Christmas Wishes

So I'm a little behind on posting...what's new. It's been a crazy few days but it's been worth the hassle. We did a little Christmas shopping in the land of nowhere and nothing and actually found a few good things. We loaded up the car on Friday afternoon and headed back to our old house and spent the weekend there shopping and sleeping like kings in our normal bedrooms.

We've been at my parent's house since Sunday. We've finally finished up our shopping and now it's time to sit back and relax and let the festivities begin.

I hope the boys enjoy their gifts this year. They may not get everything they wanted but hopefully they will grasp the true meaning of Christmas and be happy spending their time with family. I know A2 is beyond happy being here with his grandparents. He couldn't wait to get to their house to see them.

My Daddy is doing wonderful after his surgery and it's the best present I could have asked for. When I saw him for the first time after leaving his house after the surgery he looked like a different man altogether. He's over at the kitchen counter now making pigs in a blanket with my husband and the boys and it's such a beautiful sight.

The weather stinks here. It's raining cats and dogs and I truly feel sorry for those out doing their shopping around here today. It's nothing but nasty outside.

I really don't have much more to say other than that I wish everyone out there reading this a blessed holiday season. I know it can get hectic with all of the hustle and bustle and that sometimes family can get annoying but don't let it get you worked up. Enjoy the time you have and make the most of it!

Happy Christmas!

Whatever

My Day in Pictures

Woke up this morning with a sever case of



Nothing really out of the ordinary when it comes to me and PMS. It gives me something I can put my finger on when people look at me like I have two heads. I mean come on it's not a secret that



It's just that PMS amps it up a notch or 10. Surely by now everyone around me knows that

I'm pretty good at it. I've had years of practice.

Some months are worse than others. I should have felt this particular case of PMS coming on since I've devoured everything loaded with carbs or covered in chocolate and/or sugar in this house for the past three days and truly believe right now that

Not to mention the copious amounts of Reese's peanut butter cups I hid from my family from Halloween all for myself.

Everytime I get one they all flock to me like vultures wanting to know how they can get their hands on one.

The husband knows better to push the issue and openly beg but those pesky children are a different story.

Too bad

I'm going to be writing a nasty little letter to the people at Safety 1st for not having properly working locks and latches in their stupid "childproofing" set. Sure they keep them from getting out but not from getting IN.

Obviously a concept flaw.

Don't get me wrong

I've single handedly turned them into the little monsters they are today.

On most days I wouldn't trade them for a dime...maybe a shot of tequila, but not a dime.

The husband was out of town all day yesterday and spent the night away from home. He called this morning to let me know he would be home tonight for dinner.

I guess this means I have to get up off my lazy ass and do something today. No more lounging around watching hours and hours of Gilmore girls in my pajamas.

Sure

I bust my ass most of the time cooking and cleaning and nobody ever seems to notice the difference around here when I do make special efforts to do something nice, so my new philosophy is

I'm thinking that as long as nothing is morphing into it's own entity out of the laundry pile and we can actually find the remote control then all is good.

Yes, I'm aware that there are those who will visit me with their white kid gloves on and look down on my new way of thinking but to them I gently say

I'll wait over here out of the way.

It's funny what a good case of PMS will do to the attitude. It can take a sweet, ok sometimes sweet, natured girl like myself and give her the gumption to say

to all the mundane little things floating around out there.

The other thing about PMS is that most people have learned that it isn't wise to challenge someone in the throws of an extremely nasty case.

I mean come on

We could bury your body deep in the woods without so much as breaking a nail or even a good sweat......and get away with it.

I haven't exactly figured out the best cure for days like this.

I've tried the buckets and buckets of Haagen Das but that just doesn't seem to do it for me. It just makes me feel that much worse about not being able to button the crumpled up pair of jeans laying in the middle of my bedroom floor that I had on just eight damn days ago.

It's been said that money can't buy happiness but I'm thinking whoever the hell said that was some broke asshole that never tried it.

I say never underestimate the power of retail therapy. I should make buttons and pass them out. I'll take retail therapy over a good romp any day.

Too bad when I got married I was never informed about the importance of

Oh, my husband has one with a little bit of green in it but it's mostly in the form of $1 and $5 and he rather enjoys sitting on them. That high pitch squeaking noise you hear is probably my husband walking around with his "bank."

Lucky for me I have my credit cards that he hasn't managed to wrestle from me yet.

He should notice by now the monthly surge that occurs around the same time every month. If he hasn't then let's just keep that little tidbit between me and you.

The way I look at it, it's a win win because hell who can argue with the logic of

Ah, I feel a little better already just getting that all off my chest. Freud couldn't hold a candle to my Old Navy card.

I'll feel even better when I'm back from the land of 50% off fleece pullovers in a little while. I just need to make a quick stop over at MooOMooO'sRUs for something to wear.

Bloat sucks balls!

And just so you know

Thank you very much.

Toxic Friends

Have you ever heard your phone ringing and knew in the pit of your stomach you didn't want to answer it even before you looked at the screen to see who was calling? If so you must be like me and have what I like to refer to as toxic friends.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that everyone has at least one and if you can't think of one then maybe you need to step back and ask yourself if YOU are the toxic one.

Some toxic friends are generally hard to spot and can start out as really great but once the honeymoon phase of the friendship is over that's when they shed their mask and their true colors shine through. Other toxic friends stick out like a sore thumb and it's pretty apparent they are chronically miserable and will stop at nothing to suck everyone around them into their black hole of misery.

Why am I talking about this?

My phone rang the other day and ONE of my toxic friends was on the line. I saw the name pop up on the screen and against my better judgment I hit answer instead of ignore. I haven't heard from her in a couple of years and thought it would be nice to catch up with her a little bit. I now realize I would have been better off had I dropped the phone in the toilet and punched myself in the face repeatedly for about 10 minutes.

This particular toxic friend (TF from here on out) as a rule never calls to see how things are going with me or to ask how the boys are doing. She usually starts right in on her woe is me routine and her never ending string of ailments that apparently have no cure. Most new diseases and mental illnesses get their origin with this chick if you actually buy into everything she says. I was hoping this conversation wouldn't go down that road since it had been a while since we talked and when she's in good spirits is fun to talk to.

It did.

TF started the conversation with a snarky "so you DO actually know how to answer the phone, usually I get your voicemail."

Inside my head: What a great start. Moron.

TF: "Well I just got off the phone with my boss and I now have to quit my job because my feet are so messed up and he won't let me have the days off I want." "I had this thing come up on the side of my toe and it hurt so bad I couldn't stand for all that many hours without being in so much pain."

Inside my head: I'm sure it's just a corn or a callus but by the time you went online and followed one of those self diagnosis flow charts it's morphed into plantar fasciitis. Just another excuse for you to quit job number 346,678,112 and have everyone feel sorry for you because deep down you just don't want to work.

TF: "Get this, boyfriend 1 found out three days ago about boyfriend 2 and he called the police on me to get out of the house." "I would go live with boyfriend 2 but he still hasn't kicked that dumb bitch of a girlfriend out yet. "I know she's cheating on him." "He deserves so much better than that."

Inside my head, still, because she hasn't stopped for air since I said hello: Are you serious? Can you hear yourself talking??!?

TF: "Oh, guess who's pregnant?"

Screaming inside my head: PLEASE GOD DON'T LET IT BE YOU. Two is enough!

TF: "My daughter.....again." "She met some boy (yes, boy) at the movies a few weeks ago and they hit it off so good." "He's a real sweetheart and he is so good with the baby."

Inside my head: Did she just say she met him a few weeks ago?

Ok, let me just add here that TF is talking about her 17 year old daughter who has a child already that was born premature and has real health issues. That baby should be about two years old now since that's around the last time I talked to her.

ME: "Wow, when you call with news you make it worth the effort." "Where does she live, how is the baby?" "Where do you live?" "Did you know that I no longer live in the same state as you?"

TF: "WHAT?" "Where are you?" "I was waiting to catch up a little bit more with you but I was hoping to come stay with you for a few days until boyfriend 2 can get that slut out of our house." "My mom said I couldn't stay with her, so what am I suppose to do now?"

Inside my head: She said "our" house. Wonder if she can spell delusional? Has she forgotten who I am married to or the fact that I can only take her in small doses? Didn't she just turn 38 in October?

TF: "Well, I guess I better go you wouldn't happen to have Friend 1 or Friend 2's phone numbers would you?"

ME: "No I sure don't, I guess I lost them in the move." (I lied.)

TF: "OK, well bye."

I never got the word bye out of my mouth before she hung up. Now I realize that my thoughts inside my head were not nice but I've known TF for about eight years now and all of our conversations pretty much go the same way. Only on a manic day will she actually ask about me or just talk about random things other than how the world had taken a big shit right on her head.

I met her when I met Friend 1 and Friend 2 years ago. The three of them knew each other long before I came along and none of them were very close. I was sort of the catalyst that brought our little group together. My first impression of TF was that she seemed like a pretty cool person but had this perpetual scowl. That should have been my first clue but I'm a sucker.

I'm going to let the cat out of the bag here and let you know that I'm really a softie at heart. Damn, there goes all my street cred, but I like to help people and I'm a magnet for people with issues. I went into the field of psychology for this reason. I like talking and listening and trying to help people when things look bleak. I'm a pretty good judge of character and can more often than not figure out the root and lay it out there in the open.

I draw the line with people who talk and talk and ask for help and when it's given or suggested they make NO efforts to change. They would rather wallow. TF is a wallower.

She didn't call me to see what was new or to talk about what's been going on with either of us she cut right to the chase. I knew what she wanted as soon as the second sentence was out of her mouth. It was pretty much cemented by the third. In summery, she quit her job, had no money, boyfriend was no longer going to foot the bill for her so she wants pity money from me.

She must have had a rare break in the synaptic misfiring and realized that I was the wrong person to ask flat out about money so she continued on with her story. It wasn't until I let her know that I no longer live near her that she needed to go so abruptly. I purposefully fed her that tidbit of information because the conversation needed to be over. I couldn't do anything for her and I could hear that she was mentally crossing me off the list.

Oh and that bit about wanting to stay with me was total bullshit on her part. She probably would have come over but only if she thought she could squeeze something out of me. My guess is she will be driving by boyfriend 1 and boyfriend 2's houses watching their every move until she gets bored with that and decides to drive by ex-husband 2's house to see if she can catch his new wife outside so she can scream profanities at her. She more or less just needed gas money. If she was hungry I would have fed her. If the baby needed food I would have gotten some. I don't hand out cash. She knows this and had to get off the phone.

Had she called and asked for advice or just needed to talk about things then it would have been different but when it was apparent I wasn't going to get a word in and that she wasn't even asking for me to talk that she just wanted a handout from me I cut it short. Besides I've talked to this girl so much that it's apparent that she doesn't want to change. She thrives on negative attention and will continue in this vicious circle until she decides enough is enough.

The conversation was over in 3 minutes and 44 seconds but it felt like 3 hours and 44 minutes.

The saddest thing that came from that conversation is the fact that it made me take stock of some of the people in my life and I can think of about three others who are just as toxic but in their own way. I'm serious when I say I'm a magnet to this crap.

It's no secret that I come straight out of toxicity. My own mother is the poster child for toxic. It's no wonder I was drawn to the field of psychology. I had to find a way to pick myself up from my own jacked up childhood and figure out a way to stop being a wallower myself and discover the wonders of self esteem. It's not and was not an easy task but I personally know it CAN be done. I have another toxic friend that is so sneaky in their toxic ways that she actually burned me a couple of times. I forget and say things to her that in the end have come back to bite me on the ass.

There is also one other female I have in my life that is so full of disdain for anyone who does not think the way she thinks or does things quite the way she wants them done that she will blast them without once thinking about their feelings. This person expects everyone around her to conform to her way of thinking and if they don't she personally diagnoses them with a mental illness. Regular Anna Freud that one. She is partial to no one either. She will lambaste her own children. To their face and to each other. I hope to never be filled with so much self loathing that I have to project it onto my friends and family.

Don't get me wrong. Nobody is perfect, we all grouse and complain. I've never known anyone so happy with their life that they have cheerful rainbows shooting out of their ass. If I did I would be wary of them. We all have bad days or months or hell, even bad years but when that turns into constant negativity and every thing that happens is interpreted as the worst possible situation ever it's toxic.

There are days where things rub me the wrong way and I'm in full on bitch mode but I've learned to recognize it and turn it off when I see it is starting to take a toll on those around me. I've had days where I've been on the verge of tears for no apparent reason but it doesn't make me feel any better to make the people around me feel as though I need to climb upon a soapbox and put on my doomsayer robe to drag them down as well. It takes effort.

Maybe it was good I answered the phone the other day. Since it's apparent I suck at keeping a whole list of resolutions, I will make just one to stay away from toxic people in the new year because whether you like it or not they get to you and bring you down.

My proof: This post. That phone call was at least five days ago and here I am still letting it get to me.

Do you have toxic friends/family? How do you deal with them? Do you cringe when you see certain names on your caller ID?

Remind me to send flowers to the genius who invented that little gem!

On Lack of Productivity and Unintentional Dirty Words

Talk about taking your birthday and stretching it out to make the most of it. I've managed to get away with doing as little as possible this week and there has been NO griping and complaining.

Things I've accomplished this week:

1. I mopped the floors. Some things can't be overlooked no matter how much effort I put in to ignoring them. Plus when you mop the floors it gives off the appearance that the whole house is clean and you worked your ass off all day accomplishing it when it actually only took about half an hour.
2. Loaded the dishwasher. Didn't bother to unload it though. I figure that since we only have a limited amount of things here that more than likely it will all come out a piece at a time by oh, say, Saturday.
3. Cooked dinner only three times and two of them held probably no nutritional value to my family whatsoever - frozen pizza on Monday and hot dogs on Tuesday.
4. I washed a load of towels since it was either that or have everyone drip dry or dry off on hand towels and I washed the comforter that has been piled up in a ball on my laundry room floor for at least two weeks. I only washed it because I switched detergent and fabric softener this week and the smell is like floating on a cloud.

If I weren't so lazy I'd take everything we own and run it through the wash just to have that smell wafting out of every corner of this house. This is also another way in which it would seem effort was expelled to clean my bedroom today. There is still crap all over the place in there but because the super awesome clean smell of that comforter smacks you in the face as soon as you walk in, you can't help but totally over look that junk and breathe in the freshness.

I could do that for A1 and A2's rooms but since I dipped out that extra helping of lazy this week it ain't happening. I'll wash their sheets tomorrow or Monday.

Sadly I'm sitting here trying to think if there was something else that I actually accomplished this week and I'm coming up blank. I rock at life this week! Good thing it was my birthday so I can at least give some sort of excuse other than just plain old lazy. (I'll save that one for another time. I'm not too proud.)

I did start watching the Gilmore Girls two nights ago, not productive but enjoyable for me, and after finishing the first two discs of season one I've determined that I want to live in Stars Hollow and totally be a Gilmore girl or at least hang out with them!! How could I have not known about this show?? No one I know has ever seen it so it's just a fluke that I decided I wanted to own it and watch it and I. Love. It. With. All. My. Heart!

The mom is a sassy smart ass and the daughter reminds me of my own child had he been a she and not a he. If you have never seen this show you should. Seriously. I saw the first four seasons at Sam's club on Tuesday for $13.88 each. You can't find them cheaper than that anywhere.

I tried out my new headphones the other night while watching my show on the computer in bed and let me tell you after wearing them for a couple of hours that night the next morning it felt like somebody punched me in the ear on the left side.

They work great as far as blocking out the sound (i.e. the husband and A2 snoring loudly beside me) but they are kind of big for my little ears. No matter how hard I tried to squish them to fit in there better it just wasn't happening. I wore them again last night and they didn't hurt as bad so I'm guessing they are just going to take getting use to. It probably doesn't help that I sat my computer on my makeshift upside down empty box nightstand and laid on my left side to watch one whole episode before falling asleep that first night. Notice I only watch at night after everyone else is asleep. That's the only time I get any peace.


Other things going on around here: We've all been working on our Christmas list for the past week or so. I tell you with everyone so broke this year I feel weird sending out a list this time. Is it just me or do you feel like you should be adding stuff like milk and beans and rice and bread to the list this year? Of course we are going to still shop like usual for our cast of characters but I'd rather not have people buy for me this year. (Wow. I know. Unselfishness kicking in. Maybe it just took a few days AFTER my birthday for it to kick in. Who'd a thunk it?) I still want those boots though but I've got birthday money that I can put towards them.

Even though it's a little weird I'm still sending ideas for all of us though because I don't need any more shower caps to add to my collection for those who will shop for me anyway. What's that you ask? Shower caps? Yes, I have been given shower caps as actual gifts. Wrapped up with my name on them. Handed to me with no shame with all eyes on me as I unwrap them. I'm talking the stupid plastic ones that you buy off the shelf and even ones that are given out free from hotels. I've gotten them both more than once. I shit you not. I also have a nice assortment of things that are gold and I'm not talking jewelery.

Side note: A2 has been watching Bob the Builder all week (try getting that damn song out of your head) and his new favorite character is Pilchard the cat. Well, when he's talking about him it comes out less like Pilchard and more like Pisser, or when he wants to elaborate, Piss on the cat. Got a couple of nasty looks on the DVD aisle at Sam's over that one. Not like I needed any help in that department stupid Bob with your stupid cat name.

I'm off to maybe clean the bathrooms or something. I can't in good conscience only have four things on my list of things I've done this week....or can I? It was my birthday dammit!

Birthday Loot

Case you were wondering the husband did come home with cake last night so all was good at our house and he had functioning kneecaps this morning for work. It was a yellow cake with pink butter cream frosting and sprinkles! Needless to say I had a big ol chunk last night and didn't feel guilty at all this morning when I was scarfing down me some cake for breakfast.

Is it just me or does cake taste better when eaten directly from the cake sheet? Just wondering.

By the way, next week when I'm complaining about my pants not fitting me anymore let's not bring this whole cake thing up....mmmmkay.

As for the loot:

A1 bought me these

that I've been crying for for a long time now since my iPod earbuds are all jacked up and won't stay in my ears when I'm trying to run on the treadmill. He is too sweet and bought them for me with his own money. That is saying a lot since he doesn't part easily with his cash.

The husband got me this

which will suck up hours and hours of my time now and I couldn't be happier for getting it!

I've only wanted this forever now even though I have never seen one single episode. I don't know what it is about me and TV shows but if it's good right now chances are I'm not watching it but let it go off the air or a few years go by then I'm all about it.

Shows I am not watching now but will more than likely be raving about in about three or four years:

Grey's Anatomy
The Office
Brothers and Sisters
30 Rock
Heros

I did the same thing with Charmed, Sex and the City, The Sopranos, and Will and Grace even though I did catch a few episodes here and there of Will and Grace when it was actually on the air. I'd rather own the series and watch it at my own pace and watch the ones I really like over and over.

I was thinking just the other day that I needed to stick in season one of Sex and the City and let that series run it's course again. I'm not one of those people that watches their DVDs once and never again. I get the ones that I'll watch again and again. I've got a lot of time to kill between my house and my parents house....about 8 to 10 hours to be exact depending on what we are hauling or how fast we need to get there.

A2 got me this.

I've got one of those all in one printer things right now but it sucks ass when it comes to printing pictures. Now I have no excuse. Plus it's portable and compatible with just about everything so I can take it home with me and print off pictures from other people's camera instead of having them email them to me. I'm pretty excited about that.

I got money that if I had my way will go towards these UGG boots, only I want them in the middle Chestnut color, but the husband would have to make up the difference and since I made out like a bandit from him already I'm guessing those boots will have to wait or go on the Christmas list. They are super awesome though and I want them so bad I can taste it. Too bad my shallowness doesn't decrease with age. If nothing it seems to increase.

I got a gift card to Gap which is pretty awesome and one to Cracker Barrel that I plan on using with my parents as soon as they can get out of the house since that is one of their favorite places to go and have fed us there Lord knows plenty of times.

I also got a bracelet from my mother that really surprised me. I was thinking at best I would get a phone call the day after or some cheese ball message left on my voicemail but she actually made it a point to get me a gift and give it to me in person. Could she be growing up?

To be determined later.

We didn't go out to eat because that's not a big deal for me. I made hot dogs and we ate those with chips and then CAKE!!

I got to sit on the couch and watch episode after episode of that stupid Bad Girls Club show and no one complained one bit. Matter of fact I caught them watching along with me and busted them out on it a couple of times. A1 was going back and forth from his room to behind the couch standing there watching and the husband was suppose to be reading something for his work but I looked over more than 10 times to see him looking up at the TV screen. They weren't fooling me. I fell asleep on the couch watching that junk and the husband came in here looking for me around 3 this morning.

The best thing about my birthday was that I turned 34 and that didn't bother me one bit. I'm happy. I'm healthy and I have family and friends that love me.

How'd I get so lucky?

On Daddy and My New Love

Going to type this fast so I can spill it out and catch up to where I can feel like I'm not running behind. I'm not going to edit so just overlook the mistakes.

Last week this time I was sitting at the hospital with my mom and we were both staring at my daddy as he slipped in and out of awareness. He had his surgery a week ago yesterday and by Tuesday morning of last week he was in his own room.

He was groggy from all of the meds but he looked a thousand times better than I could have hoped for. I hope if I ever have to undergo any type of major surgery like that in my lifetime that I can come through as nicely as he did.

It was a long week sitting there and wanting to help him in any way that I could without being more of a nuisance than a help but I'm so glad I was there and got to spend that time with him and my mom. She's such a trooper herself for staying strong and helping him through this whole ordeal. Is it any wonder her personalized ring tone for my phone is the Wonder Woman theme song?

Thanksgiving day was spent in the hospital but next year and many many more to come we will hopefully all look back on this and be thankful that he is in way better health and shape than he was the year before. I would gladly eat hospital turkey and dressing alone in the cafeteria again if it meant he was going to be healthy as a horse at the end of it all.

Friday I gave them a break from seeing me at the hospital and just hung around their house hoping he would get to come home. I washed and cleaned and just tried to keep myself busy waiting to hear from them. By about 3 or so that afternoon I got a message that said he should be discharged sometime around 4:30. I was too excited.

They have this love seat that sits in front of their big front windows and I perched myself up on the arm of that thing staring out the window much like I use to do when I was waiting to be picked up for a date back in the day. I saw the lights and my tummy did a little flip.

He was home.

Every day is a better day and for that I am so thankful. Nothing in life is guaranteed but to know that he was otherwise healthy enough to undergo this ordeal makes me feel so good. It's going to take a while for him to heal up completely but he'll get there and before you know it he will be back in the floor wrestling with A2 just like he use to. I'm not so sure he'll be able to handle that any better though because that child is a tiger!!

I was going to stay longer to help out but it was really just to hang out because I'm homesick but I decided not to wear out my welcome and come on back home with my boys on Sunday. It took us until 10 pm to get here and the ride sucked major dookey balls but whatchagonnado?

Yesterday A1 went back to school and the man went back to work. A2 and I slept in and didn't do much of anything else. I did a lot of reflecting on where I was a week ago and how it all turned out. Today is my birthday (34) and it's been a good day.

My daddy and mom called to wish me a happy one and it was great to hear their voices. A1 always treats me like a Queen on my birthday so of course I'm eating that up. A2 and I went out and did a little window shopping this afternoon. I want some UGG boots but don't want to pay that much for them. I treated the two of us to McDonald's because he loves to play on the playground. The husband isn't home yet but I'm banking on him to bring home cake. If he doesn't there WILL be hell to pay.

I've put my PJ's on and I'm off to finish my Bad Girls Club marathon. How could I have not known about this trash until today??!! Discovering this filth has been the best birthday present ever. I woke up this morning to it on my television and found myself instantly hooked. It's apparently a twisted take by the Oxygen channel on MTV's The Real World which throws seven strangers together in a house to tape their every move. The Bad Girls Club throws seven spoiled little rich bitches into a house and all hell breaks loose. I've seen clips on The Soup before but have never actually seen it listed on the guide until today. (Insert sound of the heavens parting)

LOVE.IT.

Today was a marathon of last season because tonight at 10/9 central the new season starts. Guess who has it set to tape? That would be me! I had to stop watching at around 11 this morning but taped the rest of them so I've got plenty to catch up on. Matter of fact that shit is STILL taping and runs til 10 tonight. I just hope for little A2's sake we have enough space on the DVR. Otherwise some of those Thomas Train episodes have to go.

I'm not even joking.

He only has about 20 Thomas DVDs so he can give up his space on the DVR for my new found trash fix. It's my birthday dammit. I'm warped. I know. Knowing is half the battle or so I hear.

Other people who share my birthday:
Britney Spears
Lucy Liu
Stone Phillips
Nelly Furtado
Monica Seles
Rick Savage and
Michael McDonald

Happy Birthday to me....and them, but mostly to me.

Update

Just a quick update to let those of you sending well wishes my way how super fabulous you all are! I am at my Dad's house now. Surgery was pushed to Monday at 1. I'm a nervous wreck about it but never let on to him about it. The man came with me so I have him to lean on and he will be keeping A1 and A2 occupied.

I will post more when I can. I'm actually testing out posting this from my blackberry. Hopefully the hospital will have some wifi I can steal!!

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers! Wish you all a great Thanksgiving!

Daddy

So, I'm going about my day today with the usual cleaning and calling to bug my husband at work and chilling with A2 when my phone rings and it's my mom telling me that they are going to be moving my Daddy from the hospital he is in right now to another one and that they will probably schedule him for open heart surgery tomorrow or the next day.

Hold on a sec while I FREAK.THE.HELL.OUT!!

I guess in a way it was to be expected because he told me last week that he had been going back to his doctor for tests because he was feeling short of breath whenever he did anything with his upper body. He did great on the treadmill test and said it was mostly the upper that was bothering him.

Back a few years ago they told him that surgery was inevitable but for the time being they would just monitor him and give him medication. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I was really hoping this day would never come. I mean come on every girl thinks her daddy is Superman and nothing can or will ever happen to them. At least I do. My daddy isn't very old at all unless you consider 51 old. He had me when he was just a pup. I'll be 34 two weeks from today.

I got off the phone with her and called my husband. He tried to relate a story about someone else's same situation but whenever something like that is going on I don't care to hear shit like that. I cut him off and told him that I was going to pack my bag and go home. It was 1:30 and if I had left by 2 I could have made it there somewhere around 10 p.m. I.HATE.HATE.HATE.BEING.THIS.FAR.FROM.HOME!!! I was going to take A2 with me and leave A1 here so that he and the man could continue their routines as normal.

I packed a giant suitcase for me and A2 and just as I was about to start loading them into the car she called back. He would not be going today over to the other hospital but they were going to allow him to go home and they would have to come back Friday to see the doctor again and at that point they would schedule his surgery.

Deep breath.

At least now it doesn't seem as dire and I'm not as panicked as I was before. I called my husband back and told him the updated status and decided to repack my bags and leave here Thursday morning with A2 to be able to go with him to the doctor on Friday just in case they decide to do anything then. If they don't then I'll just hang out with them for a little longer than planned since we were going to be going to their house next Wednesday anyway for the holiday.

As I was unpacking to repack I discovered that I had not packed any socks. My black shoes were shoved into my toiletries bag and that all of my hair care items were left neatly in the drawer in the bathroom. I had to remove a pair of Capri's and a tank top because something tells me the weather won't support that outfit this time of year.

I also redid A2's bag. He now has t-shirts to wear up under the hoodies I packed for him and he has enough diapers to last him for more than a day. I've put all of our stuff in the car. The only thing out right now are my toiletries - minus the shoes - and A2's travel snacks. I'm ready for Thursday morning or at least as ready as I can be. It's going to be a very long very emotional very stressful ride out there but I'm going to be there no matter what.

I don't know what to expect. All I can do is pray that the medical team performs the surgery to the best of their ability and that my daddy is as strong as I know he is and comes out of this even stronger than ever. He has to he's my hero.

Resilience

He's finally up. This is what sick looks like for A2. So much for him needing mommy while he nurses the funk today. Guess this means I have no excuse not to do laundry or change out of my pajamas now. Damn. I was really looking forward to cuddling up under a nice warm blanket and watching some TV all day.

Weekend Update....with a side of mucus

My weekend started early because the man took off this past Friday. We have this place that isn't too far from his office that we will have for a few more weeks and with it comes a free tanning bed. We have it because his work either pays for a house hunting trip when you relocate or they pay for temporary quarters for up to three months. Since we spent out our own money to come out and find a house we opted for the temporary quarters. We have yet to spend the night there but they pay a per diem and without that we'd be hurting right now. Two house payments sucks mushy turds.

Anyway back to the tanning bed, this place is set up sort of like apartments where you can actually live there indefinitely if you want or you can rent them out for however long you need them so of course they have the standard workout room and pool that naturally was closed by the time we got here. But tucked away on the other side of their little computer room is a tanning room. Yes I know it is bad for you to lay in them but once I get started it feels SO good and is hard to resist. I went once the week before last and then again on Friday. I don't go for the actual tanning I go for the heat and light therapy. I can lay down in that thing for 15 minutes and by the time it clicks off my mood is instantly better and I feel like a new person. It's like crack almost or at least what I would think crack would be like for me.

I use to pay for packages to go to tanning beds back a hundred years ago when I actually worked and Friend 2 and I would go on our lunch break. Now I wouldn't pay to go again because of all of the risks but I'll take a freebie in a heartbeat. Were only going to have this temporary place a few more weeks so I'll probably go at least a couple more times but after that be done. It's the only bed they have and it isn't in that great of shape. I noticed the other day when I got out that there was a streak running through it and it made it appear as if I had stripes along my left butt cheek. Sexay!

Saturday was freezing ass cold here. It hurt for me to even go outside. I don't do cold very well. A1 and the man worked on the spare room and A2 and I cleaned up the mans mess he made in the kitchen because he got up and decided he was going to cook breakfast and a ham. Nice gesture on his part but he is like a bull in a china shop whenever he decides to cook. It takes him at least 20 extra utensils and 15 extra bowls to do anything. Later that afternoon we ran out to run a few errands and came back from one of our stops with one of those gamer chairs.

Have you seen these? It's called the X Rocker Pro and what it is is a chair that has speakers built into it and sits directly on the ground. You plug it into your game systems or your television and it's like having your own surround sound right there under you. There are speakers on either side and one on the very back. There is even a port for your iPod and you can even plug in headphones. They had them on sale for half price so the husband grabbed one (at first). He'd been staring at them forever and couldn't see paying $150 for one. We got this one for $70. This was the high end one that actually has arms.

I'll have to concede they are pretty cool chairs because they rock like actual rocking chairs and have this pack that comes with them that will transmit sound wirelessly. We bring the first one home take it out of the box hook it to the Wii and click on Mario Kart. A2 loves it right off the bat. I know I've mentioned in the past about how my husband is a hoarder and tends to go overboard in his purchases. Well if I haven't mentioned that little fact before I'll just say we have three of these chairs in our den now and one in the garage that may be given as a Christmas gift to someone if and only if my husband decides we don't need it for our self since there are four of us and who wants to sit on the stupid couch now that we have these super rockin' chairs??!!

A1 and A2 kept their chairs hooked to the Wii and I had mine hooked to the television. Even though they had theirs blasting out the game I was sitting on the other side of the room and could turn up the Wizard of Oz on my chair and drown them out and the television wasn't even turned up at all. It was set to mute. The sound was coming just from the chair. Note to self: mark new couch and chair off of my list of things I'd like to have to actually make the house look nice. Who needs them when there are three perfectly good gamer chairs in there now!! (This should be read with a little bit of snarky sarcasm just in case you weren't sure.)

Oh, Saturday while we were out I forgot to mention the fact that A2 was showing off his mad Mario Kart skilz in Walmart. You know they have the game systems set up so that whenever you are in a hurry to get in and get out of there it is inevitable they will be unoccupied and either your husband or child will latch on to them to play and it'll take turning red in the face and telling them they are going to get left in the store through clenched teeth to make them walk away.

Naturally on this particular day they had a Wii set up between the toy aisle and the electronic section. A2 wanted me to push him over there so I did. He usually never gets to play in the store because of the older kids or his daddy hogging the games. So I thought what the heck. It was Mario Kart and he'd get a kick out of it. Keep in mind we have this game at home and he can pretty much smoke me at it. He sets it up and starts racing. People are walking by and smiling because they think it's cute a baby is playing the game. Some guy from the electronic section walks by and he smiles and then does a double take because he realizes that not only is this baby playing this game but he just came in 1st place. He starts freaking out and before A2 is finished with the second race this guy has gone to snag a friend to come watch.

They can't believe how good he is. They start talking about how they have watched adults stand there and not be able to come in 1st. It was pretty funny watching their reactions. I'm such a good mom. My child may not be able to count to 10 but he can pretty much drive circles around anyone in Mario Kart. Note from husband: Call preschool and get this child in so he can learn something useful.

Sunday we all decided to get up and go to church as a family. Yeah, I know that comes as a shock. I'm working on my potty mouth. Never claimed to be perfect dammit. This is the first time all four of us have gone together since we've been here. Usually it's a different combination from the group because I haven't felt like taking A2 up there yet and leaving him just because he cries and I hate doing the dump and run thing to him. I prepped him and told him he was going to have a lot of fun playing with kids and that we'd be right back to get him. Of course he cried for the first minute or two but after that he settled in and played with the rest of the kids. Somewhere in all of that I forgot to mention to him that he'd be picking up the freaking Ebola virus from somebody up there!

We come home branch off into our own little worlds and as the night wears on I notice he's got a little bit of a rattle to him. By the time we get ready to go to bed he's full out infectious. He isn't running a fever but he sounds pitiful. I was awake most of the night listening to him breathe because he kept getting choked on phlegm or something and waking up and freaking out. He isn't one to take medicine so as soon as he drifted off we slipped one of those cold strips in his mouth to dissolve. It seemed to help but we had to do it again four hours later. I'll just leave it up to your imagination as to how much fun we had this morning at around 4:30 when he woke up and busted us as we were trying to put another one in his mouth. I'll just say holding him and crying was involved....mine that is.

It's 11:30 right now and he's still sleeping. He's got crusty snot all over the side of his little cheek and sounds like a grown man over there snoring. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't catch it or heaven forbid the man since it will surely intensify from Ebola into the bubonic plague with a touch of cholera and/or raging diarrhea once he gets it.

Today will be spent nursing the little guy back to health. He pretty much wants his mommy within arms reach whenever he gets sick like this so I foresee a day filled with lots of Boomerang and/or Thomas and Friends DVDs underneath a cozy blanket. We may even watch Kung Fu Panda again since we picked it up while we were out on Saturday and it's actually pretty good. I was in the kitchen while they were all watching it and I could hear A1, A2, and the man all laughing out loud while watching it Saturday night.

By the way, thanks Heather for your Carnation Instant Breakfast idea. He loves it and I'm sure on days like today where he's not going to want to eat much of anything he will at least get some protein and that makes me feel better! You rock girl!

Cheeseburger in Hell

What do you get when you cross two strong willed or better yet down right stubborn people? You get a child that is off the charts stubborn as hell and will not budge for shit that's what.

A2 has always been a somewhat picky eater. By picky I mean he pretty much stopped eating anything at all by the time he was a little over a year and a half old. If it weren't for milk the child would have shriveled up and blown away. We tried to give him a variety of things but he wouldn't take a bite of anything. This is a child that ate very good when he was a baby and I can remember a time when he would eat green beans, macaroni, and several kinds of fruit. It went from that to zilch, nada.

I, of course, freaked out at first and asked the doctor what to do and scoured the Internet for ideas or insight into what was going on with this child. A1 never gave me this problem. I was happy to find that there were other parents out there that shared in my misery and dilemma of children that are sustained on milk alone. I figured I'd let it go and when he got hungry enough or moved past this phase he'd eat something.

Sure enough, time goes by and he starts to eat a couple of things here and there. His list seems to be growing slowly but it still disturbs me and the hubby that he refuses to try anything. I'm not going to force him to eat things he truly doesn't like but come the fuck on, how can I get him to at least try something??!! There is only so much nutritional value that can be gleamed out of fish sticks, toast, dry cereal, chicken nuggets and fries, and the occasional grilled cheese sandwiches. Those are pretty much the only things I can get in this child's gullet. Oh, cornbread is another thing. He loves it.

Sweets are another story. He's a sweet freak. I'm pretty sure he's going to grow up to be the guy that shows up to anything involving cake. You may not even know who he is but if you have cake at your event he'll be there. I truly believe you could roll shit in sugar and give it to him and he'd have his doubts but somehow manage to hoover the sugar off.

I've tried to be devious and sneak things to him that are "healthy" but he's not an idiot. He can tell I'm up to something before I even start. About the best thing I got him to do was drink a concoction I made up with my juicer that had carrots and oranges and apples and pears in it. I didn't want to give him too much at first because I was sure he'd break out in hives for having an actual vegetable in his system. He liked it but after about two tries with that he was done with it anyway.

I've tried not giving him anything at all and having him come to me and ask for something instead of automatically giving him milk when he wakes up. That doesn't do much good either. He can hold out a lot longer than I can and I feel bad once it starts getting on up in the morning and he hasn't had anything. We tried giving him one Pediasure (teddy bear milk) a day since it says on the bottle that it can be supplemented for a meal and has a lot of vitamins and nutrients in it and that had to be better than nothing but that was borderline crazy too. Do you know how expensive that crap is? You'd think it was damn liquid gold or something. Now they are just given as treats since even though they seem to stink like poo to me he likes the flavor.

All of this is very frustrating and it's gotten to the point of being downright ridiculous. I'm at a loss for what to really do. I can remember having to sit at the table for hours until I finished whatever was put on my plate. I can remember being stubborn and refusing to eat and opting to take an ass whipping at times to be able to get up. I don't recall ever being physically forced to eat anything but wouldn't put it past her if I had been. I'm a pro at repressing a lot of shit that went on when I was younger but I digress. I'm beginning to wonder if those type of tactics are what I'm going to be forced to try myself. I'll never make him eat something again if he at least tries it and THEN decides he doesn't like it. Right now he claims he doesn't like what we offer him before he even gets a look at it on the plate.

Yesterday the husband was off work for Veteran's Day and we decided to go out and pick up some supplies to finish out a room that the previous owners started above our garage. I made muffins before we left and thought that A2 would like them because he usually all about that and they had chocolate chips in them. He wouldn't try even one at the time so I did the typical mom thing and put two in a Ziploc for him for later and headed out the door.

We talked about going to lunch while we were out and that today was going to be the day we get him to eat, and by eat we mean at least take one freaking nibble of a cheeseburger from McDonald's. I mean come on, he eats plain hot dog buns and calls them hamburgers and he eats cheese sandwiches so it's really not that far of a stretch to move on to an actual hamburger bun with cheese and a paper thin hamburger patty on it. I even told them to leave it plain so the ketchup and stuff wouldn't freak him out.

That fucking cheeseburger was almost the death of me yesterday.

We went to McDonald's like any other time. We got our food and his happy meal and sat down. I talked it up and acted excited as I opened it up and sat it all out in front of him but he wouldn't try it at all. He spent his time driving one of his Thomas loaders on the top of it. He wouldn't even eat his fries which he usually likes. We stuck to it and didn't give in and let him have any of our drinks or his apple juice that came with the meal. When we were finished I packed his stuff back up in the box and told him that he could have it later but until he tried at least one bite he would get no drink, no candy and no Toys R Us. Didn't phase him.

A little time goes by and I know he's got to be getting hungry but he's still not budging when I ask if he wants a bite of burger. I was starting to feel bad but little did I realize the reason why he wasn't was because I forgot I had left those damn muffins back there with him and he'd chowed down on one of those while the husband and I were tying down the stuff in the back of the truck. Cleaver little boy. He now had the argument that he ate the muffins we were trying to get him to eat earlier. In his head he'd done a good thing. He ate. (Don't forget this child only turned 3 in July.)

Defeated a little we let that go and he got a little bit of drink to wash it down and was told that even though he got around it for now he still had to try some cheeseburger before he got anything else. He shrugged it off and said OK. We had several more things to do so we went about the day and by the time we were done and got back to the house it was close to 6 and since I was hungry by then I figured he had to be too.

I usually cook his grilled cheese sandwiches on our George Foreman grill. I had the bright idea that I would put that cheeseburger on the grill to heat it up and to make it resemble the cheese sandwiches a little more so that maybe he would eat it. At this point I knew he was hungry because he kept hovering around in the kitchen asking for a sandwich but he was nervous because he knew something was up and he hadn't forgotten about that cheeseburger. I took it off, cut it in half and put it on a plate.

Cue hell because it's about to break loose.

The husband put some chicken on the grill, A1 was hanging out in the kitchen with him, and I started putting up some things we had gotten while out that day. We just left A2 to look at his plate and decide what he was going to do. We didn't make a big deal out of it and would only glance over there at him out of the corner of our eyes. He would pick up a piece every now and then and then just drop it back on his plate. The rest of us went about dinner as usual. We ate our food and it was time for dessert.

Enter hell.

A2 was getting pretty happy at this point because he figured he'd skip the whole cheeseburger thing and just go ahead and have dessert too. Wrong. Husband and I told him that if he took one bite he could have whatever dessert he wanted. Just one bite. Seemed like a deal to me. Hell, one bite for a chunk of brownie seems like a win win to me. Then again I am a little further along in my reasoning than a 3 year old. He wasn't giving in. He was getting pissed though. He decided he was going to throw the cheeseburger and pitch a fit. That got him his first spanking.

He did it again. That got him taken to the corner in the hall away from everyone else to think about it. He was pissed beyond belief at that point and refused to stay in the corner and was screaming he wanted a brownie at this point. That got him his second spanking. Didn't phase him. He then tried to climb up on his daddy and grab something from his hand. It's safe to say he was loosing his damn mind and there was nothing we could do to chill him the fuck out.

We couldn't spank him anymore because at that point it would have just been pointless and wrong so I decided to go into the hallway with this child, sit down in the floor and physically block him from going back into the other room where his daddy and A1 were watching TV. That killed him. He tried to bulldoze his way past me but I wouldn't budge. I pinched off a piece of the cheeseburger and told him that all it took to get passed me was to eat that one bite. He threw it off of the plate and onto the floor. I told him that I didn't care if he threw it on the floor that he'd just have to eat it from there. He WAS NOT giving in. At this point I'm thinking "Who in the hell is this child and where is my sweet baby??" All of this over a fucking cheeseburger. Seriously!

This went on for at least two hours. Two. Long. Ass. Hours. He kept coming up with excuses like he doesn't like cheeseburger, he needed to go potty, he wanted to go night, he wanted to be saved by his daddy or he needed to check and see what Bub was doing. At this point it wasn't so much the fact that I wanted him to try something new it was the fucking principle of it all and he was NOT going to pitch a fit that massive and get away with it. Come hell or high water he was going to eat that bite little does he know I myself can be one stubborn bitch. Where in the hell does he think he gets it from??!!

I had resigned myself to the idea of sitting in the floor all night if I had to and if he fell asleep then we'd get up and go right back to that spot as soon as he woke up. Finally after my ass cheeks had both gone numb from sitting on the cold tile floor, sweat was all around his ears and his face was streamed with tears and was blotchy red from all the crying......he took that one bite.

I made him open his mouth so I could see, told him great job and let him by and that was the end of it. Of course his daddy was jumping and clapping like a monkey and after shooting daggers from my eyeballs into his skull I warned him not to praise what we just went through and stop all that nonsense. Yeah it was good that he took a bite and he could certainly be praised mildly for that but not to the extremes my goofball husband was doing.

At this point I'm stressed the fuck out and exhausted. I had to go dust bust the crumbs from the hallway where he pitched that damn cheeseburger all over the place and clean up the mess that he made from digging that gel shit that is inside a wet diaper out. I change him and he hugs me and tells me sorry for being ugly. I hug him back and he lays in the floor to watch his brother play Wii. Within about 20 minutes he was asleep. Around 20 minutes later I was asleep. He had worn the both of us out.

Today he's up and running around like nothing ever happened. I've decided that I'm going to put him food out for breakfast from now on and until he finishes that he gets nothing else. Today I gave him a cup of milk, two pieces of toast, and some dry cereal. He drank the milk and ate the cereal and one piece of toast but until that other piece of toast is gone he's out of luck. I told his dad on the phone just a little while ago that if that toast is still sitting there come supper time then that's what he will eat. Nothing new is going to be given out. I'm tired of throwing away perfectly good food because he refuses to eat and fills up on junk he cons out of everyone to open for him.

I'm considering taking him to get another cheeseburger tomorrow just to see what he will do. I'm hoping he'll realize that it wasn't so bad and that he might actually like it but if he truly doesn't then that's that and I'll try it again later down the road.

As of last night though I'm pretty sure it would be safe to say that if he could A2 would tell Jimmy Buffett to kiss his tiny little ass but for now can somebody pass me the daiquiris and don't be stingy with the frickin' rum.

Easing Back In

Since it's been about four months or so that I just up and dropped off the face of my blog how's about we play a game of quick catch up with my favorite thing....bullet points! I'll give a little on each one and elaborate more later.

• I no longer live in my perfect dream house that was located only two hours away from my entire family and was in an area where I actually knew people and could get to the mall without having to pack a light snack for the journey.
• I'm now living in a house that is nice and new and pretty but will NOT hold all of our stuff without having to do some cleaver combining of things. I'm thinking about storing my extra dishes in my closet now since it is seriously bigger than my kitchen. I can turn cartwheels in my closet but have to turn my fat ass sideways to get my baking stone out of the oven because there is a stand alone island smack dab in the middle of the kitchen. Same goes for the dishwasher which is on the opposite side of the island.
• Directions to my house include: If you are coming from the north side of town you want to turn when you get to the cow on the pole OR if you are coming from the south side of town you want to turn when you get to the silo that is painted up as a GIANT Budweiser can. Shit. You. Not. If you pass either of these glorious landmarks on your way out here then you've gone too far. I'll post pictures soon.
• We only brought about 15% of our stuff out here with us because we still have the other house listed on the market and didn't want to leave it empty for insurance and showing purposes. A2 is sleeping on a futon, we are sleeping on A2's mattress set (which is only a full size set) and I'm using boxes lined along a wall in my bedroom as a makeshift dresser for the hubby. He has a box for black socks, white socks, white undies, colored undies and one for wife beaters since he now has to wear a suit to work every day. I've got two boxes in the closet for myself as well. One for underwear and one for socks. We are living the glamorous life I tell ya. Went to make muffins the other day for breakfast but by the time I was ready to pour in the batter I realized my damn muffin pans are at the other house. Moving sucks balls. Big. Donkey. Balls.
• A1 is adjusting well to school but not so much to his raging hormones. Is it just me or are ALL teenagers assholes? I'm trying to find something for him to do to burn off some his pent up frustrations. Unfortunately the only thing to do around these parts involve either shooting helpless woodland creatures or gigging frogs. I wish I was kidding about that. Can't wait to relive the morning he took a swing at me by writing that story. It's not quite as bad as it sounds but still not so good.
• A2 LOVES the new house and has claimed it as his very own. I'm pretty sure it's because he can ride his tricycle all over the place with no obstacles right now. There is literally nothing in the living room and only a treadmill in the dining room that will probably have to stay there because I don't know what else to do with it once we do finally get our stuff moved out here.
• A2 has expanded his vocabulary to include a couple of colorful phrases. We got Wii Mario Kart for him and if you listen closely you'll catch a "dammit" or a "shit" every now and again whenever he falls into a pit. I've pretty much got him broken from saying it but the worst part about it is that he will randomly come up to me to inform me that he "won't say shit anymore because it's not nice!" I can be on the phone or cooking or watching television or better yet standing in line at Old Navy when he decides to let me know he isn't going to say shit anymore. He's thoughtful like that.
• I have no idea how much I weigh at the moment. Our scale is on the fritz and I've decided that is a good thing. I can happily say that I can fit into everything that is hanging in my closet right now and that some of my 8's are actually a little loose - just a little mind you. I've got one pair of Joe Jeans that I'm still working on getting my butt into and when that day comes I'll be pretty stoked. They button right now but the sight isn't too easy on they eyes and an oxygen tank wouldn't be one of the main accessories I'd want to carry around just to wear them. You'd think after all this time MIA I'd be a little skinny Minnie but nope that's not the case. I'm getting closer to my goal but still not quite there. My birthday is in December and I'd like to have reached it by then. If I had to guess I'd say I'm only about 5 or 6 pounds away.
• I met John Walsh after only being out here four days. He said I was beautiful. I think he was overly exhausted from all that horse riding he did for the show.
• The closest Gap is an hour away in another town. That's just utter bullshit if you ask me. The saving grace to that situation is that they just moved a gigantic brand new Old Navy into a new shopping pavilion that has a Target, Books a Million, Bed, Bath and Beyond and a Shoe Carnival in it just one exit down from mine. Never mind that it takes me a frigging half hour just to get to the Interstate though from my house. I'm been spoiled to everything being close to my house.
• After giving up on Days of our Lives over the past year or so I've fallen right back into the story and haven't missed a day in two weeks now or fast forwarded through any of it. It's like catching up with family you haven't seen in a long time. I've followed that show every since I was around 8 or 9 because my cousin Banana, who is like three years older than me, wouldn't play with me until it was over and I had to be quite while she watched. Since my birthday is coming up pretty freaking fast and I'm honing in on the 34 mark that would mean I've kept up with that show for nearly 25 years.
• Can't wait to see Corinne shit her boy brief boxers and Charlie burst into tears when they find out that their beloved Marcus got the boot from Survivor Gabon.
• I'm SOO happy all of the election crap is over. I'm not sure what I think about our new President Elect but I'm willing to be open minded. We live in a very very red state so we are surrounded by a lot of people who are none too happy about the turnout and voice it loudly. A1 is pretty excited about the turnout. He called the winner months ago even before the candidates were set in stone. My husband is the conservative type and would have liked the vote to have gone the other way. Being in law enforcement, he tends to disagree with some of the democratic views. I'm like a purple dot in the middle of the state. I'm not for one side over the other. I believe both parties bring something to the table and even though I can't claim to be "part of history" by electing our new President I'm really anxious to see what he can accomplish.
• I jumped on the tweener bandwagon and read the entire Twilight series. Quick comments on that include: 1. Renesmee is the stupidest damn name I've ever heard in my life and if there are any fantards out there planning on naming their baby girls after that shit then they have serious issues. 2. Along about book two I was ready to scrub my eyeballs out with lye soap or hunt up Mrs. Meyers and kick her in the cooch if she wrote one more fucking time about "Edwards impossible beauty"....excuse me while I swallow the vomit that just came up into my throat. 3. The ending was anticlimactic for me and left me wishing I had the hours of my life I'd spent reading them back to waste on something better like the ending of the Road Rules/Real World Challenge and the reunion show.
• I'm currently taking the lazy way out and got The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath on CD from the library the other day. It's read by Maggie Gyllenhaal and actually quite entertaining. It's pretty relaxing to put my headphones in at night to drown out the sound of my husband's snoring and listen to the story. Downside is that I fall asleep and have to go back and listen to parts I've already heard once to find my place.
• I'm fascinated with crime story shows right now. Shows like American Justice, Snapped, Forensic Files and the First 48 are sucking up unusually large amounts of my time. I think I'm starting to catch the work bug and stuff like that has always interested me. My dream job would be to become a Forensic Psychologist but that's not really an option right now. Last time I checked they didn't let broke ass people back into college. I've been looking though and have tried to play the angle of being an asset since I friggin' graduated with honors when I got my Bachelor's in Psychology. It's not working. Something about tuition being a NECESSARY part of being admitted back into college keeps tripping me up.
• Can't wait to tell the story of how I have a massive bruise right above my knee and how it was given to me by a bottle of hair conditioner.

This is all I've got for now. I'm sure there is a lot more I need to purge from my brain but I can smell the smoke coming from my ears from blogger overload right now. It's good to be back.

Testing 1, 2

Yep, it's unlocked.

Doesn't mean much but I am actually thinking about coming back to the dear old blog. Lots of stuff has happened in the past few months and frankly I NEED to let it all out and I've missed this thing so much!!

I'm not loving my new layout but for the moment it's fresh and the best I can find. I'm a wee bit rusty so I've got to get back out there and find something that better suits me.

This is a test post just to see if I can still do this.

By the way, if by chance you are a return blogger/reader friend and your link use to be on my sidebar and it isn't there now just let me know and I'll put you back up there. I was in the middle of updating my widget thingy and before I could add everyone I clicked something and my list was gone.

Can't wait to get back into the swing of things. See you in a little bit. Hopefully with a design I like better.

It's Alive

Tink, tink, tink. Hello, o, o, o. Is there anybody out there?

Ok, just so you know I haven't dropped off the face of the earth or anything like that. It's just that I've had ZERO time to myself for like the past EVER and this is the first time I've even attempted to sit down and do a quick update.

Nothing major is really going on. I'm still trying to get ready for this yard sale that is coming up. By the way, the next time I even think of having a yard sale you have my full permission to come up and totally bitch slap me back into reality. Who knew it would be this much damn work!? I've got a section of my basement dedicated to just yard sale stuff but I haven't priced the first thing yet. I'm not even sure how I'm going to set it all out yet. Good thing I'm at my best under pressure. I'm the one that never wrote my 15 page research paper until the day before it was due and managed to ace them all, well except for that one I did on Larry Flynt but I'm pretty sure my professor didn't appreciate the fact that I didn't tear him apart for "exploiting women." It was a pretty kick ass paper come to think of it....bitch.

I'm stalled out on the weight loss front. I did see 133 for like a split second one day and it even dipped to 132.9 about a week ago but that was fleeting. I probably had diarrhea or something that day. Now I'm back to hovering around the 135 mark but at least I'm holding steady there. That last 10 pounds is really trying my patience though. I've been snatching work outs here and there when I can but for the most part just trying to clean out everything around here keeps me up and busy all the time.

Since my last post we have celebrated A2's 3rd birthday. We celebrated early on the 4th because my parents came up to spend the weekend with us. His actual birthday wasn't until Monday the 7th. My husband thought it would be so cool to get this for him.



I wish I was joking because it's HUGE and this fucker is set up in my front sitting room because it's too hot to take it outside right now and the husband said he didn't want grass to get sucked into the fan. One good thing that came out of this is that I FINALLY got that ugly ass dining table out of there that I have hated from the minute he drug it into the house. I really could care less that his Grandmother gave it to him. Fucking ugly is fucking ugly I don't care who gives it.

My sister on the other hand took the smarter more practical route and got this for him.



Takes up was less space and he loves crawling around in it just as much but it CAN NOT be collapsed right now because if we attempt A2 goes ape-shit.

Have I ever mentioned the fact that we tend to go way overboard when we buy things? It's like some sick obsession.

It seriously looks as though the entire Island of Sodor has been thrown up into my living room, well, pretty much all over my house and I have zero say about it. Since his birthday A2's Thomas and Friends battery powered engine count has skyrocketed to 15 with two wooden trains and three take along trains. So along with the pop up and the train table he got for Christmas the year before last, he has a flat track that measures at least 8 feet long set up in front of our television with another one that measures about 2 feet right beside it because he got a delayed gift of a $50 Toys R Us gift card in the mail this weekend and we just had to go there on Sunday. I'm bout ready to lose my damn mind with all this Thomas stuff everywhere.

A1's birthday is this coming Saturday and I have no clue what to do for him. He'll be 14 and that's a tough age to buy for. He's asked for a hamster since during all this cleaning I've been doing I uncovered an entire stash of hamster stuff we had stored in the closet in the bedroom downstairs. We seriously have enough stuff to outfit an entire gang of hamsters. We got the houses, tunnels, the food, toys, bedding, treats, and watering thingamabobs. A1 had a couple of hamsters a few years ago but sadly they both met a tragic demise.

The first one somehow escaped from his hut and the cats caught him and decided it would be cool to snatch his head off, eat only that, and leave the body in the living room floor for us to find the next morning. Sort of like their trophy for having a rocking night of torture. Talk about devastation! Luckily A1 never saw that and the husband was up before anyone else and took care of it. He was about 8 years old at the time and trying to explain to him that Charlie decided to move to Hollywood and no longer hang out with him wasn't pretty.

We got another one to replace that one and it went well for a while until he nipped A1 and was never picked up or played with again. That poor guy probably died of loneliness or something like that.

I'm considering giving him another try even though I told him he couldn't have another living thing until he moved out of my house because I usually end up being the caretaker. We still have a cat so if we got one and he ever escaped it would more than likely not end pretty even though I know it was the other cat we had that did the most damage the last time. She was our mouser. Jesse would rather someone else take care of it but she has caught one or two for us. Plus I'm not sure how A2 would do with a critter that small. He's still trying to get Jesse to let him rub on her for more than two seconds. He would either want to maul it and love it to death or he'd be scared of it.

I've got about two days left to decide so I'll think about it tomorrow.

News on the move. Unless something happens and the inside scoop the husband was given from someone in headquarters was wrong, I'm about 98% sure we are about to move. I'm not too thrilled about it because as you know I think moving sucks donkey balls but if it's true then the husband got a kick ass promotion and we'll just have to make the most of it. I really hate that it's right here at the END of summer break right before A1 is suppose to start school but it's better than trying to move with friggin' snow on the ground during the dead of winter. A1's not happy about having to leave his friends but you know what, I'm not feeling too sorry about that after putting a lot of thought into it.

Here's why, I've tried to get him to either call or text his friends to see what they were doing at different times all summer long so they could have a chance to hang out if by chance we do end up moving and he went ONE time to ONE friend's house and spent the night. That's it. I've volunteered to take him to the mall, to the movies, to pretty much anywhere within reason and he has yet to take me up on it. You'd think if he was so tight with these friends that he'd be wanting to hang out with them. Maybe I'm just that out of touch. I mean come on, all he's done is text like crazy all summer and unless I'm wrong he can do that both here and 8 hours down the road.

I just remember never wanting to be home when I was his age and always wanting to be with my friends. Part of that was probably due to the fact that my mother was a drug using, child abusing whore but I digress. A1 didn't know anybody when we moved here and he managed to fit in and adjust pretty well. I'm thinking the same will be said for when we move over there too. We hope to have the final say either Friday or Monday.

Things I suck at right now but plan on kicking ass at as soon as I finish cleaning up my house and having this stupid yard sale: Guitar Hero. Have you played this game? I've seen the guys play it forever and always see the kids in the stores playing but have never tried it myself until Saturday. Of course I was booed off stage my first attempt but the second time I managed to hit 78% of the notes. It's fun but very hard! The husband was sitting in the middle of all the chaos in the playroom playing because we only have it for Playstation 2 and asked me if I wanted to try it. I said what the hell because it looks easy when you watch someone else do it. I haven't tried it again but hopefully I'll be rockin' out some next week!

Things I'm totally excited about that it makes me pee my pants just a little thinking about: Big Brother 10. It started Sunday night and I couldn't be more excited about it. I look forward to it EVERY summer and even though the majority of the cast turns out to be total douchebags I still get sucked into it so hard! I've found a kick ass site that posts videos of stuff that goes on during the live feeds and gives recaps of everything that you don't see on the show. They know ahead of time who wins the veto and all the juicy gossip. It's here. Here you get to see all the fights and hear all the cattiness that goes on that would never make it to the air. The husband HATES it when Big Brother starts but he watched it with me Sunday night and I guarantee before the summer is over he'll be hooked too. So far I like April the best. Brian was a frontrunner for me at first but he started playing too hard too soon and I'm pretty sure his little cutie patootie butt will be talking with Julie Chen tonight.

That's really all I have time to touch base on right now. While typing this I've had to scream at both of the boys at least three times to stop picking on each other, take a potty break with A2 who has gone two weeks without pooping in his pants (we're still working on the peeing), put a load of clothes in the dryer, and con A1 into picking up the cat puke that was laying in the middle of my laundry room floor.

Fun times!!

I've got to get up from here and organize all the stuff that we took out of the playroom which is scattered from the living room, down the hallway to their bedrooms, and on the kitchen table. Once I get that done I will officially be finished with organizing each room upstairs. It will take me at least two days to do all of this if not longer but I'm looking forward to walking into that stupid playroom knowing it hasn't been that neat and organized since A1 was A2's age.

Feels good to be back.

Insert Funny Title Here

I'm guessing it's really not that big of a deal to some of you out there but today when I stepped up on the scale it said.....136.5. That's right. It may not be that big of a deal to some but to me that's frickin' awesome!! Of course the scale was fucking with me a little bit and dipped down to 135 for like a split second. Just long enough to get my hopes up but it decided to settle around the 136.5 to 136.6 mark. Meh, I'll take it.

That means I'm within 11 pounds of my ultimate goal and I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm already starting to feel so much better and it doesn't hurt my eyes as much as it use to when I would look in the mirror. I was watching this show last night by Dr. Oz (read: Oprah's bitch) and he said that women need to strive for a waist that is no larger that 32 inches in order to be healthy. Men need to strive for 35. He was working with four people trying to get their weight under control. It was pretty interesting. Of course the husband and I had to immediately break out the measuring tape and see where we fell.

I was right at 32 with sucking in because that's what he made them do and the husband was at 34. He's lost a lot of weight and looks good in his clothes. I can tell they are no longer cutting him in half when he tries to button them up and some of them are actually falling off of him. I'm pretty proud of him for all his hard work. It's actually motivated me more than he knows to get up off my lazy ass. I can't let him be better than me at something. That just wouldn't be right! Right now I've got on a pair of size 8 Old Navy Bermuda shorts that I haven't been able to button in a long ass while and they went up and on without any problem at all. I can even stick my fingers in the waistband. Yay, me!

Ok, I'm done tooting my own horn for now.

Went home for the weekend on Friday and have to say we had a very fun time. My parents wanted my boys and my nephew to stay with them for the weekend alone so they could all bond and do fun stuff without us breathing down their necks. It's the first time A2 has ever spent the night away from both of us and only the second time I've even spent a night without him. After we all ate breakfast and went our separate ways they took the boys to the zoo, to play putt-putt, and to ride go-carts. After they got home they all made S'mores. How cool is that?

While all of this was going on the husband and I had nothing to do so we decided to go to the movies after doing a little window shopping and looking at houses in the area for his brother. We got to the movies at around 3:15 in the afternoon and didn't leave the movie theater until 2:20 in the morning. Yep, you read that right. We spent over 11 hours at the movies!

We watched Indiana Jones at 3:30 - It was pretty good. I was hoping for a lot more adventure but since Harrison Ford has got to be pushing 80 he did alright for his age. The story was a bit predictable but I enjoyed it. After that I got my way and we went to see Sex and the City. The husband was one of only about five men in the whole theater but he liked it. I thought they did a really good job. I was a little disappointed that they didn't give Stanford that big of a part but the rest was pretty good. There were some very funny parts. It would have been about 10 times better if they had thrown in a little bit of Aidan for me to look at but oh well. I was just thrilled to finally get to see it. It's on my To Buy list (read: Can Someone Please Buy This For Me?!) as soon as it comes out.

After that we went and watched Ironman. Let me just say that I have loved Robert Downey, Jr. for a very long time. I fell in love with him in Less than Zero and even though he went through a rough spell with all that drug stuff I still loved him. Crack heads need love too. After seeing this movie, I'd give up room in my closet for him if he wanted me too. Hell, I'd let him have an entire shelf on my side if he wanted it. He rocked as Ironman. Good story, good acting, good looking, just plain good. Those big brown eyes of his gives me goose bumps. After I got my feel of lusting over him in that movie we decided what the hell, we'd hit one more. It was only midnight and all we were going to do was go back to the house and sit around anyway.

It was between Get Smart and The Incredible Hulk so we went to see The Hulk. I hated the first Hulk. It was stupid and the kid who played it, Eric Bana, just didn't do it for me. I thought Jennifer Connelly was about the best thing that movie had going for it. That girl is hot, I don't care what you say! The new Bruce Banner/Incredible Hulk was Edward Norton and even though he has this nerdy quality about him he's pretty hot himself and pulled it off pretty well. The story was decent and the fact that they brought in another creature to fight him was pretty good. Also Lou Ferrigno (the original Incredible Hulk 'case you didn't know) made an appearance in this one and that man doesn't look like he's aged AT ALL. Added bonus: Robert Downey, Jr.'s character from Ironman makes an appearance at the end for a little bit of a cherry on top.

We ate nachos and popcorn, drank our weight in Diet Coke and I devoured an entire $3 box of Milk Duds by myself, except for one that I grudgedly let the husband have, and had a blast. We'll definitely have to do it again. Especially now that I know A2 and myself can make it through the night without being stuck right next to one another. I can't remember the last time the husband and I have spent that much time alone together.

We got home yesterday afternoon and as if the movie diet wasn't bad enough we ordered Papa John's and it was yum-my! Needless to say I had to drag myself downstairs to the treadmill but after going for 3 miles I felt great. I was given the first season of I Love Lucy for Christmas this year and decided to crack it open last night while I was running. After watching the first couple of episodes I learned something about myself that is somewhat disturbing.....apparently I'm pretty whorey because I have to say I would have let Desi Arnaz bang out Babaloo on my ass cheeks and thoroughly enjoyed it. Have you ever really stopped to consider the fact that he was a pretty damn good looking man and was pretty damn good with him hands?

One last thing: Found out today that George Carlin had died over the weekend. Very sad news. That guy was funny. If you go over to YouTube and type in his name a lot of funny stuff will pop up. You don't have to agree with him but if you have an open mind and just listen to him he'll have you rolling!

Here's his infamous Seven Words:


Edited to add: What the hell is up with Blogger going down and wiping out my entire post before I can even save it?? I swear the post I wrote before this one was full of smart sassy wit and brilliant insight.

Since it didn't get saved and I had to start over from scratch this is the best you get under the circumstances.

Days without making an Old Navy or any other clothing type purchase for me or A2: 23