Tuesday, January 2, 2007

Is there a cure for this?

It's official, I have it and there is nothing I can do about it. I've felt it coming on for the last few weeks and my exceptional skills in denial have allowed me to keep it just below the surface until now. I kept telling myself that it was too soon
and that there is no way this could be happening to me but no folks, I have it and it's called pottytrainitus! I'm sure if the people who wrote the DSM IV got wind of my symptoms they would be adding this into their handy dandy manual of mental disorders. This has got to be the single worst experience known to motherhood. Had I pondered too long on the thought of going through this again, I might not have agreed to a second go'round at motherhood when hub-a-dub said he wanted to start trying.

I somehow managed to survive my first bout with A1 back about nine or so years ago. He was a fairly easy child to potty train. It was hot outside and he was more than eager to wet down some trees, the car tires and pretty much anything else around. That child didn't have a shred of modesty and I was utterly embarrassed on more than one occasion! It was a fun little game for him. I can also still picture the pee soaked shoes and endless loads of laundry though and that makes me shudder to think I'm about to go through it all again. The sad thing about all this is that it seems to me that little boys really don't care that they are drenched all over or that they stink to high heaven in their poopy britches. Hey, just give them a few Hotwheels and they are oblivious to their surroundings or stench.

A2 seems to be a little advanced for his age. I was really hoping to wait until he was at least two and a half or even three before this would be an endeavor I had to embark upon. But I guess he's going to be one that potty trains earlier than usual. Yay for me! **note the sarcasm there** Here are just a few of the obvious signs I've picked up on that let me know he's at least ready to be introduced to the idea. I'm kinda hoping I'm off on this but you tell me.

A) If I really watch him while he's playing and bumbling around he will grab the front of his diaper and squeeze. Now I realize he's indeed a boy and that there is a natural fascination to play around in that general area, but if I check him he's usually wet after he does that. This tells me that he is aware that something is going on in there.

B) This child thinks it is hil-freakin-larious to fart on command. He will let out a whopper, turn to see who heard and laugh so hard at himself. We usually are laughing so hard too at this point and that makes him want to do it again. He will then bend slightly at the knees, poke his little butt out, and strain until he gets at least a couple more out. Afterwards he will either wave his arm in front of his nose and say "shew" or pull his shirt up like we do to cover his nose. This tells me that he can somewhat control his bodily functions and understand what happens when he does certain, strain hard = fart loudly.

C) After he drops a load in his pants he will, on most occasions if no one is around to bear witness to the grunts and increased redness around the eyes, come up to me and wave his arms in front of his nose to let me know he is "shew shew". This tells me he doesn't want that mess on him and knows it's time for fresh pants.

D) He knows exactly where to go when I say that I need to go potty. He will either beat me to the toilet or be right on my heals as I'm headed that way. I can't remember the last time I've gone to the bathroom alone. Usually when I go in there is when the problems of the world need to be solved and a thousand questions are asked of me from the other side. Or if heaven forbid I'm gone for more than a couple minutes the freaking search and rescue team is out looking for me. I either have the husband or A1 opening to door to ask what I'm doing. (I'm baking cookies in here what the hell else could I be doing....seriously give me a moment here!!) But I digress. As for A2, he's stood over me on hundreds of occasions now and loves to get the tissue for me and to flush. Now I really thought it was cute that he was trying to flush the first couple dozen times he did it. He would wedge himself between me and the wall to get to the flusher. He couldn't really do it that great in the beginning and needed my help. But now that he can do it all by himself I have the pleasure of a cold spray of water on my ass at least three to four times before I can get finished with what I'm doing. There are even times when he waves that stubby little arm of his while I'm in there to inform me that I am "shew". Thanks buddy, I really need that!!

So there it is, just a few observations I've made over the past few weeks. I'm not saying he's ready for the Spongebob underoos just yet but it is pretty safe to say that I'm about to enter into the not so fun part of being a mommy. I feel the chills running up and down my spine. I have this nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach and the only true thing I can attribute it to is indeed pottytrainitus. Is there a shot or a pill I can take for this?


Mrs False Positive said...

ROFLMAO! My stomach is hurting now! ROLFMAO!

Can't type for laughing but hahahahahha!

Rambleina said...

Glad you enjoyed my little rant! I'm planning on taking this very lightly and letting him go at his pace...don't want to turn into the potty nazi!