty - I'm a big girl anyway struggling to get some weight off so when bloaty comes along this one just fuels bitchy's fire. Hungry - I get the munchies like a pot head and I've never even touched the stuff. My favorite thing to eat during this wonderful week is chocolate and cheese....together. Hershey's kisses wrapped in cheese rock!

Because I've gorged myself on stinking chocolate and cheese, that brings along my next little friend and that's Weepy. Weepy comes when it finally kicks in that I myself have been a major douche bag to my guys and I start to feel bad for it. Plus, who in the hell can lose weight scarfing down the junk I'm hauling in??? Arrrgh! Next up is dear Sleepy. Something about losing a quart of blood on a daily basis for about a week just wears me out and all I feel like doing is going to sleep. During my waking hours, especially when my husband is home and within earshot, Moany arrives. I love to moan to him how miserable I feel because of cramps and just the general yucky feeling associated with raggin' all week. Sometimes it pays off and I get out of cooking a couple of nights that week. Woo hoo!

Once the week is finally over that's when Horny shows up. I'll spare you the details on this one but you can use your imagination. Plus my dad reads this and he still believes A1 and A2 were conceived through immaculate conception. **wink** My girlfriends and I talk about our weeks and it's surprising how that last little character seems to always show up around the same time. Whatsupwiththat??

My point to all this being: Why would you try to patronize me by tellin me to Have a Happy Period? It just isn't happening. Not unless I knew without a doubt that it was the last one I was ever going to have and I no longer had to waddle around in your stinking product, then my dear high powered ad executive in your grey starched suit I might consider it. Til then nice try buddy.

Can you guess which one's in town right now??

Introspection

Today was a very enlightening day for me. I spent most of it in introspection. I guess it's because the holiday season is upon us and if you truly stop to think about what the season is about, all the little things you worry about and stress over seem trite.

I was at the mall today and since it's getting closer to Christmas people were out in droves. Most of them were happy and seemed to be enjoying their time shopping, as was I. But it was the ones that seemed so miserable and determined to bully their way through lines or over to merchandise are the ones that made me stop and think.

I haven't always had it as easy as I do right now. I have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, two healthy beautiful children, a husband who loves me through all my quirks and cellulite, family that cares me, and lastly great friends, old and new, that have made a difference in my life. For all of this I am blessed and thankful. Sometimes I forget about all of the above and take it for granted without meaning to.

To all you last minute, stressed out, miserable people flooding the malls: look around you, appreciate the meaning of the season, be thankful for what you have and next year don't wait til the last frikkin minute to do your shopping if it makes you that unhappy!!

Merry Christmas and may the New Year bring peace and joy into your life.

I'm bushed

I can't handle too many more nights like last night! My husband and I were up until about 3 in the morning doing it. Not that I'm really complaining or anything because it's been forever since we've done this and we won't be doing it again anytime soon that's for sure. I realize everyone has their own technique but my husband is very methodical and wants it to be perfect. Sadly he is easily distracted. I think it took forever because he just wasn't as focused as I was. We made the mistake of leaving the television on and unfortunately for me an Andy Griffith marathon was on. He got so distracted at times I had to just give up on him and do other things on the side to get me through. I had to remind him a couple of times that I was ready for this to be over with. Harsh I know. Otherwise I was about to get up and tell him to just finish it by himself. He definately didn't want to do that so he finally got in the groove. Once that man gets his rhythm on he's amazing. I'm happy to say we got all but three of our presents wrapped, tagged and bows stuck on them. He did all the wrapping, I did all the tagging and A2 helped with the bows.

What did you think I was talking about??

I didn't work out last night, too busy, but worked out Sunday night and Monday night. I went out to eat with a couple of my friends last night and got back around 9:30 or so. Enjoyed the much overdue girl time!!

Current specs:
149 lbs **woo-hoo** not much difference but I like it!!
2 sizes away from my favorite jeans

Paging Dr. Freud

You know, I went to college for two reasons the first was because it was something I always wanted to do and I wanted to set a good example for the kiddies. The second reason was because I think I was subconsciously hoping I could make sense of my screwed up life and some of the characters therein. By the way, in case you didn't know I majored in Psychology. Don't get me wrong I'm not some psycho chick and there are good people in my life, but the ones that are crazy more than make up for the ones that aren't.

Yesterday was the most exhausting day ever, and I could definately use a good spin on the couch with Freud. It started out a day unlike any other Sunday except for the manic depressive visitor that came a calling. I'll refer to her as Ms. Bakker. Now Ms. Bakker is a very eccentric (deviating from conventional or accepted usage or conduct especially in odd or whimsical ways) individual. Always has been and always will be. She's stuck in some kind of time warp and seriously needs to be on medication. Now this was no surprise visit, I knew she was coming but didn't put a whole lot of stock into it until I actually saw this person on my door step. Ever known someone that would tell you the sky was blue but you would rather look up to the sky yourself just to make sure?? Just asking. I had tried to prepare myself for this visit but now I know it was all in vain (marked by futility or ineffectualness).

I have a new house and this is the first time Ms. Bakker has ever, ever seen where I live....ever. In my personal line of thinking I would have thought either the first words out of this persons mouth when she got out of her car were either, "hey how are you, good to see you", or even "I like your house, it looks pretty". I couldn't have been more wrong. The first thing this dumbass had to say was, "That Bowflex isn't doing you much good". Are you fucking kidding me???? I wanted to choke the bitch right then and there. I showed remarkable restraint. I've gotten very good at that in my twenty-twelve years. Plus I've only had that stupid thing for about a week. What the hell was she expecting Nicole Richie??

I let that go and thought to myself that I could be the bigger (obviously in more ways than one...**bitch***) person and not let that remark spoil the visit. Besides it would all be over soon. She isn't one to show prolonged emotion or attention towards anything or anyone. We went inside the house and she wasn't interested that much in looking around she was just more interested in showing off the gifts she had brought for A1 and A2 and being praised for them. Give me a damn break!

They opened their gifts and A1 said his proper thank yous. He actually got a gift he wanted and a card. Nothing too extravagant but a nice thought. A2 couldn't care less about his and wasn't sure why this strange being was invading his space. He must have been reading my thoughts because he did what I wanted to do........he went to sleep. I struggled through mundane conversation about a wide array of bullshit. No, this person didn't really show much interest in what had been going on in my world so I didn't offer anything up. I just listened and did the polite nod on occasion. I tried to get a word in edgewise but couldn't quite get much out. Not that much goes on here, but hell if you only see someone once every blue fucking moon you'd think they would ask whatcha' been up to the last half of your life!!!!!!!!

Apparently Ms. Bakker picked up on my growing disdain (a feeling of contempt for someone or something regarded as unworthy or inferior) and finally decided it was time for her to leave. I at least got a "Merry Christmas" out of her but I asked myself as I watched the car pull out of my driveway, "self, what in the hol-lee hell were you thinking by welcoming this into your life?".

It took a good couple of hours for me to shake that visit and get it out of my system. Thank the good Lord above I've grown up and have the coping skills that I do!

After that was all over with, the crew and I decided to go grab a bite to eat. We had a good meal and the hubby needed to run into the hardware store to grab something. I sat outside and waited with the kids. While out there my phone rang and I thought better to answer it but did it anyway. ***shaking head in disbelief***

This was a family member of mine I'll refer to as Pita (pain in the ass). Pita calls from time to time to just bitch and groan about things and usually tells me the same story about a hundred times. Me, being the good person that I am or wacko, listen intently as though I've never heard it before in my life. I seriously think this person has no clue as to what planet they are living on sometimes. It's been a while since we have spoken so I guess they are making up for lost time. I listened to the beginning of a story (about 15 minutes without a pause for breath) that I knew I would not be able to stomach since I was so stressed from my earlier encounter. Don't tell anybody this but Pita got hung up on.....darn those cell phones and their crappy connections! ***wink, wink***

I ended the night with several Tums, my Psychology for Dummies handbook and an extra roll of TP. Wouldn't it be so cool and a lot less expensive if we could choose which gene pool we come out of?!

Toot, toot, beep, beep

Ok, Santa comes exactly one week from tonight and I'm getting excited! I get a little ho-hum after Thanksgiving but after my birthday passes and I realize it isn't the end of the world to scratch out another notch on my age board, I really get into the spirit. I love Christmas music so much and this year especially. A2 rocks! That child has rhythm way down deep in his soul. If you ever need a pick me up I suggest you watch a baby dance. With A2 it's more like spinning around in circles until he gets dizzy and falls but every now and then he shakes his little booty from side to side and claps. The best one yet though is the penguin walk/dance move I LOVE it!

I'm happy to say I'm done with my shopping except for one person. What do you buy for someone who has everything? I know it's more about the thought behind it but hey, who wants a cheesy gift they won't get any use out of and will just sit in the closet?? I still need to get stocking stuffers for the guys but, I am going to officially be the coolest mom ever once A1 opens his gift. All he has wanted for the past six months is an iPod video and I have him absolutely convinced he isn't getting one because they are too expensive. He's seriously going to crap his pants when he opens it. A2 is getting a cool train table and probably couldn't care less but he's gonna have a blast opening presents this year! ***squealing with delight at the thought***

A2 and I got out Friday afternoon and went to our most favorite place in the whole wide world.......Old Navy!! I needed to find A1 another pair of jeans and found something for myself too -- woo hoo. I was a little unsure as to whether or not I was going to be able to show my face in there again after what happened the last time I was there. About two or three weeks ago I managed to con A1 and my hubby into going there with me and A2 to grab a pair of pants for A2 to wear on Christmas morning.

Now for the four of us to go into Old Navy is a major feat. A1 hates to go there with a white hot passion. He moans and groans if we even get near the parking lot. If it doesn't have anything to do with a computer or Playstation he just isn't into it. Dear old hubby hates to go there because well, he just simply hates to turn loose of a dollar and knows if I go in money will be spent.

I knew what I wanted and just needed to find a size. Unbeknownst to dear hubby I had been there two days before and they didn't have what I needed so I knew it would be a short trip. Well, to my astonishment A1 was actually showing a little interest in some of the stuff they had, so I looked around with him and grabbed him some things. **yes, victory** But, the even more amazing thing that happened was that hubb himself was actually looking seriously at a few shirts to buy. Now he's a dark blue traditional Levi's kinda guy with a button down shirt. He's not one to venture out of the box when it comes to style. This man has shirts older than most high school seniors these days.

I was really hoping he would get something but at the same time ready to go home. We ate lunch at Taco Bell earlier in the day and my tummy was really starting to rumble. I know you've been there. You're out in public looking from side to side to see how crowded the area is around you because you know either under no control of your own or just to ease pressure, the inevitable fart is on it's way out. I was in the men's section and there didn't seem to be that many guys browsing so I thought it would be safe to do the old fart and walk away trick. Boy did that backfire, no pun intended, on me.

Hubb-a-dubb was two sections over with the kiddies, I was sure the coast was clear, so I let'er go. It was such a relief but man my own eyes were starting to burn. I had to get out of the area fast. Wouldn't you know, it was one of those that got trapped in every piece of clothing I had on. It was even in my hair I think. The kids must have finally sensed they were not right up under me so they immediately came over and so did hubb. Needless to say they are not the most subtle folk on the planet. I got the old, "mom, what did you do!" from A1 and the hubby acted as though I ran over his toe or something with a truck. Now, I didn't really care that they got a wiff, besides I suck up enough of their stink on any given day. I was quite happy that they had to endure at least some of that. The worst part was the group of people who out of the blue appeared and started looking around in the section I had just left. Where in the hell did they come from? I know I scanned the area and it looked pretty clear but there they were. I never made eye contact but knew they had to be gasping for air over there. There was no passing it off on the kids or anyone else. I was the only one around.

So to the innocent Old Navy shoppers looking for a bargain for either yourself or someone else, I apologize for blasting out probably one of the worst farts on record and your having to politely continue your shopping as though you didn't notice. New house rule, no more Taco Bell for lunch if shopping is part of the scheduled daily activities.

Quick sidenote: didn't work out Wednesday: worked out Thursday and Friday both, yay me! I even had hubb and A1 working out. Weigh-in coming up on Tuesday.

What happened to yesterday????

Man where did yesterday go? I got up with very good intentions of finishing up my Christmas shopping since this weekend is the last weekend before the big day. I was certain I would get out and finish up the little bit I needed to get done and not have to fight the crazy weekend crowd but NOOOO that just didn't happen. I spent pretty much my whole day cleaning my house and playing with the little tikes. You might think I have a dirty house since it took me all day but that's not the case. I have a little shadow that I lovingly call A2 and bless his bones he is so counterproductive. I pick up something off the floor, he throws two things back down on the floor. Plus with all the snack breaks, getting fresh pants, and Spongebob distractions it takes me a while. And then there are the long spans of time I have to spend looking for something dear A2 has wandered off with and I need.

For example, I managed to grab a quick shower in the morning before he woke up. Yay, that's a major deal for me. I didn't brush my hair because I figured I didn't want to press it. I just ran some gel through it and let it go. I'd get around to it later. I continued on with my day, I was cleaning the bathrooms and A2 is fascinated by the toilet right now. He's not interested in using it but he loves to splash around in it if he catches the lid up but his favorite is to flush it. There's nothing like a cold spray two or three times when you are in the middle of taking care of business. So because he likes to hang out around the john I clean it every day.

He was watching me on this particular day use the scrubby and swirl around the inside. I know he's seen me do it before but thank goodness he's never tried to do it himself. I got distracted and must have left the lid up after I was finished. Keep that in the back of your mind. I moved on to the bathtub and then decided to throw in a load of clothes. I noticed he wasn't right behind me at the time and figured he was Spongebobbin it. Well after about thirty minutes or so I thought I better try to run a brush through my hair before it hit the no-turning-back-fro status. Only, I couldn't find my brush anywhere. I thought maybe A1 had come in and borrowed it before he went to school. I checked his bathroom and didn't see it. I checked my husband's drawer and no luck. At that point I was pretty sure A2 had swiped it.

I, being the naive mother I am, started looking on the floor in my bedroom, the living room, playroom and even ***shudders here*** the cat box. Thank goodness it wasn't in there! It took me nearly 15 minutes of searching before I found it and where was it you ask..........the frikkin toilet!!! Talk about gross. It's not like it was just kinda floating around in there, it was jammed into the hole with the bristle end pointed down. Yuck, yuck, yuck. I know that baby thought he was just doing his part to help his mommy, besides I WAS swirling around a big ol brush in there earlier but give me a break! I had to reach in and grab it and wound up just tossing it in the trash can beside the toilet.

Yes, the toilet was clean and all but could you seriously rake a brush through your hair that had been jammed in the toilet. I don't think so. Needless to say I never got my hair brushed, I whipped it up in a ponytail and threw a hat on. Guess a trip to Wal-Mart is in my future, not only for some stocking stuffers but for a new hair brush as well.

It's little things like that that eat up my days. I was proud of myself last night though. I got a Bowflex as a "gift" last week. After two days of assembly it sits in my downstairs patiently waiting for the body it's going to transform in as little as 6 weeks, 20 minutes a day, three times a week. **I'm seriously rolling my eyes right here** I know you have seen the infomercial with the huge claim that I just made above. Well I'm here to put it to the test. I've wanted to drop a few..ok a lot, of pounds and have been unable to due to, well nothing more than a good case of lazitus. So on Monday I weighed in and didn't work out. On Tuesday I weighed in and did work out for the very first time and let me say this....20 minutes my ass!

It took me that long to figure out how to attach all the hooks and pulleys and when to take the seat off and when to put it back on. More like an hour and a half later I was finished with only one major pinch in my finger. Those clips hurt!! I didn't work out Wednesday other than running all over the house and a little dancing to some Christmas music with A2. My hubby didn't want me to over do it. So last night was work out night. I was a little bit better because I knew what to hook where and used a little bit more weight. It felt good. So that is what I meant by Bowflex vs Me. I'm going to keep track of my progress and hopefully in the coming weeks will start to see a difference. Keep your fingers crossed and have a Ho-Ho for me. I'll tell you next time about the incident in Old Navy. ***Blush***

Current specs:
150 lbs
2 sizes away from my favorite jeans

Damn you insomnia!!!

Ever had one of those nights where no matter what you do you just can not make yourself fall asleep? Well I had one last night and it sucked ass. Don't get me wrong I'm usually a night owl anyway. I'm at my most productive come late afternoon and on up into the wee hours. My little one (A2) is also a night owl. He was kicking up a storm in my belly from 11 p.m. until about 1 a.m. before he was born so I knew he was going to be trouble. He's not even a year and a half and he and I are usually rocking out come 12:30 or 1 a.m. But last night was different. He hadn't had a nap all day long and fell asleep for good at around 10:30. The mister and I wasn't sure what to do with ourselves so we decided to try something totally out there for a change so we jumped in the bed and actually tried to carry on an adult conversation with one another. I know kinda kinky huh!!
That lasted for about an hour and then I found myself talking to dead air. He drifted in and out and to his credit tried to play it off as though he was listening when he would twitch and wake himself up. I decided to give it up and just let him sleep. I was a little tired and thought it would be nice to get a couple extra hours of sleep for a change. Don't know what the hell I was thinking because that was the last thing that happened.

I started off on my belly. I'm a sleep face down with my toes hanging off the end of the bed gal. That wasn't working for me so I just kept trying to adjust. I was really trying hard not to wake up the mister but he kept waking up and asking me in his sleep induced stupor if I was ok or if he could do something for me. I said no and he threw his arm across me and instantly went back to sleep. Now you may think that was a sweet gesture but when you have someone's arm across your chest when you are struggling to go to sleep you must know it's not fun. I felt as though 200 pounds of dead weight was laying on top of me and started to freak out because I couldn't move. I finally wiggled my way out of that and just stared at the ceiling listening to all the creeks and rattles that live in my house. What's the deal with the supersonic hearing that kicks in when you can't sleep? I swear I could hear a gnat fart last night and every little thing I heard annoyed the hell out of me. On top of all this, my hubby has this clock that projects the time and temperature onto the ceiling in this bright neon blue fashion. Now, I'm actually the one who saw it and suggested he get it but last night as I watched the time tick away on what reminded me of the Kenny Roger's Roasters sign from Seinfeld I wanted to sling it out the door along with his snoring ass.

3:30 was the last time I can recall seeing flash upon the ceiling so I'm pretty sure that's when I finally fell asleep. I was thankful for those couple of hours sleep because at about 6:30 A1 was in the kitchen looking for a bowl for some fish water and it sounded as though he was remodeling the whole place. I let the first crash slip and didn't say anything but after the second I had to drag myself in there to see just what was going on. I could have strangled him at that point but resisted the urge. I do that alot.

Even though I had a crappy night I have managed to have a very pleasant day. My little guy, A2, didn't wake up until about 10 this morning and when he did I looked over into his bed and he puckered up for a kiss. Ahhh, all my stress washed away at that moment. So here I am still trying to figure out this blogging thing. I think I may have accidentally figured out how to add a song. If by chance you can hear it, it's the Beatles, A Day in the Life. If you can't hear it then I screwed up and need help.

Ta Ta For Now -

Things to look forward to in the coming days:
Bowflex vs Me
I farted in Old Navy
Pottytrainitus
whatryoodoinMOM

Time Well Wasted

You know, there are so many other things I could be doing with my time but for some reason I felt that this would do me some good. If your looking for some high flying adventure tales to read about or looking to stalk someone new then I'm here to tell you that you may as well move on to someone else's blog. The most your going to get from me is some rants, raves and random ramblings about what's going on in my world.

I've got two children who I will dub A1 and A2. A1 is the oldest and is way too mature for words. I swear that child has an old soul but I love it. A1 helps me out a lot with A2. A2 is very rowdy and such a comedian. This child is all about some mischief and the sad thing for me is that A2 is not even a year and a half old yet. I forsee a head full of premature grey or is it gray hair coming my way! What's with that anyway? Is there a difference between grey and gray? Anywho.
I'm blogging to feel as though I have some connection to the outside world that doesn't involve Jellyfishing with Spongebob and Patrick or singing about a soccer monster with the Backyardigans. I choose to stay at home with A2 and wouldn't change that for the world but some days I would give my left pinky toe for some adult conversation.
Do I not have a husband you ask...I do. He just spends about 80 percent of his time at work and then when he does make it home he's all about the kids and the Sci-fi channel. So that leaves me with this wonderful blog that my dear internet addicted cousin helped me set up.

I'm so excited about starting my blog...to be honest a little too excited. As she would say I probably should get outside more because this is borderline scary but if your interested I'm gonna try to update as much as possible. For me this is going to end up being time very well wasted!

Vacation From Vacation

Because I love my husband I moved this from the original post date of June 16, 2007. I didn't want to totally delete it so I tucked it away here so it wouldn't be forgotten.

Why is it that once you come back from vacation you always feel like you need another vacation from vacation? I could use about two weeks to myself to recover from this vacation.

We didn't make it home until around 3 or so in the afternoon on Friday and once I got inside my house it felt SOOO good to be there. I didn't even care that it was a total mess and smelled like the cat had thrown a major crapfest the entire week.

Thankfully everything was still there and the animals had all survived the week being alone. The garden had actually sprouted some vegetables but everything was in desperate need of water.

Too bad I didn't stick around to do any of that. That's right, I got home, stayed there for less than an hour and then cut a trail back home to my daddy's house (2+ hours away). Why would I do that after spending umpteen hours on the road the day before? Because my husband is a big fat liar.

I'm so mad at him right now I could spit nails.....AT.HIS.EYEBALLS.

I'm not going to go into specifics because like everything else - this too will pass but the gist of it all is that I called him out on something over three years ago and he swore up and down that I didn't know what I was talking about and that he never created "that bogus email address".

Funny how things always have a way of being found out. I had just settled into my own ass indenture of the couch to play on the computer for a little while on Friday and what did I find? An email that was inadvertently sent to ME from "that bogus email address". The email itself wasn't the real issue. I knew who he had sent it to and that didn't matter so much. It was the fact that he actually thought I was a fucking idiot and didn't know that the email address existed just because he said so.

I was proud of myself though. I read the email and then reread it to make sure it wasn't too much sand or salt water in my brain and sure enough, it was a major screw up on his part. I turned the computer around and showed it to him. He instantly got that "oh shit" look on his face. You know the one. He then had the nuts to try to delete it but I told him that unless he wanted me to go ape shit on him he would let go of the computer right then.

He did.

I shut it down and jumped in the shower. Normally I would have screamed and acted like a major ass but for some reason I remained calm and never raised my voice. I wanted a shower and to just get ready. I transferred my clothes from the big suitcase to a smaller one and loaded it back into my car. I got A2's suitcase out and loaded it up as well. I asked A1 if he wanted to go back to Nana and Granddaddy's (N and G's) and he said........."No, I'll just stay here". Oh my goodness, THAT hurt me worse than the friggin email. He has NEVER passed up an opportunity to come down especially with just me.

I didn't let either one of them know I was hurt and just loaded up in the car. I drove away and got about 2 minutes down the road when I called my mom to ask if I could come back. Naturally she said yes and as my Dad asked me if everything was OK, I lost it. I didn't want to cry on the phone to them so I lied and said yes and that A2 and I would be there around 7.

It wasn't until after I got on the Interstate that I lost it. How could I have been so naive? I thought all of that bullshit was behind us. I THOUGHT that the last few years had been different from the first 11 or so years of pure hell and lies. He claims everything HAS been different he just made this "one little mistake". LITTLE??!! (%^&*%&*) What the hell ever!

I knew the minute he created that account and called him on it. I may not be one of the Best Buy Geek Squad members but I do know how to navigate a frigging computer. I know that if there is a damn link to an email address open, then the email address exists. He told me that he "tried" to create it but it never went through. I let it go and just sat on it for about three years now.

Gonna have to call BULLSHIT on him now though. He has denied (read: lied) it for all this time. I tell you, once he gets a lie in his head he sticks to it!! There's been other proof but none this hardcore (an actual sent email from the account).

Oh well, enough about that. It's water under the bridge. Like I said, it'll pass. I will never fully trust him again. Been there and back about a thousand times......not.going.back. Will we break up over it? No. Will we act like nothing has happened about a month from now? Probably. Will I be a total bitch to him for at least two weeks because of it? You better believe it.

He's just lucky I didn't go out and get my usual retail therapy. I'll have to say I've shown some major restraint over all of this. Guess that's what comes with getting older.

I just can't believe A1 stayed home and that after talking to him on the phone a couple of times since I've been down here, it breaks my heart that my baby has a man voice now. Why can't they stay little forever dang it??!!

By the way, Happy Father's Day tomorrow Daddy. You Rock!!

Too lazy to edit today. Plus (older) sister dear came in from the other side of the state and I'm bout to go pounce on her and make her get up out of bed at 7:15 on a Saturday night. Pansy can't handle just two margaritas!!