Sunday, December 24, 2006

Have a Happy What?

The person who came up with and approved the whole have a happy period campaign from Always maxi pads is obviously a friggin moron. Who in the hell ever heard of any female what was ecstatic she was having her period?? It's probably the single most hellish week out of the month yet this assbag is wanting us to relish in it and be happy. Seriously, do the makers of maxi pads really need to advertise their products let alone come up with some catchy ass slogan? This is one of those things that people are ALWAYS going to need and that is never going to change. It's like advertising frikking water or electricity. You can't live without certain things and feminine hygiene products fit that bill.

I can think of seven other emotional dwarfs that come along during period time and happy just isn't on the roster. First there's Bitchy - looking at me wrong sets me off and I can spit nails. Bloaty - I'm a big girl anyway struggling to get some weight off so when bloaty comes along this one just fuels bitchy's fire. Hungry - I get the munchies like a pot head and I've never even touched the stuff. My favorite thing to eat during this wonderful week is chocolate and cheese....together. Hershey's kisses wrapped in cheese rock!

Because I've gorged myself on stinking chocolate and cheese, that brings along my next little friend and that's Weepy. Weepy comes when it finally kicks in that I myself have been a major douche bag to my guys and I start to feel bad for it. Plus, who in the hell can lose weight scarfing down the junk I'm hauling in??? Arrrgh! Next up is dear Sleepy. Something about losing a quart of blood on a daily basis for about a week just wears me out and all I feel like doing is going to sleep. During my waking hours, especially when my husband is home and within earshot, Moany arrives. I love to moan to him how miserable I feel because of cramps and just the general yucky feeling associated with raggin' all week. Sometimes it pays off and I get out of cooking a couple of nights that week. Woo hoo!

Once the week is finally over that's when Horny shows up. I'll spare you the details on this one but you can use your imagination. Plus my dad reads this and he still believes A1 and A2 were conceived through immaculate conception. **wink** My girlfriends and I talk about our weeks and it's surprising how that last little character seems to always show up around the same time. Whatsupwiththat??

My point to all this being: Why would you try to patronize me by tellin me to Have a Happy Period? It just isn't happening. Not unless I knew without a doubt that it was the last one I was ever going to have and I no longer had to waddle around in your stinking product, then my dear high powered ad executive in your grey starched suit I might consider it. Til then nice try buddy.

Can you guess which one's in town right now??


Mrs False Positive said...

Merry Christmas Rambleina and Family!