There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Howdy out there. Once again, I've let an insane amount of time go by in between posts. I'm guessing that if I were getting paid to do this I'd either a) be broke[r] by now or b) fired sometime about a month or so ago for not keeping up.

Thank goodness it's raining today so I can catch up on some of my laziness. Unfortunately A2 decided 6 am would be a super fun time to wake up today. I'm talking about a child that has never seen anything earlier than 8:30 am for most of his almost two years. There's nothing on television except Dora and it's waaaaay to early in the morning for that shit so we're giving Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends a whirl. It's not half bad. I've seen worse (Wonder Pets, Wow Wow Wubbzy). I'm sitting here waiting him out to see how long he can go before he has to have a nap. He didn't go to sleep until about 12:30 last night, woke up at about 4:30 crying so I went and got him and put him in bed with us and you know the rest.

We've gotten into a veeeerrry bad habit of letting him co-sleep with us for the past three or four weeks. It all started when he had a stuffy nose. I let him sleep with us because he was having a hard time breathing and my husband would have gotten out of bed at least a grazillion times to go in his room to stick his finger under the baby's nose to see if he was still breathing had I not just let him sleep with us. After that I got sick and didn't want to schlep in there in the middle of the night on the off chance he woke up and started screaming bloody murder so he continued to sleep with us and has every since then except for about three times.

I've been wanting to convert his crib into the toddler bed stage for a while now but I'm not sure he's ready for it. He has one of those lifetime cribs that changes from crib to toddler bed to full size bed. It's pretty awesome. Bad thing is, he's a very floppy sleeper and I'm sure he'd end up in the floor 6 out of 7 nights if we change it now. I think I'm willing to take that chance. Every since we lowered the mattress in it to the very last position it is a bitch to chance his sheets. I'm sure it wouldn't be so hard if I weren't such a fat ass but I tell you it's hard on a big girl to bend over that damn rail (that does not lower) to stretch a mattress pad and sheet over a mattress that I'm convinced is about two inches too big for those freaking sheets.

It's a serious health hazard every week (or sooner if he whizzes the bed) for me to change his bed clothes. Not only am I struggling to breathe because the rail is crushing my gut into my backbone, I'm tugging on those sheets so hard that I've had them slip out of my hands on more than one occasion and have popped myself in the face with some pretty strong force. I'm thinking that for that fact alone I could live with scooping him up out of the floor a few times a week. Am I a bad mom for that?

I'll tell you what I am a bad mom for.......wishing school would hurry up and start back already! A1 is at that age (a month or so away from 13) where he is bored to tears and a complete smart ass most of the time. I really don't know what to do about him right now. I try to entertain him but there is only so many board games I can take, especially since he has about a billion in his closet but he ONLY wants to play LIFE. I'm tempted to hide the spinner and let the baby take the fall for it. (Man I'm horrible) I encourage him to call some of his friends to see what they are doing to see if he could either go over to their house or come over here and hang out and he just won't do it.

I try to get him to go outside and play with A2 but that just ain't happening because I might fart and he won't know about it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the fact that he still wants to hang out with me but come on, I get ABSOLUTELY NO privacy as it is and it wouldn't kill him to go outside or to his room and play or read or do something on his own. I was an only child and had to do it and it didn't kill me. Playing games with him isn't the bad part, I'm still a kid at heart who loves to play games, and it beats housework, but it's the snarky remarks he makes or the nasty looks he gives when I either 1) tell him I can't play right now but might later or 2) remind him to do the ONE (1, uno) chore that he has on a daily basis.

He even gets snarky if I try to get him to go just two houses down to see if the kid who lives down there might want to hang out and play video games or something. He's an only child too, about 15 or so, and he is always out riding his bike or skateboarding but A1 just won't budge. That kid and A1 could play X-Box Live with each other without even leaving their rooms if they could just coordinate when they were both going to be online. Ok, enough of that. Maybe things will even out as the summer goes forth.

Oh yeah, that "date" he was suppose to go on with those three girls was a wash. Somehow plans got screwed up and they never went. He did find out that one of the "preppy, hot" chicks from school liked him though and he was pretty excited about that.

This past weekend we built a sandbox for the boys to play in. We went to Toys R Us the weekend before looking for swing sets and while we were there I was looking at the turtle and crab sandboxs they had. The crab was too cute and I really really wanted the hubby to get it but he didn't think it was a good deal (i.e. too cheap to buy it) and said he would make one. I was skeptical at first because I envisioned some redneck mess out in my backyard and told him to just forget about it. Didn't happen. He was determined to build one so we talked about it for a few days to see if we were on the same page about what it would look like.

I'm pretty darn excited to say that we made an awesome sandbox. He made it out of 2x8x8 boards that he nailed, bracketed and screwed together so that the weight of the sand and kids wouldn't cause it to fall apart. I told him I wanted to paint it so we got blue, red, orange, and green spray paint and painted each side a different color. A1, A2, and I went yesterday to get stencils and we are going to stencil the ABC's all around it in yellow along with some bugs and worms that we got in a stencil too.

We have green panels that we were thinking about using for a top to keep the neighborhood cats from crapping in it but haven't decided 100% on that yet. I think Hubby dear is wanting to cheap out on me and take the panels back and just use a tarp. I haven't decided what I'm going to let him do yet but I must say the boys love their new sandbox. A1 has been digging trenches and he even buried himself in it the first day. A2 loves to play in the sand but only from the outside of the box right now. It will take him a while to warm up to getting completely inside the box. He was the same way with walking in the grass barefooted. He acted like it was hot lava for the longest time but now he doesn't think twice about it and we all run around here with no shoes on about 90% of the time.

What else is there? Hubby's brother came up this weekend to hang out for Memorial Day. It was pretty fun. The guys all played video games and played in the pool. It was still a little too cold for me to get in so I just watched and was the designated picker upper of toys they knocked out of the pool by acting like crazed monkeys. We set the badminton net up and played that a little bit too. Vacation was brought up and it was pretty apparent that she was gung ho about going but he avoided the conversation at all cost. I'm pretty sure we are going because he already promised his son (that he only gets to see on rare occasions these days) and because she is already looking forward to it and he's not completely heartless but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the whole time we are gone he will be wishing he was home with somebody else. Woo hoo - big fun ahead! Note to self: Self, NEVER agree to go on vacation with indecisive family again!! Thank you.

Here's the part where I tell you how big of a looohooosser I am. Last week I was sick right.... I had a pretty legitimate excuse for not working out since I could barely hold my head up much less anything else. Well this week I said frigg it and here it is Thursday(!!!!!) and I still haven't hit a lick downstairs. We're talking about going on vacation and I'm just going to have to be the chubby chick on the beach who is owning her fat thighs and belly rolls. Hubby went to the athletic club on Tuesday because he jumped on the scale Monday night and started freaking out.

I'm just burnt out on doing the same routine on my Blowflex and that treadmill is great to run on but I'm a little bored with it too. I did sit down and try to pick a new workout routine for the Blowflex but that lasted about as long as a fart in a windstorm. I swear I really need to find some sort of motivation. It's not like I am looking to lose a massive amount of weight just enough to feel better about looking in the mirror. Right now I avoid that at all cost.

I do get out and do things. I go for walks with the boys almost every day pulling A2 in his wagon. We play out in the yard doing different stuff, I go shopping which requires walking and, if I'm lucky, some lifting of bags, I check the garden and the trees and flowers we have been planting around here, I walk downstairs to feed the fish everyday......shouldn't all of this count for something??!! Current weight: 149.7.....yuck (for me)!

Guess I'm just going to have to sit here today while it's rainy and force myself to print out a new workout routine and create a snazzy new workout playlist for my iPod and get my lazy ass down there and actually work out hard. Wonder if posting progress pictures would help to motivate me? I'll keep you posted.

What I'm listening to in the background: Look at me I'm Sandra Dee from the Grease Soundtrack, up next Summer Lovin' and Greased Lightning.

Grease = Best.Soundtrack.Ever.

If you could use a smile then click here.

Random Shit

If I had to describe how I have felt all day and how I continue to feel at this very moment, I would have to say "like shit."

Coincidentally, I look and smell like shit as well.

Oh, and funny thing? So does my house.

Because I'm not a very good housekeeper sometimes, especially when I feel this shitty.

I feel like shit (I need a shit-o-meter to count the number of times I can say shit in one post) because we keep passing this crud that started with A1 a couple of weekends ago back and forth to one another. His strain consisted of a runny nose and general feeling bad. He then passed it to the husband whose strain consisted of runny nose, sore throat, and feeling crappy. My strain has mutated into this horrible thing that causes my left nostril to completely clog sporadically throughout the day, my head feels like someone has used it for an all night bongo session, my throat feels like there is a brillo pad stuck smack dab in the middle of it, I have less energy than usual, and my feet are hot as hell.

I'm not sure what my feet being so hot has to do with anything other than it's not very freaking comfortable. SHIT!

I've taken every type of cold medicine we have in our cabinet to alleviate the symptoms but they are helping out ZERO!

I was almost embarrassed to post about this because it seems that there is always some sort of sickness going around our house. What are we freaks?!

I haven't had a shower in two days, I haven't washed my hair since maybe Monday. I'm pretty gross. I was going to jump in the shower this afternoon but my husband ordered a load of sand to be delivered here this morning so we could put up our pool. We don't have a level spot for it, it's one of the 4 foot inflatable ones, so we have to improvise. I helped him spread the pool out and it's outside filling up as I type with two hoses going at full blast.

Anyway, I was advised not to wash clothes, dishes, or my ass today while it was filling up so that it wouldn't take as long and the sooner we get the water in the faster it will warm up and we can play in it. He said we shouldn't run any excess water until it was done.

I'm wondering now if that was a jab at the size of my ass since he said I should wait til it was finished. Huummmph. I'll have to bitch him out about that one later!

I won't be too hard on him though because after all the years we've been together, today he proved how much he loves me. We were all moving the swing set over to another spot in the yard when my nose did that whole clog up in an instant thing. I was struggling to breathe so I told him, "hang on I need to blow my nose." He scoffed and said "can't you just wait a second", well, umm, no I couldn't, I was literally struggling to breathe. So, being the lady that I am, I forewarned him that I was just gonna have to blow a snot rocket and to turn around so he couldn't see it.

He turned around alright, but when I blew it, it hit the back of his leg....on his calf. He turned around and said, "Did you have to blow it on me? We've got two acres right here and you had to hit ME!" "Hope you can breathe now" and then he kissed me on top of the head.

LOVE.THAT.MAN!

On to other less gross things. Not sure how the vacation thing is going to end up. The bad thing about trying to plan a vacation with another family is well, the other family! This whole thing started out with his brother telling him that he needed to take off this specific week in June so we could all go on vacation together. They said it about a billion times. Then they started looking at places to go and calling us every five minutes asking if we thought "such and such" would be a good place to go. We said we didn't care where we went that we were just glad to get to tag along.

It went from that to them telling my husband that he needs to look at some places and make reservations. Well he found a few spots and called them to see what they thought and they said, "we'll have to get back with you" and then they never did. I asked them last night about it and she acted like I kicked her cat when I brought it up. I'm guessing they had a falling out and now they don't want to go on vacation anymore and are afraid to tell us. Or, he wants to go still but he doesn't want her to go. It's a kooky relationship. Who knows!! I could care less at this point. I told hubby that if they bail on us then we can just go somewhere closer, cheaper, and fun without them.

Oh, guess what? My son, A1, has a "date" tomorrow night. It will be his first "drop off" and I'm not sure how I feel about it. He is supposed to meet three (as in 1,2,3) girls at the movies tomorrow. I'm contemplating the whole sneak back in and sit a few rows back thing but not sure yet if I could pull it off. My dad asked him how all three girls were going to sit beside him in the theater and my sweet, innocent, child replied, "one of them will just have to sit in my lap".

GRRRREEAAAT!! Is there a button I can push to skip the upcoming teenage years? He informed me the other day in casual conversation that there were two (2!!!!!) girls pregnant at his school. He's in freaking middle school!!! Ho-leeee Hell! What am I in for? The more I think about it I'm really not opposed to letting my boys live in a bubble and never leaving the house again. I'm just a super mom like that.

Oh well, at least he talks to me about stuff like this. He and I are pretty close and I'm praying it stays that way. I've tried to make him feel as comfortable as possible about telling me anything. He's very mature for his age and we have talked about pretty much everything you can think of. I don't volunteer but if he asks I tell. What else can I do?

A little bit of good news - A2 is over his fear of sitting on the big potty. Woo hoo for that! His daddy took him in there the other day and we actually got our first real use out of the Spongebob potty ring. You may recall that when we first got it he thought it would make an awesome necklace and his dad had to pry it off his big ol' melon head.

I've since gotten him to use it three times and that's with him asking on his own. Potty training this one is going to be a breeze, thank the good Lord above for that! I was more than a little anxious about it. I guess our "open door" thing we have going on around here has helped him a lot. There is NO way anyone around here, especially ME, can go to the bathroom without A2 standing right there in front of you giving the hawk eye. And if you dare try to close the door he stands outside of it beating it as hard as he can or better yet, screaming bloody murder until you relent mid-poop and open the freaking door. I mean come on, who can get a good poop out with someone raising that much hell outside the door?

OOOh, I did something just for me yesterday. I got a pedicure. I almost cancelled it because I felt like death warmed over but figured it would do me good to get up and get out. I got a gift certificate from hubby dear for my birthday way back in December and it was about to expire so I made the appointment over a week ago when I wasn't a human snot fountain. It felt sooo good to have someone rubbing my feet. I had on a pair of shorts and she was rubbing my ankles and calfs, she massaged the back of my knees, she kept on moving up til, I was starting to think I should have done some landscaping before coming for the appointment. She finally stopped at the top of my knee thank goodness. Now my toes are sparkly pink. It won't last long though. I walk around here primarily barefoot and going to the garden is going to have them all jacked up in no time.

Confession time: **Hanging head in shame** I haven't worked out since Friday. I could have on Saturday or Sunday but didn't. My parents came up Saturday afternoon and spent the night with us so that was my excuse for that night. Sunday, I was just lazy and wanted to watch Desperate Housewives. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I was sick. Today I'm still sick but I have to MAKE myself do it.

I haven't even been listening to my iPod this week. The girl has been sick I tell ya!

I've been a Nosey Nelly this week watching our neighbors moving out of the house they finally sold after almost a year on the market, jacked up to an unreasonable amount. I can't wait to see who is moving in though. I hear they have two boys which could be good for A1. He has never had boys to play with in a neighborhood, only girls. I think I may know who it is though, I was mowing one Saturday and a couple was looking that had two boys, I'm guessing around 8 or 9ish. She was a cute little blond chick and he looked like Don Ho.

That's really all I got for now. Talk to you later computer buds!

Among Friends

Recent conversation between myself and Friend 1 and Friend 2 while out shopping with each other.

Friend 1: "You know, I don't think they are making size 8 as big as they use to." "I think they are making everything smaller than they did a couple of years ago!"

Me: "Oh, my God! I was so totally thinking that a while back but didn't want to say anything because I figured you two would make fun of me."

Friend 2 (who is every bit a size 4): "Whatever bitches!" "They still make them the same" "Your fat asses have just stretched out everything you have at home. " "Let's go eat."

True friends tell you like it is!!

Close Enough To Perfect

Today is my husband's birthday! I had hoped to be about 10 pounds lighter by now but that just didn't work out in my favor. He said it's because I'm gaining muscle mass and that it weighs more than fat. I'm hovering around 146-148 these days but I'm still working out like a crazy person and I guess I'm seeing results. I felt pretty this past Saturday when I put on my white shorts (size 9-10 from Aeropostale that seem to run smaller than other stuff) and navy shirt and it looked like I had a little bit of a flat tummy. My sweet hubby even made a comment that I looked "kinda cutesy"! Woo Hoo. I've got three weeks from today to hit it hard so I can go to Florida and not be so self conscious.

Anyway, back on track. Today is my husband's birthday and I just wanted to write about how much I love him. He and I have been together for way too many years to count now and quite frankly I would have never guessed we would have made it this far back several years ago. Like most people, we've had a lot of ups but we've had a whole whole lot of downs over the years too. We've struggled with trust and honesty and have spent a lot of time crying over some of the hurtful things we've done and said to one another.

Luckily we both decided to grow up and leave all of that (well most of it) in the past and live life to the fullest. I have to tell you that it's made a world of difference. I was going to the friggin doctor several years ago switching from one antidepressant to the next thinking I had some sort of damn chemical imbalance or trying to fix my emotional roller coaster that was perpetually off track. Finally after finishing my bachelor's degree in Psychology, of all things, I figured out the problem wasn't chemical but that it was my relationship and there wasn't a pill out there that was going to fix it. I had to get off my butt and fix it myself. Well, I had to take the initiative and WE had to fix it.

We sat down and talked and talked and cried and cried and finally made up our minds that neither of us was willing to throw away all the years we had already invested in one another and wanted to be happy together rather than apart. That's also when we decided to try for another baby. It took us only a couple of months but naturally (A2) it worked. Oops, I meant to say it only took us one try since my dad reads this and he knows I've only had "relations" one other time in my life (A1). **wink, wink** Anyway, a lot of people would scoff at the thought of having a child to save a relationship but for us it 100% worked. We let the kids be the kids and we are now the adults.

Now that I see my husband through different eyes I see him as the thoughtful, caring, compassionate man I never saw before. He is a wonderful provider for me and the boys and it's evident that his world revolves around the three of us. He has worked hard to get to where he is now and I'm very proud for him. He set a goal for himself years ago career wise and is one step away from achieving all he has wanted to in his field. Because of his dedication and perseverance we are able to enjoy the lifestyle that we do and I am able to just hang my degree on the wall and admire it while staying home with A2 until I get ready to go to work.

Sure I like to make fun of him from time to time, who can blame me? He's gives me a lot to work with, and yep, I'm guilty of taking him for granted sometimes too, but when I think about where I want to be in 50 years I can't see me without him right there. Is my husband perfect? Nope, he snores, he watches way too much Sci-Fi for my taste, he never pushes the freaking drawers in all the way, and he throws his underwear in front of the laundry hamper instead of inside the damn thing about half of the time, but he's close enough to perfect for me, so I'll hang on to him.

So to my husband - I send out the warmest birthday wishes I can muster up from all three of us. I love you to the moon and back, and by the way, how does it feel to be that damn old honey??

Brokeback Bunny

As I sat here watching cartoons with A2 I started thinking back to when I was a wee lass and looked forward to Saturday morning when I would get up out of bed and watch my fill of cartoons for the week. I don't remember having 24 hour access to mind numbing cartoonery back in those days and I'm not that old.

Today's cartoons suck ass compared to the stuff that use to come on. There is way too much of that Japanese Anime crap on now and what's the deal with promoting freaking baby talk and speech impediments a'la the ANNOYING AS HELL Wonder Pets? Sure they promote teamwork every five seconds but there is only so much of that show I can take. I refuse to watch it and change it as soon as it comes on. They should pump that show into the prisons as a form of cruel and unusual punishment.

Sure there are a few good cartoons on like Spongebob, the Simpsons and the Backyardigans for the little ones to enjoy these days and they aren't that painful for the parents to have to sit through. Thankfully Tom and Jerry is still on rotation over on Cartoon Network but that's about it. Even the new Scooby Doo cartoons can't hold a candle to the old school stuff.

I really hate that Cartoon Network took off all the good stuff like Looney Tunes and the Jetson's and the Flintstones. A1 got a few good years of Cartoon Network before they switched to Craptoon Network. I can remember going into his room sometimes at 2 or 3 in the morning to find that he had gotten up out of his bed and switched on the television and was glued to Bugs Bunny. I have hours of Bugs Bunny on VHS because he loved it THAT much. I can remember A1 asking me why Bugs Bunny liked to dress like a girl so much. Try to explain that to a three year old!

A2's all time favorite show is of course Spongebob Squarepants with the Backyardigans coming in as a close second. He will sit through Dora the Explorer and Go, Diego, Go - but seriously people over at Nick, can't you play more than the same damn three or four that are ALWAYS on!! I've seen Diego save the same damn whale a gazillion times. I like that they promote learning a different language but come on I know you've got more!

I couldn't handle it today and decided I would put in one of the Looney Tunes DVDs we have for A2 to enjoy and to give his brain a rest from "Bob Bob" since I've seen this same Krusty Towers episode about 500 times more than I would have liked to see it, and that's what got me thinking back to what I use to like when I was growing up.

For example I use to like the Get Along Gang. It was about a group of animal friends who had a clubhouse made out of a train caboose and they always went on scavenger hunts. Since I mentioned the Flintstones earlier that made Captain Caveman pop into my head, he rocked! Captain Caaaaaavvveeeeemaaaaannnnn!!!! I also liked the Monchichis. Try to get this song out of your head, "Mon chi chi, Mon chi chi, oh, so soft and cuddly". I even had one of the little dolls. I wanted the big one but never got one.

This is fun! Let's see I watched Dirty Dawg and Foofur, remember him, he was the blue dog that talked real slow and I think he had a southern drawl, and also Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids. That show was a staple in my house. "Hey, Hey, Hey, it's Fat Albert, and I'm gonna sing a song for you........". I can't remember all of their names only Mushmouth, Rudy, Russell, Dumb Donald and of course Fat Albert. Do you remember the others?

Of course the Jetson's and the Flintstones and Underdog were some of my all time favorites. All. Classic. Nuff said about those. Garfield was pretty cool back then but now A1 has some of the DVDs and I don't love it now like I did back then. I vaguely remember watching Mighty Mouse. For some reason I'm picturing him flying out of a filing cabinet or something like that. Could be wrong on that one and have it confused with Underdog.

I was never a girly girl growing up, more like a tomboy, so I also got into the G.I. Joe cartoon and the "knowing is half the battle" thing at the end of each episode. I also liked Thundercats, Transformers, and He-man and the Masters of the Universe. I never cared much for She-ra but I think I had a cousin that liked that show and Jem and the Holograms so I had to endure those at sleep overs. Inspector Gadget was another one that I didn't love but would watch when nothing else was on. I had a friend that use to pretend he was Inspector Gadget when we would play on the playground at school and me and my friend AR had to fight over who got to be Penny because the other one had to be Brain.......the dog!

When I got a little older I liked the Kids Incorporated show. I use to pretend they were all my friends and I was singing along with them. When I knew nobody was looking I would try to dance like the kids in the background. What can I say, I was an only child. I use to also pretend that I was the chick in Kidd Video. Can't remember her name but Kidd was hot! That's the one where they start out as real people but get turned into cartoons and had to fight the Master Blaster. Good stuff.

Isn't it funny the obscure shit you can recall when you stop to think about it?! I had no idea I watched so much television as a child but what else was I going to do. I'm sitting here racking my brain trying to remember other shows I watched. There's the Smurfs, Shirttails, Fraggle Rock, oh and the Great Space Coaster!! Oh, my goodness, "No gnews is good gnews with Gary Gnus". Hilarious. I can still picture that creepy green guy doing the Gnus (news) of the Week.

Anybody remember the Popples and the Snorks? I use to have little plastic Snork figures but the thing that came out of their heads would always get broken off. They use to show us Raggedy Ann and Andy cartoons at my elementary school during library time. I can't really remember watching that outside of school but I can remember laying in bed pretending to be asleep waiting for all of my dolls and toys to come alive. I so wanted my Raggedy Ann and Andy doll to talk to me since I was never allowed to play with them. My mother always said they were made to be seen and not played with. Real funsucker she was!

Gosh what else? I can remember watching the Little Rascals with my Dad, not a cartoon but something we watched a LOT of. My mother did have somewhat of a human side to her because I remember watching Gilligan's Island and Bewitched and, of all things, Woody Woodpecker with her almost every afternoon and some music video show that would show the words to the song at the bottom of the screen so you could sing along. The first music video I can remember seeing was Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It.

Funny the power of television. I'm sure there were other shows that I'll think of as soon as I post this. If you remember watching any of these shows hit the comment button and tell me about it or tell me about something you liked that I left out. I may remember it once you say it.

No time to edit today so overlook blatent mistakes please!

How Does Your Garden Grow

Latest project here at camp Kookamonga - a huge garden filled with shit we don't eat, especially the husband. His vegetables include peas and corn and that's pretty much it. He's the one you NEVER want to go to eat with to a Mexican restaurant. It takes him about 20 minutes to place an order because he has to tell them to take everything off. He pretty much eats the friggin taco shell with meat and cheese in it, period. He planted a whole bunch of cucumbers, eww gross. I'm guessing HE is wanting to make pickles out of them. Consider this your warning if you know us personally. You will be given some of his pickles a'la Aunt Bee's Kerosene Cucumber recipe no doubt.

There are peppers out there - none of us eat peppers. Onions. None of us eat onions. We did plant about a gazillion watermelon seeds and some cantaloupes too. I tried to plant some sunflowers in this little circular flowerbed right off our back porch but he put our pumpkin from Halloween out there to rot and now we have pumpkins growing in with my sunflowers. Grreat!Don't know how that is going to work out. I could transplant the pumpkins to the garden with the others but I'm lazy and don't see that happening.

I like to poke fun of Farmer Hubb but this garden is really making him happy so I'm enjoying working in it with him. Plus it gives him an excuse to drive his tractor all over the place with all the different attachments. I just think it's funny we are growing all this stuff we won't eat though. A1 said he would set up a stand and sell all the extra stuff to the neighbors who are too lazy to grow their own garden. I figure GDad will get most of it. All of our neighbors don't have time for a garden because they are too busy mowing their freaking lawn every other day. I seriously think they are all in competition on who can have the best yard. Needless to say we aren't in the running. We're the Sanford's of the neighborhood.

Warning to all you Limewire addicts - I was reading somewhere yesterday that the RIAA was cracking down on some college kids who was illegally downloading stuff. It only takes one to flag you. Be smart about it.

It has seriously taken me all afternoon to write this post. I've had a bazillion interruptions. Supper, diaper changes, American Idol. You know, important stuff. So; Survivor ended this weekend and American Idol only has a few more episodes left. I'm going to be seriously scrambling to find something to rot my brain with on television. I was so excited I almost peed a little when I saw the promo for Big Brother 8 while I was watching the finale of Survivor.

Big Brother is ONLY my most favorite summer activity ever! I get so wrapped up in that show every time it comes on. I always go to the websites that watch them 24/7 and read their recaps to find out what's going on before the show airs. I'm a serious Big Brother junkie - it's like heroine to me. I have this friend that I use to work with and we would talk about it all the time. It use to piss our snooty supervisor off until we finally converted her ass just to shut her the hell up. She watched one episode and was hooked. We hardly ever talk to each other since neither of us work at that job anymore but once Big Brother starts we find our way back to each other and talk about it like biddy hens.

I talked to another old old friend today that I haven seen or talked to in over 10 years, probably longer. It was as if no time had passed at all. We did a quick recap of what had been going on in our lives, how our husbands and kids drive us crazy sometimes and if we had had our second child first neither of us would have had another. It was about a 20 minute conversation but it felt great to talk to her. I'm sure the two of us will keep in contact. I love it when you reconnect with true friends. She's actually a cousin about 15 times removed or something like that.

Quick recap of Mother's Day since I haven't been keeping up like I should with my posting. It. Was. Fantastic. My guys didn't do anything spectacular like serve me breakfast in bed but they spent the whole day being nice to me and they even let me go shopping at the toy store. Yep, I'm a just a big kid trapped in a fat woman's body. Guess what I found? The Winkie Guard that totally completes my Wizard of Oz Barbie set. I now have all seven (7) dolls. Woo freakin' Hoo. I have been looking for that stupid doll forever. I saw it going for about $80 on eBay. Whatever! If I was going to pay $80 for a Barbie I'd get one of the Lucy's that I'm missing. I have 9 of those but I'm missing three of the most important ones.

We spent the afternoon rotting our brains watching the first season of the Sopranos when we got back from the toy store. We finished it and started on the second. I'm going to go into withdrawal once we finish that because we don't have seasons three or four. Do you have it? Can I borrow it? I promise to be careful with it. I. Must. See. It! I still can't get over the fact that this guy let us borrow his and he had never even opened them yet. This dude rocks!

Let's see, my mom was out of town for Mother's Day and I didn't get to talk to her on Sunday but I did on Saturday. She and my dad rode off to one of their favorite places and spent the night. I know she loved it. If you see this Mom, I love you! Hope you enjoy your iTunes card. (Yep, she's a member of iPodders Anonymous but don't rat her out she'd never admit to it outright.)

Monday was a blur. We watched the Sopranos from Sunday night when the hubby got home from work. Oh. My. Goodness. I figured they would rub out Chrissy but I didn't think it would be like that. Only three more left. All the good shows I like end up going off the air. Got any suggestions for something I can watch? I caught back up on my Days of our Lives. I'd quit watching and was only skimming it daily. The story lines were horrible but they are bringing back all of the good characters (Stefano!!!!! in particular) and I can't wait. Now my cousin and I will talk every single day instead of every other day. She's the one that got me hooked on this show back 20 some odd years ago. Man I'm getting old!

Today it rained cats and dogs this afternoon. I worked my ass off downstairs on the treadmill and the Blowflex (no that's not a spelling error, it blows that I can't lose this friggin' weight!!)

A2 did the potty bucket thing again today, he went and got it, brought it to me and pulled at the front of his pants. Only this time he was in the middle of a poop and failed to mention that to me so as I jerked his diaper down to let him pee there were poop pellets rolling all over the bathroom floor. AWESOME. I vote that there should be a button or something installed on them that automatically teaches them to crap in the toilet without assistance. This diaper/pull-up/potty training chair thing has got to be some sort of systematised element of organized crime. Maybe I've been watching too much Sopranos.

I'm going to go see if I can con my dear husband into giving me a massage. I'm not holding my breath but if I annoy him long enough he'll relent just to shut me up.

Ciao computer buddies!

What I'm listening to right now: Mondo Bondo by Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros (awesome make out song!) Next up: Your Song by Elton John

What I weigh right now: Too damn much! No seriously, too much. Fine, I weigh 146.8 that's with all my clothes on and my running shoes because I'm too lazy to take them off. I've got to hit it hard from now on if I want to wear something that even resembles a bathing suit and not a building awning in Florida on June 11.

Where's my support group??!!

Pizzaholics Unite

50 Things to Try When You Order a Pizza.

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, 'Remember, we never had this conversation.'
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you re going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim 'Oh, just surprise me!' and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Order in pig Latin.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's 'Master of Puppets' CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want; rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say 'crazy bread.' (my personal favorite)
15. Stutter on the letter p .
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else (eg. if phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!).
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Say that you have a coupon for a free Ferrari with two large thin crust pizzas.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you re depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisine's. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a factual pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say 'Bed-Wetters Camp, right?'
26. Start your order with 'I d like'. A little later, slap yourself and say 'No, I don t'.
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say 'OK. That ll be?10.99 - please pull up to the first window.'
28. Ask if you can rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of 'pepperoni'. Use the long 'I' sound.
32. Have your pizza 'shaken, not stirred'.
33. Say 'Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say 'Well, so is this! You ve got some explaining to do!' When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask,'Do you know what it s like to be lied to?'
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream 'Good-bye' at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech. When they say 'What would you like?' say, 'Huh? Oh, you mean now.'
38. Play a sitar in the background.
39. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
40. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
41. Ask to see a menu.
42. Quote Carl Sandberg or Larry The Cable Guy...whichever floats your boat.
43. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
44. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
45. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
46. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
47. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
48. Ask for a pizza in a hexagonal pattern.
49. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say 'Where was I? Who are you?'
50. Psychoanalyze the order taker. Ask them about their childhood.

Yeah, I could have done something a little more constructive with my time but I thought this was pretty funny when I read it. NO I didn't come up with this list, I swiped it from somewhere.

What Would You Have Done?

So here's what went on here this morning at my house. I woke up this morning and made sure A1 got off to school OK. He'd been having trouble for the past couple of weeks waking up and missed the bus on four (4) occasions. He likes to sneak and read or listen to his iPod until super late and hits the snooze button three too many times. Since he technically isn't suppose to ride in the government car, I had to drag myself out of bed and take him to school. I wasn't too thrilled with this since it's a pain in the ass to take him. Anyway. He was out the door this morning with no problems. Way to go A1!! (Plus he didn't want to have to pay me $5 for a ride to school. Yep, I told him I'm going to start charging since he lets free transportation go by the house without being on it. He's a tightwad and that put some pep in his step!!)

A2 woke up screaming bloody murder at around 1 in the morning so I schlepped into his room and got him and planted him in bed beside me. Since hubby wasn't home last night I made a pillow barricade and we slept just fine. He woke up this morning in a great mood. He was crawling all over me and trying to tickle me up under my chin. That usually feels more like having my skin removed with sandpaper more than it tickles but I endure it. He plays pretty rough these days!

Once he caught site of the remote control on the night stand the tickling was over. **Thank the Lord!** He needed his Spongebob fix so I turned on the television. We had to settle for the Backyardigans. I went to the pantry and got the Crunch Berries out and brought them to bed for him to munch on. Don't tell my husband that though, he'll freak out that I let the baby eat in bed.....on his side no less. While he was munching, I called the preschool lady and got him set up for that. It doesn't start until September 5th so I can live with that. I have from now until then to prepare both him and myself for the big event.

That means we have to teach him to play easier and to get into a "normal" sleeping pattern. That's going to hurt me a lot more than it does him. A2 and I are such night owls. He was like that in my belly. He'd start his nightly kick fest like clockwork at around 1 in the morning.

Anyway, she said with the two year olds they just play at different play stations, do some crafts, paint and just other general play. There isn't much structure you can plan with two year olds. They practice taking turns and playing with other kids. I'm going to give it a shot. It's on Monday's and Wednesday's and it's from 9:30 til 12. It would give me time to clean my house without him being right up under me or to do some shopping without having to take him in and out of the car seat. Although, that has never been a problem. He loves to shop or to just go "bye, bye" in general. I'll actually miss him if I go shopping without him.

After I talked to her I called the doctor's office. I'm seriously (they already have it at the office) considering getting the Mirena IUD inserted. I just have to get up the nerve to go and have it done. I have a standing appointment for in the morning but hubby said we should talk about it more tonight when he gets home.

I finished my phone calls and flopped back on the bed for A2 to feed me some Crunch Berries. We ate some and watched some television together for about an hour. I needed a shower so we got off the bed and headed for the bathroom. I turned on the water and remembered that while I was in there yesterday I had to glom together two itty bitty pieces of soap to even get a lather.

I'm apparently the ONLY one who knows where the extra soap is kept. So I went to the cabinet got out a bar for me and one for hubby. I took mine out of the box, put it on the counter and turned to take the other one out of the box and pitch the boxes in the trash. A2 picked up MY bar of soap and started to turn and run with it.

Me: "NO NO NO, Don't take my soap!"

A2: "Gabba, dabba, kitty cat"

I tried to grab him as he headed out the door but he turned back into the bathroom, ran past the shower and PLUNK......threw it into the toilet.

Me: "AWWWW MAAAAN!!"

A2: "Byyyyeeee"

Damn. I had to reach my hand into the toilet to retrieve MY soap, all the while thinking to myself, why couldn't it have been HUBBY'S soap??!!

What was I to do? I considered throwing it away but why in the hell would I do that? It's not like there was anything in the toilet and if you know me, you know I'm very anal (no pun intended) about keeping my toilets clean. Besides don't you just rub the soap up the crack of your ass and over your dirty funky feet anyway? What could be dirtier than that?

I jumped in the shower with my soap. I made sure to wash it between my hands for several minutes before I commenced my shower. I'm sure it was perfectly fine but as I was lathering up, I couldn't help thinking I just as well could be rubbing a purple turd all over my body since my pretty soap had just come out of the toilet. I thought about using hubby's soap as back up but who has that much time? I was doing good to get a shower in the first place. I got out, dried off and put on an extra layer of lotion. I needed to at least smell good since I didn't quite feel clean!

Ahhhh, the joys of motherhood!

I Got Nothin'

I really don't have anything to talk about today. Hubby left last night and will be gone until Wednesday night so it's just me and the boys. Last night we had sandwiches for supper and tonight I'm thinking cereal or hot dogs. Hell, I may even take them to McDonald's. I'm super mom, I know. Plus I scrubbed my kitchen yesterday from top to bottom and with hubby gone I'm guaranteed it to stay clean at least until he gets back.

Things are going pretty slow around here. I was so bored last night after A1 and A2 went to sleep that I hung up everything that was piled up in my closet. You know the stuff I'm talking about...all the clothes I've been trying on as I work out to see if it fits yet. It was a pretty big pile and I had to steal hangers from hubby's side. I'll have to remember to pick some up the next time I go out so he doesn't realize it. He cleaned out his side of the closet over the weekend and had a bunch of hangers to spare. He said he wanted to hang up all his short sleeved shirts since I don't get his stuff out of the dryer while it's hot and it's all wrinkled. **Insert eye roll here**

What the hell is he thinking? Does he really think that I go in there and deliberately leave his stuff in there to get wrinkled? Does he really think I like to hear him bitch and moan about it every time he gets a shirt out of the drawer? Nope. Don't. Think. So. He just has so many that when I fold them and put them up, I may be guilty of cramming too many in a drawer at once, but where else am I going to put them? We have three dressers in our bedroom and they are all full of his shirts. Not to mention the ones that are already hanging up.

Moving on. A1 and I tried to watch a movie last night. It took us about two and a half hours to get through an hour and a half long movie. A2 can be quite demanding at times. He spent most of the night barking at the two of us or climbing on top of A1 and bouncing on him. We watched Just My Luck with Lindsey Lohan. Stupid. It was one of those where they tried too hard to make it funny. They could have cut out about half of their antics and it would have been better. After I cleaned out my closet I watched Legends of the Fall. It had been a while since I'd seen it. I picked it because at the time I was thinking it was the other Brad Pitt movie about him and his brothers, A River Runs Through It, but watched anyway. I'll tell you, I wouldn't kick that man out of bed for eating crackers. I was missing hub-a-dub so it took me until at least 3 to fall asleep.

Funny story. My parents both have iPods now and are addicted. My dad calls me for advice and I love it. My mom got hers over the weekend but by the time they called to tell me she already had over 100 songs on it. I swear they must lace those damn ear buds with crack or something so it can seep into your brain to get you hooked.

I have a question for you. Do you ever do something over and over again knowing that the end result is going to be the same and it's not very pleasant? I think the technical term for that is called insanity. So I guess I'm insane. Want to know why?

I'm sitting here with my right foot asleep and the left one is halfway there because every time I put my freaking shoes on I. Tie. Them. WAY. Too. Tight! I'm sure there is some deep seeded root as to why I do that. Maybe in my past life I didn't have shoes or someone stole them from me. Who knows.

A2 surprised me this morning. I was in the bedroom getting some socks out of my drawer when he came in there wagging the insert to his potty chair. He sat it down at my feet and started pulling at the front of his pants. I dropped the socks, yanked his britches down, undid his DRY diaper and held it up to him. He used it and then clapped his hands. Woo Hoo! That's the first time he's ever initiated using it like that. Way to go A2!!

I'm off to pull him in the wagon. It's good exercise and I can stick one ear bud in and listen to my iAppendage while we walk. I think I'm going to listen to the .38 Special I just got the other day. Hold on Loosely and Caught Up in You. After that I'll listen to Cher. She motivates me to take faster steps.

Have a good Tuesday. Can't wait til tonight when the "idulls" sing songs of the Bee Gees. I'm rooting for Blake.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo

Hola Amigos,

Que pasa? It's been a crazy couple of days around here. Something got into me and I moved the couches from one end of the living room to the other, cleaned out from underneath them both and then moved them back to their original spot. I took the shag area rug we have and rotated that thing all by myself. That is one heavy mother!! I scrubbed the windows across the back of the house and even, get this, mopped my back deck. I know, right! You could run your tongue across it and it would taste like sunshine.

A2 and I went to this Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) meeting on Thursday morning. We had to be there at 9:30 in the morning. Anyone who knows us knows that being up that early in the morning is a major accomplishment for the two of us. People know better than to ring our phone before 10. Well most people, I have this one friend who likes to call and ask me what the hell I'm doing at 7 in the morning sometimes when she gets bored.

Anyway, I have never left A2 with strangers before. He has stayed with my grandparents one day and with my parents a couple of times for a few hours but that's the extent of it. On Thursday at MOPS I took him to a preschool room and left him with three ladies and about four other little boys his age. He cried at first but when I snuck back a few minutes later he had already calmed down and was fine. I went back to the meeting. It was a pretty cool program.

What it is is a bunch of mothers get together once a month and have some adult conversation with each other. Since it's held at a church there is a couple of speakers who share stories of hope and inspiration for the mothers to use as they may. We ate finger foods and there was a chocolate fountain. There is prayer and that's pretty much it for about two hours. Once the meeting was over I went to pick up A2 and the women just raved over how sweet he was and how good he did with the other kids. I was so proud of him. They were holding him up at the window waiting for me and he was just jabbering. They helped him make a Mother's Day card for me that had his hand print on it that they made look like a flower.

Too bad that was the last meeting before the new semester starts in September. I met a few nice people and they have a standing play date for every Thursday at the park from now until the meetings start back up. I'll probably go to some just to get out and chat with new people and let A2 play with other kids besides his big brother.

I picked up a preschool registration form for him to start in August. It's not like real preschool where they go and are forced to sit and learn stuff. I mean seriously, what can you teach a room full of two year olds? It's more like Mom's Day Out two days a week for three hours at a time. I haven't decided if I want to do it yet or not. I don't know who's more attached right now, him or me. I think it's me.

Friday I had to go for the yearly spread 'em. That was big fun! I found a new doctor and think I'm going to really like her. If all goes as planned I'm going to get an IUD put in as soon as Flo comes. I think we've decided that two is all we can handle. I'm a little scared but think it's the best option. I can barely remember to brush my teeth every day so taking the pill wouldn't work and I'm not very big on shots so that's out of the question. I brought up the V-word to my husband and he pretty much nixed (no pun intended) that before I got it out of my mouth.

Today has been pretty uneventful. I made us some Spanish rice and a mile high taco pie for lunch. That was our Cinco de Mayo celebratory food. I was going to make some celebratory daiquiri's but decided against it. A1 went to a friends house to play for a few hours, hubby played Star Wars Lego and A2 tormented the cat. His new favorite thing to do is run up behind her and bark. He cracks me up when he does that. He takes a deep breath and yells "Woooof" at the top of his lungs. She tries to walk away from him but he's too quick for that these days. Her only solace is if I open the door to the back porch and don't let him see her go out. He saw me give her a cat treat yesterday and now I have to hide them from him or else he wants to force feed the whole canister to her. Oh, I make him bark at his Daddy too. He'll even do it over the phone at him.

A friend of the hubby let me/us borrow his seasons one, two and five of the Sopranos. I'm in television heaven! This guy had never even opened them up and he let me borrow them. I thought that was pretty freaking awesome since I saw they cost about $50 a pop at Wally World. The first part of season six alone costs $80. How crazy is that? My family should be able to guess what I'm going to ask for for my birthday and Christmas or just because you love me this year. I can't believe I got in on the tail end of this show. I LOVE it!

We watched the first four episodes last night. We tried to watch some tonight but A2 was being so silly we had to pause it to laugh at him. He would take his t-shirt and stretch it over his brother's head and ask where'd bub go. It took us a while to figure out what he was saying. He would also jump on his tricycle and ride it at about a hundred miles per hour around in circles. Side note: Plastic wheels on hardwood @ 100 mph = Impossible to hear oneself fart, let alone watch television.

I should be downstairs working out. I was crushed when I went to the doctor yesterday. I "officially" weigh 151 on their scale. My digital scale here at home said 147 on Thursday. I didn't have the guts to jump on there when I got home yesterday afternoon and today after our Mexican fiesta there's no way in hell I'd get on it right now. I've pretty much scaled down my goal of hitting the 130's by May 21st. I'm pretty fond of eating and not starving so my adjusted goal is to lose at least five pounds by the 21st, five more by the end of the month and then another five or so by the end of the first week in June. We're planning a trip to Florida the second week in June so now I HAVE to work out or I'll be mistaken for a friggin' orca out there. I'd like to hit 133ish by the time we head out. Feel free to hit the comment button and shout out some support. I need it!!

Instead of working out I'm off to watch the last half of episode four of the Sopranos. It's midnight and nobody wants to work out at midnight! Besides, I fell asleep last night in the middle of it but didn't want to admit it to my hubby. He said before he started it I wouldn't make it all the way through. I hate it when he's right!

¡CUÍDATE! (Take Care)

On Bitch Slapping Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Wasn't it bad enough that I had to cut my and A2's outing short yesterday because my stomach started to rumble like there was a massive earthquake building up inside there? Wasn't it bad enough for you that I spent the majority of the afternoon in the playroom laying on the bed because it's the closest spot to the bathroom? Wasn't it enough that I had to skip working out again for fear of dehydration since I'd already lost so much fluid that afternoon via your little surprise visit.

NOPE you say. How nice of you. **Insert short pause here** Bitch.

This morning I awoke to the feeling of severe claustrophobia. Every inch of my body was swollen. It hurt to blink. If I had to compare myself to something, the first thing to come to mind would be the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. My fingers were so swollen that I actually started to freak out because I couldn't bend them without them hurting and even worse than that was the fact that I couldn't get my wedding rings off.

I was freaking out so bad you would have thought the damn things were around my neck instead of my fingers. After about 10 minutes of licking and turning and running them under the sink they finally slid off, with about a quarter inch of my knuckle.

My watch had worked it's way up my arm as far as it would go during the night, because I never take it off except to shower, and was cutting into my arm. Here I am telling you about this three hours later with the imprint of my watch still in my arm.

What a way to wake up huh? On top of all the swelling, I woke up with such a cramp in my right side, that while I was standing there at the sink trying to free my chubby finger, I could only stand upright about three quarters of the way. The stitch in my side wouldn't allow for a full upright stance. I'm still hobbling around here hunched over like Quasimodo. All I need is the hump.

All of that, Mother Nature, I could deal with but what I don't understand is why in the hell did you drag the boobs into this? I could feel your presence over the weekend so it's no big shocker that you came knocking. The boobs got their usual tender but today they feel like I've been kicked in the chest by a pissed off horse. It seriously hurts to inhale. Any movement by them whatsoever makes me want to hurt someone or something.

A2 doesn't understand and tried to drive his matchbox cars up the "mountains" causing me to almost bite my tongue in half to keep from screaming! Thank the Lord I kept my nursing bras because that's the only thing I can put on right now to prevent them from moving too much while I try to go about my day here.

Oh and the hormones. You don't even want to get me started on them. I can laugh, cuss and cry all within the span of three seconds or less.

So thanks for stopping by and making my Wednesday even better than my Tuesday afternoon shit fest. Appreciate you thinking about me.

Sincerely, Up Yours,

Rambleina