Sunday, December 31, 2006

What does Victoria know anyway!!

Got up this morning, took a shower, got all primped up to spend the day with the zoo crew, picked out some rocking jeans I could fit into, a pair of comfy underoos and went to get a bra out and dammit dammit dammit.....the only one that fits me halfway decent was dirty! I have a colorful array of bras in my unmentionable drawer but there is this one that doesn't show any lumps or bumps, fits smoothly under a t-shirt, the straps don't cut into my shoulders or back, and most importantly doesn't ride up midway of the girls when I raise my arms. Since we were out of town just about the whole week for the holidays, I forgot that I wore it every single day and it was so dirty it was seriously standing by itself over in the corner of my bedroom!

What's a girl to do now? I could either put on one of the others that I would have to tug and jerk on all day, wear that stupid pink one that makes my girls spill out on the sides and plays peek a boo with the nips, or heaven forbid, one of the big ol nursing bras (yeah, I still have them two years later) that may as well be a damn straight jacket. Those things seriously wrap around my entire body from my chin to my lower rib cage. The only other option I could see was to brave one more day of the stinky dirty one.

So I stank all day, who cares! I could fit into a pair of jeans I hadn't worn in a long while and my hair looked cute. I broke the news to the hubby that it was that time again and he instinctively knew it was time to go bra shopping. He just didn't know how soon before he had to endure it. Needless to say that doesn't bring much joy to Muddville when he hears it. I use to love going bra shopping. That was back in the day when I bought the cute little matching sets and wore them no matter how much that rubbed and rode into places they so didn't belong.

Now I shop for comfort and movability. I mean come on, I have two boys and one of them keeps me bending, climbing, running, and stretching so much that I really don't have the time and patience to deal with my underwear and bras shifting on me every five seconds. The problem I have right now is finding a bra size that really fits.

There was a time when I could go in and just pick the cute little 34B right off the shelf. They came in lots of different colors and patterns and a lot of them even had pretty lace. I'm guessing at the time it was the most common size. For some strange reason I was a late late bloomer and had to start adjusting for that. I was cool with it because hey, we all secretly want big boobs right? I happily graduated to a 36C and me and Victoria turned into pretty good friends. Then it happened. I went in, bought the usual 36C, brought it home, put it on and something wasn't right.

There was no longer the full on comfy feeling. Had I just bought a bra that should have been in an outlet store? You know the irregular ones that still have the name brand tags but there is something slightly wrong. One boob fit perfectly, full on coverage, nice strap support but one boob had some spillage coming out from under my arm pit. What the hell is up with that? I adjusted the strap on that side and still spillage. I did the bend over, heft and drop maneuver and still freakin spillage on one side. Arrrrgh!!

It was no mistake, somehow unbeknownst to me, I became obviously asymmetrical boob girl. Where are the bras that accommodate for that Victoria?!!?? I see Hanes has come out with the half sizes that accommodate for the differences in circumferance like 36 and a half for the girls who are too big for a 36 and not quite a 38. Why not make a bra for cup differences? I mean if you really stop to think, who here, besides the ladies who had Dr. Rey help them out, have perfectly symmetrical boobs? Everyone has one boob slightly bigger than the other. (I'll wait while you feel or ask her if you're a guy) I'm just suggesting that someone come up with bras for that. Maybe one that has not only adjustable straps but cups as well. Don't get me wrong I'm not freakishly asymmetrical or anything like that but I'm guessing a 36C on one side and a 36C.5 on the other would suit me just fine.

But, since I don't see that happening anytime soon, I plan on spending my New Year's day at Victoria's Secret hoping to get lucky. That's where the one I had on all day came from. Hubby doesn't know it yet but he'll be there too. The icky bra I wore today is in the wash, I'm planning on wearing it and if I must I'm not above taking it off right there in the store to compare it to others so I can find one that I can get my hubby's money's worth from. Lord knows he's going to fuss enough when he has to buy it.

Hope you have a great New Year's Day. I'll keep you informed on how the Hooter Hut hunting goes! If any of you out there know where I can find a good bra let me know. (sorry you had to read this Daddy, I'll try to warn you next time!)

Five minutes til the ball drops and I get me some sugar from all the guys. ****squealing with delight****