Saturday, January 6, 2007

Nevaah Again!

Ok, so I was sitting around last night with the crew and we were enjoying a quiet Friday night at home. Oh, who am I kidding? We were doing our usual nothing but holding down the couches and channel surfing. The kids were pulling off some new WWF smackdown moves on each other and that's pretty much it.

It was getting pretty late, around 11:30 or so, and hubbs got up off the couch. I just assumed he was going to go get ready for bed so I grabbed the remote. Finally, I can watch Days of our Lives!! But he didn't go in the direction of the bedroom. He went to the playroom. That's were every toy known to mankind is housed along with the video games we have amassed. The boys are nosey as the day is long so they followed him to see what was up. Much to my surprise and delight the gaming began.

I said delight because usually I have to be the one up late at night to tuck everyone in and be quiet so hubbs can go to sleep. But tonight was going to be different. Woo hoo for me. I seized the opportunity to turn the TV off. Days can wait, plus I already knew what was going to happen. I was going to go into the bathroom for a little me time! I turned the radio on in there, turned the hot water on full blast and took the most amazing shower ever. That may seem a little mundane to some of you but to me it's the greatest thing ever. I didn't have little eyes mashed up against the shower door watching me or trying to slide it open to freeze me to death. There wasn't going to be any midshampoo phone calls and I could do it for as long as I wanted without the husband coming in asking me if he needs to pump in more water from the Atlantic. He can be a real smartass.

While I was in there I was considering shaving my legs and general landscaping but remembered digging around in my cabinet the other day and seeing some Sally Hansen Cold Wax kit in there. I've carried this thing around for at least three years now but haven't had the gumption to try it out. So I thought what the heck I'll give it a shot. Plus I remember reading on the box that you need to have some growth on your legs for a waxing to really be effective. Since I had enough growth to make Chewbacca jealous, it was now or never. I finished up what I needed to do and dried off. I got the kit out, read the directions and positioned myself upon the sink to give it a whirl. Damn, for some reason the spatula you needed to spread the crap on was missing. I got down and went to look for a popsicle stick. I figured that was easy enough to find and would work. Wrong. There wasn't one to be bought around here.

I looked around and couldn't find anything so I decided the best I could do was use a paint stirrer like they give you at Lowes. For some reason there were two of them in the kitchen drawer. Yeah, hubbs would probably bitch about me using it later but it keeps him young! I repositioned myself, spread a little bit on, pressed the strip on top and yanked. Well, it really wasn't that bad. But to be fair, I only tried a very small spot. I'm talking quarter size here. The stuff said it was to be used cold but I warmed it up a little for my next try. This time it spread a little easier and I did a spot about the size of a full strip they give you. It took me a couple of seconds to build up the nerve but after I did I just gave it a yank.

Muuuuthaaaa Fuuu.....that hurt like no other hurt I have ever experienced in my life! What in the hell was I thinking? There was an intense burning coming from that strip of leg, my eyes were watering and the real kick in the head was that when I looked at the strip, I was not only expecting to see all the hair from my leg on it but a few hunks of meat as well. There were only about a dozen or so hairs on it. I shit you not. All that pain, all that wax and for what? A few hairs here and there. I was expecting to see bare bone when I looked at my leg. Who in their right mind would do this to themselves? Needless to say that ended my waxing experience. I scooped up all the strips, the spatula that I found after I smeared that crap on with my paint stick, and the wax and threw it all back in the box.

Never again will I put myself through that. And to think there are folks out there who get this done on a regular basis. I shudder to think about the girls who get their bikini areas waxed. They have got to be sick. Sally Hansen I wish you had your product shoved up your arse sideways! Give me a Bic and a bar of soap any old day or better yet I don't have a problem with looking like a yeti.