Wednesday, May 2, 2007

On Bitch Slapping Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Wasn't it bad enough that I had to cut my and A2's outing short yesterday because my stomach started to rumble like there was a massive earthquake building up inside there? Wasn't it bad enough for you that I spent the majority of the afternoon in the playroom laying on the bed because it's the closest spot to the bathroom? Wasn't it enough that I had to skip working out again for fear of dehydration since I'd already lost so much fluid that afternoon via your little surprise visit.

NOPE you say. How nice of you. **Insert short pause here** Bitch.

This morning I awoke to the feeling of severe claustrophobia. Every inch of my body was swollen. It hurt to blink. If I had to compare myself to something, the first thing to come to mind would be the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. My fingers were so swollen that I actually started to freak out because I couldn't bend them without them hurting and even worse than that was the fact that I couldn't get my wedding rings off.

I was freaking out so bad you would have thought the damn things were around my neck instead of my fingers. After about 10 minutes of licking and turning and running them under the sink they finally slid off, with about a quarter inch of my knuckle.

My watch had worked it's way up my arm as far as it would go during the night, because I never take it off except to shower, and was cutting into my arm. Here I am telling you about this three hours later with the imprint of my watch still in my arm.

What a way to wake up huh? On top of all the swelling, I woke up with such a cramp in my right side, that while I was standing there at the sink trying to free my chubby finger, I could only stand upright about three quarters of the way. The stitch in my side wouldn't allow for a full upright stance. I'm still hobbling around here hunched over like Quasimodo. All I need is the hump.

All of that, Mother Nature, I could deal with but what I don't understand is why in the hell did you drag the boobs into this? I could feel your presence over the weekend so it's no big shocker that you came knocking. The boobs got their usual tender but today they feel like I've been kicked in the chest by a pissed off horse. It seriously hurts to inhale. Any movement by them whatsoever makes me want to hurt someone or something.

A2 doesn't understand and tried to drive his matchbox cars up the "mountains" causing me to almost bite my tongue in half to keep from screaming! Thank the Lord I kept my nursing bras because that's the only thing I can put on right now to prevent them from moving too much while I try to go about my day here.

Oh and the hormones. You don't even want to get me started on them. I can laugh, cuss and cry all within the span of three seconds or less.

So thanks for stopping by and making my Wednesday even better than my Tuesday afternoon shit fest. Appreciate you thinking about me.

Sincerely, Up Yours,



Chrishina said...

Hey Girl you ok? Are you still swollen? Email me or something k?

Oh I don't have our Grandparent's new email could you send that me too? Please.

Hope you're feeling better.